Thanks for replies. It has taken us 7 years (lots of infertility issues, but natural conception aged 36) to conceive this little baby and yes my DH totally supportive.
Thanks for information about a CAF. My logical brain says getting support would help, however having been told who would be there (know all apart from vulnerable adult social worker who will not meet me before hand, which doesn't inspire me that they are there to support me) and asked the person who told me about it, they said they don't expect any support after the CAF other than (a) what I already have - which is a care co-ordinator from my community mental health team, she is newish to me and (b) potential therapy when I have proved I am in a routine with a baby and safeguarding issues lifted - which had already been agreed after 18mth process to get it. Other help such as midwife, children centre, health visitor is what every mum is entitled to apparently. What has been denied me is what I really needed - access to the mental health midwife (the one who understands mental health conditions and birth) as my main issues and what has caused this week of absolute distress for me are anxieties about birth due to previous traumas in my life or access to the peri-natal mental health team who can provide up to 18mths psychological help (know this as friend of a friend got this for post natal depression from this team, with no CAF and no safeguarding and cleared totally to continue working with 0-3's) or support groups the peri natal team run, or individual midwife support from them to help me adapt to motherhood. My psychiatrist (last seen at 16 weeks pregnant, no plan to see me until birth either!) refused this referral twice because I have her and a care co-ordinator. I only can have access to peri-natal team if I need inpatient support due to psychosis (which I have never had before).
Therefore I have to face a CAF and safeguarding and child protection issues further down the line due to no support being put in place before birth - and they have no plans to put any in place. This goes against the NICE guidelines, but they are not policies and a CAF is.
The CAF scares me. I seek help and get told no. Therefore they are having a CAF, giving me a social worker (and despite what people may say, that is a huge threat to me and fear) and I have been told that there will no access to any support and not to expect any as it is (a) too late for any before birth and (b) not available.
So I am upset, angry and very low about it. The agencies can't be too concerned about me. The midwife who is raising child protection issues apparently in this meeting (oh yes she told me) said you are 35 weeks pregnant, see your consultant at 36 weeks pregnant - so I don't think I need to see you again. So I don't even have a midwife pre-birth to do any checks. My care co-ordinator saw me this week and has not contacted me with any further appointments to see her.
Sorry for ranting - it is keeping me awake at night, waking me up in the early hours. I have a range of mental health labels - which has never given me access to any NHS support in 5 years, so now I feel I am being punished. I did eventualy get 6 sessions with clinical psychologist last year, who said my actions and behaviours are classic trauma reactions (mentioned CPTSD to me) and not that of someone with a personality disorder, but as she is not a psychiatrist she can't label me or re-label me. I got a BPD label 2years ago without any assessment for it - the then CPN labelled me, literally himself, then 4 months later the psychiatrist agreed to it (no formal diagnostic tools used) and the CPN then got funding to run a DBT group in the nearest City and apparently my label was one of which securred funding for the year long therapy and individual therapy that he ran with 2 others. Oh and guess what - I was not invited to this therapy!!! Challenging this label has caused more problems for me, so now services see me as threatening - and having raised a formal complaint 2yrs ago for a variety of issues (much of which upheld, but led to worse treatment of me) which is my concern about the CAF and social service involvement (told they will be at the meeting - obviously not to support me but for safeguarding issues and then to progress to child protection issues) as this is a way for services to get back at me. Any service that cared about its users would not - in my opinion - have refused access to a service such as peri-natal mental health - that can assist their patient. My psychiatrist told the peri-natal mental health team I already have a big package of care in place and do not need their services. I don't see how a cpn who has no children even of her own and is not midwife trained and is not a therapist can equal a whole team of specialist workers. The CAF cannot give me access to this team as I needed their support pre-birth and that is now too late.
sorry - an essay. Don't expect anyone to survive reading it.
My brain is telling me to have baby, legally separate from my DH who is desperate to me a Dad and give him total custody. That will spare the child from child protection for years to come as he is physically and mentally well. My midwife said they are not concerned about me, only the baby and there will be nothing put in place for me as that is not their job at the CAF.