Outwitting anxiety...are there drug free ways you can deal with anxiety and make it go away?

[swanthingafteranother]

I feel not even guilty that I spent £18 taking two dcs children by mini-cab to the admittedly free Science Museum, so that I didn't have the stress of dragging them out of the house (11 year old was saying he was too tired to go)and the whinging and whining on the way to the Tube. I spent another £20 leaving my ASD child with a football playing babysitter so that I didn't have 3 bickering children during our outing. It seems these tricks alone made the difference between our visit being heaven and hell. And feeling calm and patient on my return instead of wanting to burst into tears and put the children in front of the telly for the next three hours...

It seems like the world is full of people who merrily get three dcs out of the house, whizz along motorways without fear, or stride to Tubes, take them on a lovely trip with sandwiches packed and come home to a neat and tidy house with a meal waiting in the slow cooker. Yet everything seems to be a struggle; I feel proud of myself for playing with the children and giving them my attention and then feel completely stressed because nothing is finished or tidied away. I feel proud of myself for having their friends round and then stressed because the mess is worse than ever. It all seems to be ever increasing circles of anxiety -- I feel like I'm just desperate to take some shortcuts. I don't even care. The price of a haircut, which I haven't had for ages... We went out, hurrah!

But I know it is not normal to need to take these sort of shortcuts and literally buy my way out of stressful situations. I don't normally do it. Half term brought home to me how bad things have got. Fear of driving, fear of getting children organised, fear of everyone squabbling and me shouting.

Does CBT deal with all this and more?

Yes to try CBT - it deals with helping you change unhelpful thinking patterns. And I must say from just reading your post your No1 unhelpful thinking pattern to work on would be to stop being so hard on yourself...

Sounds a normal and rational way of organising a day out, tbh. I'm glad you don't feel guilty about it - sounded a fun day out

MY feeling is to ease up on yourself, swan! Lower your acceptable standards back to the rest of ours . Sound to me like you got it sorted. You recognise trigger points (dragging whiny DCs onto public transport) and circumvented it. As for a successful 'play-date' followed by a grubby house- a success! Gotta crack a few eggs to make an omelette. And as for buying your way out of stressful situations- how clever of you. Again, you foresaw a problem and came up with a solution.

Squabbling? A harder one as I don't know your DC but, though god knows I have't alleviated it, I have found some solutions: My 2 DSs (10, 12) used to start whining like 7 year olds when I say we're going for a walk. I'd say 'Guys, mum's sailing above all this (sometimes with fingers in ears, la, la, la!)- if you think your whining is going to change anything, I'd've hoped you were clever enough to know by now that that doesn't wash with me. I will either ignore it or I will make you walk twice as far. This isn't all about you, it's about me as well (Message: You WILL respect me!) This is how it's going to be, you can like it or lump it, but I'm in charge and I have made this decision. So shut up.'

Bear in mind those who seem to do it like Mary Poppins are

A) lying
b) have help or
c) have passive DC. Sorry about this one but boy, could I snigger (in a kind and supportive way, of course) about all the mum-friends I had early on who insisted on telling me what I was doing wrong with my boisterous, wandering, whiny boys (as they sat content with their nicely behaved little girls) BUT the number of them who either went on to have BOYS next or discovered their nice little DDs were passive and- well, a bit boring- made me laugh.

Yummies are like swans, all serene and Yummy above water but paddling like crazy under it. Don't be fooled.

You sound to me like you're doing just fine, especially considering you have an ASD child to factor in, too. As for the driving, make yourself go out, alone if possible, and do it. I found I was getting that way a bit- always handing the keys to DH but I made myself casually get in the driving seat when otherwise he would have; and you know? It worked. I will never be the one fighting for the wheel but the ability and willingness to drive is so important o a woman, don't let it go.

And say 'fuck it', now and then!

Litten thanks for your kind words, and you are so right about the driving too (DH can't drive so I have to!)

To my surprise I have recently discovered the root of all (well most) of current mental health problem was an underlying thyroid problem, which was causing tiredness, mind fog and exacerbating anxiety and depression.

So 50 mg a day Thyroxine is now curing me! Apparently it will take me 3 weeks to start to feel more on top of things and less anxious! Thank God for that. Although endocrinologist said thyroid picks on existing anxieties and magnifies them so she said CBT can never do any harm at all. She also said ADs would have been a completely wrong diagnosis for my anxieties, which is food for thought, considering that is what the GP first suggested

Oh wow! It is such an underdiagnosed problem. I'm glad you're on meds now. I also am hypothyroid. Did you go private to see an endo? Read up about it - 25 percent of people end up undermedicated so if you don't feel well in a while don't be fobbed off. Also get vit d and b12 and ferritin checked. They are often low. Good luck

Oh wow! It is such an underdiagnosed problem. I'm glad you're on meds now. I also am hypothyroid. Did you go private to see an endo? Read up about it - 25 percent of people end up undermedicated so if you don't feel well in a while don't be fobbed off. Also get vit d and b12 and ferritin checked. They are often low. Good luck

We had Bupa through husband's work package so I was able to get appt the day after being diagnosed by GP. Endocrinologist checked my levels - Vitamin D very very low (not enough sunshine!) B12 and iron perfectly fine. I can imagine I have had low thyroid, getting worse all the time as it is Hasimoto's where your thryoid gland is under attack from immune system, for YEARS. Dh says it is difficult to see when I started going under but he says it has been over last two years especially, which of course has coincided with Ds2's ASD diagnosis and Ds1 slightly rocky start at secondary, so easy to confuse RL issues with underlying tiredness/depression.

All very strange; I feel so much brighter now that I know there is a reason to feel depressed.

Merci did you find there were some MH issues that were nothing to do with thryoid and remained, or was it all hypothyroid symptoms..TBH I'm not sure now where my personality begins and ends [grins] I was always a bit flakey and disorganised emotional as a child/teen/20's, so it doesn't seem likely that it is entirely to do with low thyroid.

Glad you have a dx - in case you need it I've found guided meditation really helpful in really getting a grip on my anxieties - to the point that I've finally beaten a phobia I've had my whole adult life, might be worth trying as at the least it will give you some much needed time fo ryourself.

Good luck.

Liza thanks, I do a fair bit of meditation (am RC)I think, and trying to sort problems in my head - sometimes it is the most effective way to come to terms with many things, also listening to other people helps put a lot of anxieties in proportion.

The vit d deficiency is linked to metabolism not working properly - there is also a connection (vague on details)to bad cholesterol, which you may have high levels of too. I'm glad your iron and b12 are fine. Sounds like endo is thorough!
All my mental health issues were connected to hormones, but I knew it was physical as I had no real things to worry about, so my mind was sort of inventing stuff out of nothing. I also became quite withdrawn by the end. I feel better emotionally now. Give yourself time though - it does take a while. Sounds like you've had a lot on your plate the last few years!

The vit d deficiency is linked to metabolism not working properly - there is also a connection (vague on details)to bad cholesterol, which you may have high levels of too. I'm glad your iron and b12 are fine. Sounds like endo is thorough!
All my mental health issues were connected to hormones, but I knew it was physical as I had no real things to worry about, so my mind was sort of inventing stuff out of nothing. I also became quite withdrawn by the end. I feel better emotionally now. Give yourself time though - it does take a while. Sounds like you've had a lot on your plate the last few years!

littentree - your swan metaphor is what my mum once told me about an uber South African mum i knew a few years ago who then went on to have a totally hideous DD2 and her husband who had an affair.

slow yourself down, breath and put one foot in front of the other, this is what i do every single day.

good luck

do you take much caffeine (coffee, coke...)? if so come off it for a week as a trial; you may be amazed....