Starting to feel very depressed.

[toptramp]

I have posted on mh recently. I am a single mum and I just feel so unsupported. DDs dad is never around. I am fed up of doing everything alone. I just want to be happy. My mum died this year and I feel like crap.
I would love a social life but I can't have one because of dd and although i do love her I am starting to feel quite resentful that i am not getting the social life taht I need. I would enjoy moptherhood much more if I had a loving support network.
It's a vicious circle; I can't get out and socialise so I feel crap etc. My life has gone to shit and I ma fed up. I just want a normal life and to enjoy my dd. Even my sister won't phone me up and support me. Everyone just says I must be so happy now I have dd and expects me to just get on with it.

toptramp - didn't want your post to go unanswered. how old is your dd? it is really hard when they are tiny and it does get easier. have you got other friends with children that you could socialise with?

She is 3. It does drag on though. 3 years without having a proper social life and with no clear siign of me having one in the near future. I do have other friends with kids but part of the problem is that I want to get away from kids from time to time and also from baby talk so would just like to do normal stuff like go dancing. Got mates coming over tomorrow so should cheer me up.

You do say your mum died this year - that's a major bereavement and likely to be very raw even if you were not close. I assume it means your sister has lost her mum too which might mean that she 'needs' you to be ok.

It's normal to want to have a social life when you are a mother. Having a supportive dh I get out of the house to work 2.5 days and I am out about 2 evenings a week. It's one of the hardest things about being a single parent: not being able to get out, as well as not being able to share the burden generally.

If your dd is 3 she is or soon will be eligible for a funded nursery place - will you be taking that up? I know it's day time hours and only a few at a time but it is you-time.

Do you have other single mum friends who would be willing to have mutual sleepovers? ie having your dd sleep with them one saturday night and you having the kids another saturday night so you can both go out for a night?

None of that is in itself going to make you feel any less depressed, but it might help you feel a little bit more human.

We do have some sleepover arrangements and we were supposed to get out tonight but the sitter's dd was ill so we couldn't. I just hate the feeling of having to be at other people's mercy just to go for a fricking pint. I hate the lack of spontanateity. I love my dd and I never would be without her but I had no idea I would just feel so unsupported in all aspects of my life.

I found it difficult to get childfree time when my dds were younger. I'm not a single mum so imagine for you it's much much harder.

What you could do is take your dd out to a toddler group where you would meet other mums to talk to and take some pressure off. Also now your dd is 3 she might sit for a bit and enjoy a drink out with you while you have a coffee and chat to a friend. I know it's not childfree time but often a change of scene and a chance to get out of the house, breaks up the day and stops everything getting on top of you.