Please help - Is this depression or something else?

[youarekidding]

Things are difficult atm. Finances etc (LP/debt).

This isn't a new thing (money etc) but lately I've just not been feeling myself.
Some days every little thing feels like a major deal, some weekends I've had to force myself to get dressed and some days I've woken up feeling great.

Due to feeling like this I have started exercising regulary (running/swimming) which is giving me some more energy but I still just don't feel right.

My closest friends have both had things going on and I've been there to support them and then one has been in hospital but OK now.

I just seem to feel either great or really low and can't seem to feel 'normal' iyswim?

Collegues have been asking if I'm OK and saying I look 'pale' 'sad in the eyes' 'seem really down and they're not use to seeing me like this' etc

I spoke to my friend tonight and mentioned I'd made a GP apt for next week as think I may be depressed and need something to help me balance out again. She told me that no-way was I depressed. It's stress and something entirely different. That if I was actually depressed I wouldn't be able to go swimming, running and work. That I wouldn't be able to get myself up in the mornings. I explained that it has become hard work and I'm having to force myself to do it. That the fact I've gone into work today despite being in agony after tooth extraction is because I know if I stop I'll never get started again.

Since this conversation I've felt on the verge of tears and I have no idea why. I don't know if it's because I feel my friend has let me down (I've supported her lots atm as her mum has cancer and she's been in hospital for 2 days), if it's because I'm just emotionally drained atm or whether it's just my state of mind making everything feel worse than it really is.

Anyone else been here and have advice? I just want to feel like me again.

Hi - its probably best not to let your friend disgnose you .

You may or may not have full blown depression but definately worth chatting through with your GP. You might find some counselling helpful. (if you can afford might be quicker to go privately.)

Just wanted to confirm what kizzie says, and that seeing the GP is exactly the right thing to do.
Even if your friend is a qualified mental health specialist, her own present problems make it unlikely she could make an accurate diagnosis of your own, so best not to take her opinion too seriously. Exercising is probably the best thing you can do to help yourself until your appointment, and spending time with friend/s who might be more content with their lives.

Thanks.

Well mood not helped by tooth extraction I had yesterday and the pain I'm in! Got sent home from work - that really that bad and got ordered to leave! - and slept for 5 1/2 hours!

Spoke to said friend tonight who was just "I wish I could sleep, I'm so tired too, I had that pain when I had my wisdom tooth out" etc.

I'm so pissed off [anger]. I'm there for all my friends and now I need someone and no-one cares.

Hi, just read your thread. I've been suffering for several years now with anxiety, stress, depression... well... they all kind of cross over really don't they?

I've been on anti deps for about five years now... and on the whole I feel 'normal' but I know this is because I am on them.

When I was originally ill... I was taking my kids on outings, getting them to school on time.. able to have cheerful conversations.. able to pull myself together for long enough to do most things I had to do. But I was gradually becoming seriously ill, and it became harder and harder to pull myself together in the end. At times I walked the kids to school with tears streaming down my face, trying to hide my head in my hands... the point that I knew it was all beyond me was when I collapsed sobbing in a heap in my kitchen just because I couldn't get a doctors appointment for antibiotics. It took me half an hour to get myself off the floor.

So.. yes you can certainly be ill and still function. And it is not good to ignore it till it gets to crisis point. Depressed people are generally the ones who cry in private but make an enormous effort to put on a good show when they need to. This in itself drains you so much. Many suffer from depression but you would never know it on the outside.

Depressives also can be swinging from... everythings going just great.. to ... everything is just too much... day by day.

So no your friend does not understand what depression is. But then many people don't know much about it really and we were told in one help class how difficult it is for those who love us if they don't really understand it... often not knowing why we cant just 'pull ourselves together'. So maybe try not to be hurt by your friends ignorance on this subject. Many people have close ones who do love them, but don't really understand the illness. If you had a broken leg everyone totally gets it.

Try and keep your support network to those who can get it for now, doctors, mental health workers, and a few choice people with some experience or understanding.. and hopefully your friend will learn from you hopefully as you work through whatever it is that you officially have.

Sorry I've gone on.. I still don't really class myself as 'depressed' but I know the pills give me balance and reduce the extremes of the mood swings and life is do-able.

Hope this all helps.

Thanks twange You have just described exactly how I feel atm.

Hopefully GP will be understanding on Thursday when I see her.

I'm sure the GP will understand, as one third of patients who consult a GP are for mental health difficulties. 1 in 4 people experience mental health problems at sometime in their life and 6 people are suffering at any one time.

Depression is a very common though horrid illness and I speak from experience - have had 2 major episodes, on psych ward for 3 months each time.

If you find it difficult to the GP, just make a list (bullet points) so that it is easy for her to read and just hand it to her. It is highly likely that you will burst into tears, but that's ok - I did this. Some GPs use a short questionnaire and ask you about the classic symptoms of depression, not sleeping, feeling sad, having no interest in life, can you concentrate on reading or TV. and suicidal thoughts.

You certainly will not be telling her anything that she hasn't heard hundreds of times before. Take care and hope you get the help you need.

Thanks NanaNina

Thats really useful about the bullet points as I am worried it will sound like a pathetic pity party trying to tell het how I feel.

Glad you like the idea of bullet points but you must stop thinking of yourself as pathetic - I know to some extent you can't help it because depression makes us believe things about ourselves that aren't true. Let is know how you get on.