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I'm drowning!!! Please help

11 replies

gabebabe · 19/02/2012 21:47

What can i say really? Whatever I do it's not enough...every thing i do want is dissappearing and I feel like a total failure......my life feels like such a sacrifice and now i feel guilty for even saying that!

OP posts:
qwertysue · 19/02/2012 22:07

hi, im sorry you feel in such a crap frame of mind, and i hope that somebody will come on here with better replies than mine! the first question is who is it not enough for? does their opinion really matter? and if it is you who says it isnt enough, then by what means are you meassuring this? life isnt a failiure, its a challenge, and by the hell sometimes it is just that and more! there are times when we all feel like we are at the edge, in the darkest of the dark, and we reach out and just sometimes somebody, somewhere reaches back and starts to bring us back to safety and stop us from just walking away from the whole lot! You arnt alone in how you feel, but you must try and acknowledge what makes you feel so naff. please take a moment to sit down and rationally write down all the pro's and cons on a piece of paper, and them in 24 hours, go back to it and see what of the naff side you can do away with. and please seek some medical advice asap, because if you are feeling so low then you may be suffering with depression. I hope i havent offended you in any way, i have been in similar dark places, and not all things go away on their own, some just need that helping hand.
Please take care xx

gabebabe · 19/02/2012 22:12

Thanku, u have actually said exactly the eight thing! Actually anyone who could be bothered to notice would have been a help! I am in quite a dark place currently, but I'm not going to do anything silly. It's just the straw that broke the camels back today and I feel so alone. I've been through far worse and been ok, just don't know how to start to make things better this time!Sad

OP posts:
gabebabe · 19/02/2012 22:35

I think my dh has managed to console the baby now, so that's one less thing I suppose. Although bedtime feed is normally mine, but I made it clear I wouldnt be doing it. There's so many demands on me and I expect it's my own fault for taking on too much. There's never just one thing but absolutely vetting has boiled over and I feel totally useless! Will make a list tomorrow, thanks

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qwertysue · 19/02/2012 22:42

Im glad you are able to take something from what i said. I am speaking from personal experience here, Im quite a tempremental person, swears alot (lol) but during my bouts of depression i know some of my key triggers to noticing that "it was back" were things like.. Id cry at the difficult things that id not normally give two hoots at. Or cry at the slightest challenge (as anything challenging became too much) and if the something i was doing was fidly eg changing tv remote batteries, well the whole lot would end up slung at the wall!.
I guess what im trying to say is if you havnt thought about depression, but you can newly relate to any of this then it may also be an indication that it has come about.
However, what i can say is that maybe some changes in the sillyest of areas can help how you feel. One of my biggest mind shifts came from..(get this for daftness) i used to be unhappy with my weight, and seemed to be Always having a crap nights sleep so i would wake up in a right crap mood. I treated myself to some new, bigger comfy pjs, and discovered that i slept great for the first time in ages, cos i wasnt constantly disturbed by pjs that didnt fit! (told you it was crap)!
And the things that you so much disire? you need to assess why you desire them so much. If it is money? do you have 'just enough' yet want more? try and assess your budget, see if it can be manipulated to be a bit more giving for treats (even the smallest things can be classed as treats, a bar of chocolate, or nice soap eg). If it is a man... why do you disire him so much? if he makes you feel this low? If it is work? then just take any job you can and hang the hell on to it, well for the time being until the country is a bit more stable.
I can appreciate that i have rambled on an awful lot, but even if you have smiled once whilst reading this, or if it has made any sence when all clarity at the moment seems like mud, then i hope i have kind of said just one little piece that may have helped xx

gabebabe · 19/02/2012 22:59

I've smiled twice, so I suppose all is not lost! My problem is never one thing but everything! I do too much but don't know how to stop! I can't just stop as everything will come tumbling down. I have a very large family of children and step children. I run 2 businesses, I have a horrendous ex husband, a 5mo baby who I love to pieces but haven't had time to take him to be weighed for 3 months, a house that resembles a launderette, a car that resembles a shit heap, no time for me, a fude with my sister, and a fabulous business that last week I was going to give up, as it's just too hard until I found out that Friday I was ranked within top ten in uk for my field! But yet I can't do my job coz properly coz of everything else is getting in the way. Everything seems to come in front of it! But I can't give it up not now! Yet I'm doing a terrible job at everything coz I'm spread too thin. Sorry if that's too much info...it just came tumbling out! I think mums get a raw deal

OP posts:
qwertysue · 19/02/2012 23:16

dont worry what comes tumbling out, if you regret it afterwards then delete the post lol, and nobody will ever know.

if it helps:
Snap on the car,
snap on the laundrette,
snap on the weighing thing for the LO, once our delight about the 1st lo is out of the way, subsequent kids kind of dont get as much weigh-ins, as life with family, work etc just takes over.
Right, next, you cant be doing that bad a job if you are rated in the top ten in the uk! that is a fantastic acheivement, so weigh up how much time on avreage you spend doing it, then just try and not put in more time, but organise the time you do put into it, maybe you can delegate something? higher is better, yet consistancy is far better (imo). Horrendous ex? hmmm tricky one, so i wont offer advice on that im afraid lol. Time for a mum? hmm, now that is a tricky one too, it all depends how long you need to clear your head n unwind. it also depends how old your kids are as to how they can be "entertained" whilst you get your much needed time. I know what you mean about time though, i have a 2.4dd and a 15yo ds. and our new member of the falily who has just come to live with us DS friend 16yo. so time alone not spent washing ironing working cleaning up ferrying kids to clubs forking out money, almost none existant. fude with sis, again, tricky, would say back down to keep the peace and just get that area of stress dealt with, once that is done it doesnt mean that you must return to old ways if that wasnt suitable, but it does mean that the air would be cleared n case closed, even if it just frees up a bit of head space for more improtant things that matter more?? x

gabebabe · 19/02/2012 23:59

You r clever! It just seems so utterly hopeless today. I've not hoped well with half term and older children basically taking the piss. I feel totally exhausted mentally and physically. The are days I feel like I can take over the world and a few where I just wAnt the duvet to swallow me. I look at my eldest 13ds and I feel like it's slipping away in a blink! I've done everything around the wrong way. Had children young, got married young, was a strong independent (lol) lone parent and found myself. Why does it feel such a sacrifice being in a relationship? I love my dh, he's tried several times tonight to reach out and I've rejected him. I'm so angry he's let me down today. Tomorrow my own work situ will be a nightmare as my inbox has 5 angry people! What do I say? Half term shit hit the fan, dh got called out on emergency, baby has chest infection, or basically I got so fed up of trying I gave up?! Lol i haven't even checked book bags and I know one pe kit remains unwashed! Oh fuck!! All that flaming washing and I forgot the pe kit!

OP posts:
gabebabe · 20/02/2012 00:05

Thankyou, just knowing someone has taken the time to listen to my ranting has made it bareable. X

OP posts:
qwertysue · 20/02/2012 22:32

hi...
well, i hope that today you emailed back to them messages and said that there were some delays that were beyond your control or something like that? dont take the blame on in (regardless of if it was your fault lol). But i totally understand where your comming from with the independant lone parent side, it is a sacrifice when we take on another half, because I think that we lose some of what we have fought hard to maintain. Then when we share our life with another we do end up losing little bits of ourselves, as (with alot of men imo lol) we end up needing to think ahead for them aswell, re extra birthdays, what have they got clean n ironed, is there something in for their tea etc, yes it can bring lots of joys having another person to share adulthood with, the sex, jokes, privateness, funtimes etc, but to be fair even the most loving and great other halves can seem like another child about from a womans point of view. ( or that may just be mine lol). Also, half terms are just a bloody technical nightmare! as order does quite often become caos cos everybody is home and under foot creating more work in itself. try and just take it easy on yourself, we are all only human after all.
Im glad you took the time to rant, as it does make things just that touch easier, just a tiny bit lol, cos it means it clears the air for more chilled out thoughts. good luck with the week xx

gabebabe · 22/02/2012 23:24

Thankyou so much for your invaluable support. As the children have gone back to school so my copeability has returned a bit. In the depths of despair u made me see the funny side of things and made me feel like not such an ogre! Blush I love my dh so much but he totally drives me up the wall at times. When I got divorced I was so scared of life and i became so strong and so independent, but it was a lonely existence. Sometimes my new life feels like It has come at too higher price when the going gets tough but I love him so much I wouldn't want to be without him. Im working towards planning Easter holidays much better so I don't completely flip out again! Even looking into the possibility of a casual nanny or mothers help, just to take the pressure off! work is overwhelming but am tackling the emails one at a time Smile I am in my comfy pjs as I type and they feel soooo much better Grin

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qwertysue · 27/02/2012 00:10

pmsl at comfy pjs!! im glad you are feeling a bit better, school does help doesnt it lol. i would have replied earlier but lost our thread lol. And im glad i was of some help, even if it was just a help to get it off your chest, this is a great place for rants isnt it? lol, ooohh, easter.... yep try and plan it in advance, its two weeks, not one like we have just had in feb :-/ im hoping to try and take the kids camping... and it will be cold, probably wet, and a logistic nightmare lol, as my newbie son (we have had somebody elses teen come to live with us) has travel sickness and doesnt seem to exercise well due to random illnesses, so that should be a challenge in itself? oh well, if we both plan things in advance im sure we will survive to tell some kind of tale haha

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