Please help me, I think I may need to see a shrink :(

[Millymon]

Firstly let me apologise, I'm afraid I'm one of those regular posters who has changed their name, I know quite a few people from here in RL and I just couldn't face them knowing this.
I've always had OCD type tendancies but just lived with it, I remember being 8 and hearing sounds in my bedroom (just usual clicks etc nothing spooky) and thinking that if I stared at the spot where the noise had come from for a count of 10 then everything would be alright. However, since I've had Dd, who is now 13 months, it seems to have got steadily worse.
It has got to the stage that, last night, it took me three hours to get to bed. I've become paranoid about the gas being on, so I check umpteen times and even have little rhymes I've concocted to help me check (I know, it's crazy). I stand in Dd's bedroom door listening to her breath but I'll stand there for 30 minutes as I always think 'well that breath was ok, but what if she doesn't breath after that one?' If she coughs or murmers in the night then I have to get up and go through it all again. I've even got paranoid about Dh's breathing and am staying awake to check he's ok. If I take my glasses off to go to sleep I check them constantly incase for some reason they have broken. Every time I get in the car I have vivid mental images of crashing and I have them whilst driving too, I've had to pull over and literally shake them out of my head before now.
Dh has started to notice and I'm trying to make a joke out of it but it just isn't funny, what started off as easy tohandle has become out of control, it's taking over my life.
What on earth do I do? Do I need to talk to someone? If I did would it show up anywhere (I'm worried about my employers)? How much would it cost, we have no money?
Thank you for reading this, if you've got this far, it turned out more rambling than I thought

See your GP. he or she may well refer yuo to either a psychiatrist, or possibly the Community Psychiatric nurse. Both of these may well be able to help your probelms, which sounds like OCD, with cognitive behaviour therapy. Some drug treatments can also be helpful

If what you are having to do is controling your life, then you have to do something about it, and making this decision is the biggest, bravest step....good on you for doing it.

The referal would be on the NHS....yu will get seen faster with the nurse I would think

hi, i think it would be worth seeing your gp and getting a referral to someone who can help you. you've realised that this is taking over your life... and that's a good thing! the want to stop is a necessity when you seek help.

you do not have to tell your employers... but it may be worthwhile in case they did ever find out in some roundabout way! i am sure they would be sympathetic!

you can get a referral to a psychiatrist/psychologist on the nhs but you will be on a waiting list (i had to wait 4 months)

it won't show up anywhere, but if you did ever need to get another job then you would probably have to declare it on health forms etc

Oh God, think I was kind of hoping people would just say..hey no, that's normal Thank you for being honest though ladies. I'm terrified about seeking help and not sure how Dh will take this either. Pants.

There are thousands of people who go through this, your GP will be able to help you, and would be a good first step. You can search the internet and will get loads of advice via websites. You CAN find ways to cope with this. You are very brave to face up to what is happening and to recognise that it is causing you and your family problems. Good luck.

Millymon,
Feel free to CAT me.

Thank you merrygoround, it just feels like me at the moment, but I know this isn't true.
foundintranslation, thank you for that offer, i shall probably do that if it's ok (Dh due home soon so would be later on) thank you again.

I saw the CPN for obecesional worrying, rather than OCD. I am now much better, work, has never been an issue, try not to worry about it. The key thing is that you feel it is taking over, this is how I felt and in the end went to see my GP. I have never regretted it, and it only took a few visits to the CPN to help me.

don't worry about seeking help! there are people out there who WANT to help you, and your gp will have seen plenty of people in your position.
you aren't crazy and you aren't mad...

why are you worried about your dh? do you think that he won't be sympathetic? or that he won't understand?

You say that he has noticed some of ytour behaviours? maybe you could talk to him about them, and say that you realise they aren't right and that you are going to talk to the doctor about ti...
no-one else needs to know you are seeing anyone

it isn't only you... i was given an off-record diagnosis of obsessive compulsive personality (not disorder) and it's amazing how many people suffer from it.
i can live with it for the most part, but there were times in my life when i really struggled to control it

Thankyou martianbishop, I didn't know there was another option but it's good to know there is, somehow a nurse sounds friendlier.
starlover, I don't really know why I'm worried about Dh, he is about as supportive as they come but I suppose I'm worried that he's used to me being strong. Also if I let him know how much this is concerning me then I'll have to admit the extent of it iyswim and I'm frightened that I'll just lose it then. If I start to cry about this there's a danger I won't know when to stop.

tell him! honestly, you will feel SO much better... one of the worst things about this type of thing is dealing with it on your own... trying to keep it secret all the time.
hope it all goes ok

Understand about your dh seeing you as strong - sometimes they can get a real boost from the role reversing though. Sounds like you are more afraid of crying forever - but that just won't happen. You may cry a lot, but not forever, especially if you are getting the right support. Sounds like you are trying to control everything, including yourself, past the point where it is helping. Easy for me to say, I know. For some people letting go and asking for help is the hardest thing. And therefore the bravest.

Please speak to your GP or nurse, and confide in your DH. My DH suffers from OCD, and it was a lot better for all of us when it was out in the open. The GP can refer you to the mental health unit nearer you, and eventually may refer you for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. DH had to wait a while for his CBT course, but it was absolutely and utterly worth it.
OCD can be linked with depression too, so medication may also be prescribed. Please do go and see someone though - OCD is an exhausting way to live, and it is treatable.
Good luck

Millymom
You are not alone I too have a form of OCD. Today I had enough! I spoke to my HV and she could see how upset I was. She rang my DR to make sure that he referred me to the mental health team (not the first time for me!)as I couldn't really explain what I was feeling to him. You have to find someone to talk to who you can trust. You need help to get through this. I can see from your message that you know the thoughts that you are having are irrational and that they are very difficult to shift, however it is possible to overcome this. I found Clare Weeks' book 'Self help for your nerves' very useful when I first started having crazy thoughts. Also there is No Panic that are also very good for support. You have to join to use their helpline (I think?) but they are very understanding. You should try to talk to your DH as you will need his support. You will get over this and you are not going mad! Your brain is just tired. Hope this is of help. Sorry if it seems abit rushed, but I am trying to type with one finger and a baby sleeping on my shoulder.

Agree with other posters. ADs such as Prozac can help with OCD, as can Cognitive Behavioural Therapy CBT. Mild OCD is probably best treated with CBT alone, anything more serious by a combination of ADs and CBT. NHS waiting lists for CBT can be up to 18 months/2 years if you are unlucky. Total cost of going private to a psychologist for CBT may not be as bad as you think - CBT tends to be quite time limited for this sort of thing, so would probably cost a total of £250 - £500. Let me know if you want more info about going private.

There is a lot of VERY good self help books and material around. Apart from the no panic website, the US OCD Foundation website is EXCELLENT - at www.ocfoundation.org. Some very good books are "The OCD Workbook" by Hyman and Pedrick, anything by Lee Baer (can particularly recommend Imp of the Mind and Getting Control by him, OCD the Facts by Frank Tallis. All of these should contain practical tips about how to limit checking, especially the OCD Workbook.

Thank you so much everyone I really appreciate your support on this. Dd is about to go to bed and I shall try and talk about this to Dh after that. Will look up websites and books. Thank you again for being so understanding. x

Hi Millymon I'll second what others have said in that it is great you are admitting to yourself that something needs to be done. I'm in a similar position in my life, but have not got OCD. I am very interested that you have not shared this with your DH. That is the same as me. I am finding it very hard to tell anyone. I know it would make everything easier to manage but I cant bring myself to do it. Any tips anyone?

Hang in there Millymon. Well done for getting this far. I felt better when I accepted my problem. Now it's just a case of doing something about it.

Can I do asmall highjack?
mts, if one actually want to find some private shrink to do cbt, do you recommend some avenue to find a good one?
I think I need one badly!

millymum - I hope you find some help!

lua - the way I did it was via this website:- www.babcp.org.uk/ following the "Find a therapist" link and phoning around, getting an idea as to waiting lists, and as to people's experience with my particular problem, methods used etc. I was lucky in that one of the first people I spoke to couldn't fit me in, and recommended another psychologist to me. I would do a bit of internet reading from reputable sources on what sort of treatment is effective for your particular problem, to get an idea as to what you are looking for in a therapist.

Why are you keen to go down the private route as a matter of interest? I was pretty much forced down the private route as I was PG, had OCD, and as I was PG, GP wouldn't do anything other than refer me to the practice counsellor (and effective treatment for OCD is either meds or CBT, not counselling!)

Thanks mts!
I don't want to highjack too much, if you like you can check my thread "I am going mad"
But to answer your question, I just don't think I can wait for NHS referring, it seems to take too long!

Thanks mts!
I don't want to highjack too much, if you like you can check my thread "I am going mad"
But to answer your question, I just don't think I can wait for NHS referring, it seems to take too long!