Mental Health and having a baby

[MsFanackerPants]

Hi, I thought this might be the best place to get an answer to the worry I have at the moment

My partner and I are planning to TTC in about 12 months time. I have depression and have been treated on and off for it for the last decade, a combination of medication and psychotherapy.
I self injure when it's very bad (although I do it in a safe way if that makes sense) and last year disclosed to my GP and to my mother that I was sexually abused as a child. I have been suicidal but not acted on it.

I'm now very worried that as this is on my medical record there will be social services involvement once I become pregnant and that our baby will be considered at risk. My partner has severe OCD, but we have a loving, stable supportive relationship, we both work in responsible professional jobs and keep a clean home, maintain relationships with our families and I am open and honest with medical professionals, but sometimes have difficulty recognising I'm on the brink and then have a meltdown.

I know this doesn't make me unfit to be a mother, but I'm worried other people might. I'm not scared of social services but I am frightened of somebody official judging me.

As long as you take care of yourself i dont see it as a problem . You might be at more risk of post natal derpession , but your midwife should be able to help you with that and there are some very safe anti depressants that you can take during pregnancy if you need them .

Id discuss the fact your ttc with your gp , so you can get on the safe meds if needed.

Depression and ocd are not cause enough to call in ss , and doesnt make you unfit parent in itself . Your future child wouldnt be concidered at risk because of that alone.

Self harming is different . However if you have had successful treatment through cbt , then you will be on top of it and its no longer a big problem. You can beat this , a friend of mine stopped cutting herself when her dd was born , as she wanted to be the best possible mum for her daughter. I guess she was happier too and that helped.

Im sorry you`ve had abuse as a child , and i hope your suffering because of it comes to an end. There is no reason why you cant be a successful and loving mother to your own child. Good luck tcc.

I got bad PTSD as a result of a combination of child abuse and birth trauma, my dh had a significant episode of depression at the same time and our ds has special needs. All of this is on record and no one has ever had any concerns about our parenting!

SH is also not an issue as it is a world away from harming someone else - a totally different mechanism.

Just do what you can to get into the best possible state before you TTC and then go for it.

I have severe anxiety, depression and BPD and we're currently TTC. I'm not going to say I'm not scared because of course I am! But I'm stable-ish and slowly on the road to recovery, so we figured that there was no good reason not to try now.

From what info I could gather, having MH problems doesn't necessarily mean that social services will ever be involved. If you feel you can cope, then that's what matters, but find out where support is if things deteriorate when you're pregnant- we have a specialist perinatal MH team where I live. And definitely talk to your doctor before you start TTC if you're on meds , just to be safe.

Hi - really hope it goes well for you. Just to show some balance, I have a mental health history (medication and a care co-ordinator, no actual therapy) and thought I would have no involvement from other agencies, however have now been told I face safeguarding issues, a CAF and social care involvement now near birth. No indication of this until 32 weeks pregnant. Oh and no access to peri-natal mental health team.. So I really hope my experience is not yours, but it might be worth thinking through how you may deal with such intervention if it does happen, as a variety of professionals can action these routes and you cannot refuse them.

Being able to prove a period of stability (eg no self harm) may help you and showing you are seeking support may also assist.

Keziah so sorry to hear about what you're going through! :(

Thanks for the replies! It's quite reassuring, part of my depression is paranoia and fixation as well as a feeling of not being good enough, so the idea that SS might think this about me makes me a bit trembly. Self harming is very rare and the general consensus rfom professionals is that I am doing marvellously. I'm still working on my self recovery and I think most days I do ok. Or more than ok.

I have talked to my GP and practice nurse about TTC, both seemed to think I shouldn't wait too long and reminded me to listen to the tick-tocking of my body clock. I'm only 31! I accept that there is never a perfect time to have a baby, but there probably are better times than right now! I'm going to the doctors next week to ensure I have enough meds for our trip away, so will talk to her then about what support to think about before hand and if any medication changes are needed. I'm currently on citalopram and diazepam as needed (very rare, I should probably take it more often than I allow myself)

Keziah that sounds stressful for you and the baba, I hope that any involvement is minimal and to your benefit. It does help to hear the otherside

Glad you have support of GP and practice nurse. And I agree you are only 31 (I am 36!!) so whilst there is never a perfect time, if you felt you would benefit of another 6 months before ttc then you could choose that approach if you felt like it. Spending time on recovery and gaining support, perhaps asking for something like CBT to help you with techniques for when you struggle (diazepam is not routinely offered in pregnancy I was told) as alternatives can all help.

I am sure you will be lovely as a Mum - I was told about "good enough" parenting, rather than perfectionist parenting (I am the latter)!!

I don't think it would matter. Like yourself I'm a long-term sufferer (depression and anxiety for 15+yrs) and I've had on-off meds and talking therapy throughout that time. I'm a single mum with no input from my 4yo dd's father/family which should be of more concern ie no second parent to take up the slack when ill. I often feel suicidal though have only twice been actively suicidal. I'm also an on-off self-harmer (although I wasn't injuring immediately prior to conceiving) but have never been 'interferred' with by professionals. Last year I experienced (still experiencing really) my first severe episode since becoming a mum. I was regularly self-harming and the only questioning I got regarding concern for dd was are her basic needs being med (fed, clothed, washed etc) - they were - and does dd see me self-harming (never). I refused requested contact with SS but obviously there was insufficient concern to have them forced upon me. I get the impression that the view is if you self-harm you are unlikely to harm someone else.

I think sometimes us long-term sufferers just have to get on with ttc otherwise we can end up post-poning for years waiting for that perfect time when you're "fixed" and while of course it can happen, sometimes it may never happen sadly. I think if I'd waited I'd still be waiting but ironically whilst being pregnant and post-birth I experienced the best mh ever and believed for a long while that pregnancy had "cured" me. Fwiw I think you should just go for it!