Need to talk over my fears

[Hecubasdaughter]

I am suffering from PND. On day 10 of the medication and think it may be starting to take the edge of it but I have fears that are controlling my life just now. I feel I need to talk them through but DH won't acknowledge them as he feels that will make them more real. He just refuses to discuss it. As result I have been bottling it up and it's really getting to me.

I am terrified of SS to the point I feel close to a panic attack. I am trying to keep the house properly but know it will never be good enough. I feel a wave of panic if I hear someone at the door (even if I hear the gate open), if I hear the post come through and if the phone rings. Tried to say to HV but I felt she was struggling not to laugh at me. I read the bed changing thread in chat and now I am really worried I'm not doing it enough. I also leave it stripped for a bit to air more while I do other things but what would SS think if they arrived at the door at that point? There is always something not done and I panic, should be doing more now but needed to get some of these thoughts out.

But why would SS arrive at your door in the first place? They are a rather overworked department that does not tend to go round checking up on people's bedmaking skills. I have not read the bed making thread but remember that when people post very emotive things on an internet forum things are not always quite as simple as they seem.

I have an abusive ex who has lots of SS contacts, he has been telling people he is going to report me because I am 'incapable of house work' The bed making thread people are saying they change the beds 2-3 times a week, I just do it weekly.

DD2 has also had feeding problems so HV has been visiting more regularly than she would otherwise. I feel like she is checking up on me as well as if they have doubts about my parenting.

It must be hard for you to feel you can't talk to your DH about your fears, and your health visitor doesn't sound helpful either. I hope there is someone else such as a friend or relative who will listen to you.
Do you have anyone from the community mental health team involved? It might be worth going back to your GP and asking for a referral, as a community psychiatric nurse may be able to help you manage your anxiety. In the meantime if you feel panicky tell yourself you are safe and nothing bad is going to happen, panic attacks are frightening but are not dangerous. Try to breathe slowly and deeply and find something to distract you.
How old is your little one? Take care and there is always someone listening on here if it helps to talk through how you are feeling.

My younger one is 11 weeks.

The health visitor is probably visiting more regularly because of your PND and your DD2's feeding problems rather than because she has doubts about your parenting. I hope you have good support from family and friends.

I would rather doubt that your ex's contacts are what he cracks them up to be. More likely to be yet another control tool. Besides, there is no law that says that you must be good at housework as a parent. You must meet your child's needs. Well my 4 year old has never yet complained that the floor wasn't clean enough... And as for the beds - I strip them in the morning and make them in the evening - the reason? it lets the mattress and pillows dry out which makes them less hospitable to dustmites which in turn is better for my asthma.

SS have a duty to investigate where they have reason to believe that a child is at risk. And that has little to do with cleaning unless in extreme cases.

people who change beds 2 or 3 times a week? Well I hope they do it because they enjoy it or it makes them feel good - if not I would suggest getting a life.

Having a young baby is the ONE time you can bunk off housework - your body is recovering from pregnancy and birth, you have a tiny baby that needs looking after 24/7 and another child. You probably don't get much sleep.

In the great scheme of life, a slightly mucky house is neither here nor there. SS would only care if it was SO filthy that the children could be endangered and we're talking about squalid and nothing less.

I would like to suggest these thoughts are the result of the PND and if they don't start to go away with the medication, you go back to GP and discuss.

By the way, the average for changing beds is between 1 week to 2 week - so you are cleaner than most.

Good luck

He tells people I have the house as bad as the one in the news where the boy was murdered. It really gets to me that some people seem to believe him :(

People believing him = people not worth knowing

and people believing him is not the same as SS being interested.

There's also no link between house cleaning and murdered babies.

Do you need some more help (maybe counselling) to help you loosen yourself from ex? Sounds like he's still controlling you.