Selective Mutism

[applerose]

Does anyone have experience with selective mutism? I suffered from it as a child and, although I eventually started to feel more comfortable talking to people, it's still extremely difficult. I'm beginning to realise it will probably affect me for the rest of my life.

My normal speaking voice is very quiet, especially when I'm not at home. I'm pretty sure I also have some combination of depression and anxiety, but have never been diagnosed with anything (I did try, but failed to communicate to the doctor properly and ended up just going home with nothing). I am at uni and haven't been going in for the past week, and have also stayed off work a lot lately as I just can't handle the stress of being around so many people.

I'm beginning to feel quite hopeless. I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this, but have no idea how to go about getting some kind of treatment, or if treatment is even possible at this point.

you need to call the uni counselligng service and go speak to someone - they will help you

Dear Applerose,
Treatment certainly is possible and there is definite hope for you. You can and will get through this and can live a happy life. I say this because I have had anxiety and depression since childhood, and now I have a daughter with selective mutism. In my case, a very small dose (half a pill) of sertraline has completely changed my experience of life and made me feel completely 'normal'. In seeking to help my daughter I have done a lot more reading about anxiety, and it is definitely recoverable from no matter how long you've had it. It's my belief that selective mutism is simply an extreme symptom of social anxiety/social phobia, and just getting over the SM is only getting you part of the way. However you have done that, you have succeeded in partly recovering, and now you can go on and go the rest of the way. There will be setbacks and hiccups along the way, but don't let that stop you.

I would suggest, if you can't go and speak to your university counselling service, that you write to them. Write it all down, tell them about your history and your attempt to go to the doctor and exactly how you're feeling now, and put it through the door or just post it. You could also write to your doctor as well, or instead. There are so many ways to help get through this. There is CBT, there is online CBT, there is the Linden Method, there are books (I have one called "Living Fully with Shyness and Social Anxiety" although I confess I haven't got round to reading it yet). You may have a tendency to social anxiety all your life, but I promise you that that this does not mean things will continue to feel as bad as they do now. Some things you can't do now you will be able to do without thinking, and other things may still need you to give yourself a bit of a push but you will feel able to do so. I say this as somebody in my 40s and I am astonished at how I have grown and changed over the years and how I am able to do things now that I never could have done before.

Please do not give up hope - university life is stressful (I know because I have done a degree as a mature student and am now on my Masters) and the stress can add to any underlying tendency you have to anxiety, but this is a temporary setback and you will get over it - just be brave one more time and reach out for the help that is there.

And please let me know how you get on!

Thank you, BlessThisMess, that was really helpful. I'm feeling better this week and have managed to go into uni a bit more. I've made an appointment with my doctor for later this week, and am writing everything down in bullet points to take with me.

Your daughter is very lucky to have a parent that understands and tries to help her. Mine used to just shout at me about it, blame me, tell me I would have to go to a 'school for retards', etc. I know this is because they didn't understand it and the information just wasn't available to them at the time, but I can't help but feel resentful when I remember some of the things they used to say to me. They did take me to some kind of therapy, but I only had a few sessions, and they would shout at me all the way home after each one.

Applerose, on Lulu.com there is an ebook written by a former SM sufferer - you might find it interesting because she had little support from her parents either. It's called "Slipping in and out of my two worlds" by Jessica Thorpe.

I hope the Dr's appointment went well.