Hi everybody - regular MNer here in silly disguise.
I need help and am a little embarassed.
Not sure where to start... I am really getting quite pathetic and I need to do something but don't know how. Can anyone point me in the right direction?
I am supposedly a full time working mother with two lovely beautiful well-behaved kids. Basically I can't cope with anything emotianally. I yell at DH, the kids for just about nothing. I feel like throwing the cat across the room if he so much but rubs against me. I sit to do work, and I can't get it done. I sit cathatonic most of the time, and get either teary or angry about everything.
DH, who is really helpful,is going to be away for a week next month. And I think this has thrown me in such a panic attack that I can't handle the kids that it just put me off the edge. We have no family or friends (moved here recently)to help.
I went to see GP to see if I could get some drugs to help me out. Instead she told me I needed some time off work. She is also checking my bloods for anemia, thyroid, etc...
However, since I've been off I think I'm worst. I think I realize that although I have a somewhat stressful work it is my family that stresses me the most, and this is really depressing. I love them, but I feel like I can barely handlemyself emotionally, and thus I certainly cannot be there for anyone else (as they obviously deserve). This realization is making me even more depressed.
I also thought if I got out of work and out of some responsabilities, I would be more confident in taking care of the children on my own. Instead, I am feeling even more panicked. My hands shake and my head is swirling around most of the time.
Dh has offered to not go, but I know how important for him is to go. I'm afraid I will feel even more of a failure If I can sort this out, and made him loose this opportunity.
In short, I just don't seem to find any solution that won't make things worst. Themore I try to work this out, the worst I seem to feel. Now, a feel a failure for asking to be out of work, and to get out of some of my responsabilities. Feel like a horrile mum to my kids for not coping with really simple stuff (like giving them a bath), and of course a horrible wife for putting Dh is such a difficult situation.
What do I do??? GP will see me again in 2 weeks to see if I'm better. She thinks is PNd. But wouldn't refer me to a counseller until I have rested. However, at the rate I'm going my whole life will be in pieces before then! I am willing to look for private help, but to e honest I don't know how. I tried a couple of Psychiatric counselling before but though they were both aiming for a 2 year long treatment, and I think mostly for getting money. I need some quick solution, to at least get me in balance.
Any ideas???