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Original poster

I aM so so worried about ds (13)

31 replies

belcantwait · 13/02/2012 17:28

We have reached crisis point, he has hit complete rock bottom

He's always been a slightly 'troubled' child, since about aug last year he has been severely restricting his food intake, has been biting himself , been depressed on and off
Yesterday I discover he has ramped up the self harm and is now cutting himself with scissors. I have found a blog he's been writing with suicidal type notes he's written on it. He's really down, physically he looks terrible, his bmi is now 16 Sad

I took him to gp in jan about all this. She was useless, said there was no point referring to CAMHS til she was sure there was eating disorder present. Didn't even acknowledge the self harming behaviours.

So todayi have contacted CAMHS myself it can't go on I am beside myself with worry. And unfortunately today my elderly mum has flu and cannot lookafter my dad who has dementia so I have had to farm the kids off to my lovely friend for the day and night so I can look after them. Feel so guilty and anxious and worried. She will take good care of him tonight but I know how depressed he is :((((((
Wondering also whether to keep him off school next week and try and help hi
Somehow but don't know how.
Ive been in tears all day it's all too much to cope with.
Not posting and running but need to get my dads dinner and sort their tablets. Will be back as soon as I can

Sorry for rambling

OP posts:
minceorotherwise · 13/02/2012 18:14

Bump

minceorotherwise · 13/02/2012 18:50

Double bump - anyone back from work yet?????

Earthymama · 13/02/2012 18:53

Oh I'm so sorry to hear what horrid things you are facing. Just about to eat but will then ask DP, youth worker, for some advice and come back.

Do some slow breathing, it will help xx

Original poster
belcantwait · 13/02/2012 19:10

Thank you and thank you for bumping
I can't stop thinking and worrying about him.
I know there's something deeply wrong but don't know what's causing it. He had a complete meltdown yesterday when I said I neededto check his phone (due to £90 phone bill in one month Inc photos and phone calls sent in middle of the night). he said he needed to talk to me then he said he couldn't say it (what?????) so it involved this stupid thing of me trying to guess and nit getting it. I said to him he'd done the hardest thing he'd ever have to tell me ( he came out as being gay in the summer). Tbh he's seemed sorted about it, goes to a hugely supportive lgbt youth group and is always really happy when he comes out from there . But no he said it was much worse then just came out that he was really unhappy all the time Sad but no great revelation! I just don't know what it is. Lay awake worrying all last night and asked him today whether anyone has ever hurt him or touched him in ways he didn't want them to but he says no I just can't fathom it out

And just got home now to find something he's typed out on his typewriter about wanting to be better looking, thinner, happier and how he has nothing left to live for. Oh god it's awful I don't know what to do. Dh home soon so going to have discussion over it. He thinks we should move away and start again maybe home ed him ( but we have 2 other dc and my elderly and highly dependent parents to think of too) and the problem might stem from outside but it's currently trapped in his head and moving and changing isn't going to help that is it ??

Thank you for listening, so much to do and sort but will read and post when I can. Please don't think I don't appreciate the help!!

OP posts:
RabidEchidna · 13/02/2012 19:10

I think you need to push to see CHAMS and the sooner the better

WinkyWinkola · 13/02/2012 19:13

Oh god, hoe horribly upsetting for you and your poor ds.

My gp was very reluctant to recommend CAMHs for my ds1. So I asked him to ask them to recommend an independent counsellor. They did. She's £40 an hour (yikes) so there is belt tightening but my ds has already responded positively after five sessions.

If you can afford it, could you ask your gp to do the same?

Original poster
belcantwait · 13/02/2012 19:20

Oh forgo to say when I spoke to CAMHS today they said I could refer him myself and are sending the forms straight through to me to get him in. The very lovely man (think be said he was clinical lead) said he will be top of the pile as he is at serious risk to himself SadSad. so hopefully won't be too long a wait. My gp gave me phone number for youth counslling service which I phoned today but there's a long wait and didn't even get to speak to anyone just had to leave a message. Think it's almost gone beyond counselling now Sad
I have no experience of what will happen at CAMHS. What will they do to hi
??

OP posts:
Original poster
belcantwait · 13/02/2012 19:21

I dont want to lose my lovely boy
Crying again now

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 13/02/2012 19:27

You poor woman. Your boy is so lucky to have a Ma like you. You're getting the help he needs. You're doing the right thing and the ball of help is rolling. X

BellaVita · 13/02/2012 19:28

Oh Bel, no advice my love but as a parent of two boys - 15 and 12 this really pulls at my heart. I can see how awful this is for you all Sad. Huge hugs xxx

Original poster
belcantwait · 13/02/2012 19:32

Thank you it just helps writing it down and you listening it's been hard to get my head around it all. Why is he so complexSad
got to go out again shortly... Evening duty.

OP posts:
topknob · 13/02/2012 19:32

Do you know what trigger his depression?? I too have a 13 yr old boy and feel so sad for you and your son :( I hope you can get some proper help soon. Is there anything he likes doing?? cinema or whatever, maybe you could spend some time taking him to do the things he likes this half term?? Sorry if that sounds naff but I have no idea what to suggest xxx

topknob · 13/02/2012 19:32

triggered

LaughingGas · 13/02/2012 19:35

I am really so very sorry to read this. Poor you and your ds.

If you are in any doubt over the next few days whilst you await the paper work. please presnt yourself and your son at a and e.

There will be a psych doc there who can do an assessment and take it from there.

I wish you and him well. It is so sad reading about children suffering and how much it can hurt parents to watch it happening. You are a fabulous mum, taking note of his problems and doing whatever you can to help. The world could do with a few more mums like you.

GRW · 13/02/2012 19:38

I can see it's really hard for you to see your DS suffering so much. You are doing the right thing in getting him referred to CAMHS as soon as possible. My friend's son had an eating disorder and anxiety issues, and had to go into hospital, but he has recovered and is doing well now. He also used to cut himself.
You may find it helpful to have a look at information on the Young Minds website www.youngminds.org.uk They have a parent helpline 0808 802 5544 and someone with experience will ring you back. It is not open in the evening though.
Take care and keep talking on here if it helps. You certainly have a lot to cope with with your parents as well

Original poster
belcantwait · 13/02/2012 19:39

Topknob there isn't anything he likes doing at least nothing we've ever found. I have to work tomorrow but dh has the day off and is taking them all out to local town for the day and ds is taking his friend. Maybe that will help him. They will kind if go off together. It's crap cos he needs me on my own more than ever but I've got his younger brother and sister too a d no external help . We have def been guilty of 'leave g him to his own devixes' a bit too much. I need to try and rein him back in and try to gather him o me a bit more

OP posts:
Original poster
belcantwait · 13/02/2012 21:33

Thank you for all your kind words and advice Smile I LOVE MN!
Just got home to a text from my friend saying ds has been chatting and ate a bug dinner and seems content which has temporarily cheered me up. Ill try and contact thAt young minds place tomorrow. Thank you again so so much xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
belcantwait · 13/02/2012 21:34

A bug dinner??! Yuck! I meant a BIG dinner

OP posts:
Beauterus · 14/02/2012 20:53

Sweetheart it's Pishwife here, I will see you tomorrow for a big cuddle x

OrmIrian · 14/02/2012 20:58

Poor lad. Fingers crossed for you both.

Boys are suppose to be so easy aren't they Sad

Original poster
belcantwait · 17/02/2012 16:35

Thank you for all your support and advice
I sent off the referral forms to Camhs yesterday and had a call earlier today to say hes booked in for an urgent appt next weds so they're obv taking it seriously. I have mixed feelingsabout this as obv they can see it's pretty bad and they're the experts. I am relieved he won't have to wait months but anxiousthat they now seem to be anxious about it too iyswim
He's still very down, he's writing alot, haven't seen any more cuts and the ones that are thereseem to be healing.
Was meant to be going off for weekend with dh and ds's siblings are staying with our friends so I have decided not to go and stay at home with ds and hopefully spoil him a bit. I have to work in the daytime tomorrow but I have got him to meet up with a friend and he can pop in on me at work throughout the day.
This has been a horrible week all round and I feel emotionally drained and so so tired. Look like complete crap too!! Will be scaring the customers tomorrow!

OP posts:
GRW · 17/02/2012 20:06

It sounds like you are juggling a huge amount on top of worrying about your son, so it's not surprising you're feeling emotionally drained and exhausted. I'm glad CAMHS are taking it seriously. Your son may be feeling relieved that you know about the self harm and he doesn't have to hide it any more.
I hope you get some time to relax this weekend x

kizzie · 20/02/2012 12:28

Sorry i havent got anything more useful to add -but just wanted to say that you sound like a fantastic mum. Glad that you have been taken seriously and got an appointment.

SigmundaFraudina · 20/02/2012 18:05

You sound like an amazing mum. He's extremely lucky to have you. I can't imagine how heartbreaking it is for you to see him this way. Have you considered private therapy?

OlympicEater · 20/02/2012 18:15

I'm glad they are taking it seriously. DS was referred to CAMHS in the summer but because it was not serious we didn't get an appointment til December, which should give you a feel for how high priority they are treating your son's case.

I'm so sorry to hear of all you are going through, I'm afraid I have no practical advice other than to tell you how CAMHS worked for us - it may be different in your area though.

We were referred from DS' doctor (he has other health issues) and they allocated a Psychiatrist to do an initial assessment - we had to fill in several forms and then had a meeting. He then fed back to a panel to decide the best approach to meet DS' needs. One psych then takes the lead in terms of strategies to assist and medication / hospital admission if deemed necessary.