Drowning & Failing...

[MrsH2010]

Hi - i'm pretty tentative to post anything like this on here, but I dont know what else to do anymore so here goes...
I feel like I am massively failing my family and DS who is not yet 2. I am expecting again and we had hoped to be closer to my remaining family before then, but it looks increasingly like it wont happen before then. So, I live in a place where I dont belong, have no family or support, and no real friends to talk to or ask for help. I am already stressing out about who will look after my DS when I have next baby... And have even considered going in alone to leave Hubby to look after him... My mum died several years ago - anniversary in a few weeks time so I know I struggle at this time
Of year, but everything just seems magnified this year- I so wish she were here to see my gorgeous babies, to support me, and to help...
I guess what i'm asking is is anyone else out there on a limb where they live/who they have to support them, esp with a baby on way and a toddler to take care of/sort arrangements for. He's so young, and so used to only being looked after by me that I dont feel anyone knows him well enough, or he them, to be looked after when the time comes... Not that I'd know anyone to ask anyway...
While I'm pretty into all things natural, i dont feel like I can consider a home birth as we're in 2 up 2 down terrace, so space and neighbours/noise (nevermind toddler, cats and a dog...) are an issue...??? I find myself just bursting into tears, cant sleep very well with bump and mind racing and have had a constant headache for more weeks than i can remember (but as no raised BP or protein Midwifes not interested!).
Any advice realy welcome. Sorry if I've posted in wrong place I just didnt know what else to do anymore...

Hiya mrsH didn't want to read and run but I imagine someone more helpful will be along soon.

I'm in a similar position with regards support, sorry to hear about your mum, mine died 18 months ago and it's horrible. I have just had my DD, she is 12 days old but is in the neonatal unit as I had her at 26 weeks after preeclampsia. I guess I have learnt you have to just go along with birth, it might not all go to plan, mine certainly didn't, but however you do it, it will be brilliant and so worth it.

I don't have any family support, my dad is useless and DH's family live mainly in Cyprus. But I do have some great friends who have really surprised me through the last few weeks, do you have anyone you could speak to in RL? They might surprise you?

It sounds like your just being a completely normal pregnant lady with normal concerns whose having a bad time at the moment. Please don't feel like your letting anyone down, your not!! Have you tried talking things through with your DH??

Thanks for the reply. And I'm sorry to hear about your mum passing, and your little one being away from you at the mo. Definately right though- doesnt matter how they come as long as they are safe and in the best possible care...

Having grown up overseas, and moved quite a bit since then I dont really feel like I have anyone 'close' and dependable. A lot of friends, but none to count on. So you know what I mean. A lot of the friens I'd made in this area have proven to not be dependable (too wrapped up in themselves), and have little ones themselves. Everytime I've tried to ask for help or an ear to listen, i've been let down and feel worse at the end of it.
I find it hard that everyone else goes on about how hard it is for them- yet their mums have the babies a few times a week/weekends,etc and they have sisters etc popping in or doing childcare. DS 16 months and we have yet to have an evening/day/few hoirs out to ourselves- which is obviously not great at all but I feel like It was our choice to be parents and we are being, however hard it can be at times. Also we've not had a 'reason' to have to leave him (like a wedding invitation with no kids) in that time so just never have. Although DH said this morning I wont 'allow him' to be looked after by anyone else - so somehow it's my fault too...
DH is wonderful- but with trying to move/new job/being sole income/helping round house I guess i'm hiding it because I dont want to burden him anymore than he already is. I used to have a good job etc (but family was always what was important) and now I feel like I'm just being useless not being able to think things through/cope with toddler and pregnancy/house/arrangements for new baby etc... I guess also with mum dying a few years back now, when I'm upset it's always 'that again'/ 'same as usual' when I'm asked whats upsetting me. I guess blokes, as hard as they try, wont ever really get it, especially if they've never lost anyone.
MIL is another thing all together. Means well but very fussy, could repeat things till
i'm blue in the face and she'd still do it her way. Like two peas in a pod with her own DD who I dont see eye to eye with, so I steer clear really, and would really struggle/worry etc if I had to leave my DS with her...
Grumble grumble grumble... Sorry!