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Mental health

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Original poster

"You don't HAVE to be depressed you know....."

21 replies

backintraining · 01/02/2012 20:28

The title of this post is just one of the delightful pearls of wisdom my GP imparted today!

Bit of history, DD is coming up 5 months, she is my second DC, I have a DS who is 3. About a month ago I was diagnosed with PND by an out of hours Doctor, two days later I saw my GP and he wanted to refer me for counselling and try and get me through it without ADs. I agreed to give it a go.

Unfortunately I have only just had my assessment for counselling and there is an 8 week waiting list from this point. Things were not improving at home, if anything they were worse. Yesterday I really, truly believed that I wanted to die and my children would be better off without me.

Anyway, I made an urgent appointment this morning and saw the GP - a different one. These are just a selection of things she said to me:

"ADs won't work, they are a crutch... nor will counselling, you need to get this depression out of your head. It is a state of mind."
"You don't have to be depressed you know...... you have a choice."
"You could have a child dying of cancer"
"There are people out there who can't have children"
"Happiness isn't just about winning the lottery."
"You need to get over this and love your daughter, otherwise when she is a teenager she will just resent you anyway."
"This is the easy bit, just wait until your children get older. They say some hurtful things."
"What are you going to do if something serious happens to you one day or you ever become seriously ill"
"Stop cat napping in the day then you will be able to sleep better"....... I have a three year old, trust me I don't cat nap.

One that really pushed me over the edge was: "Look, some women get preeclampsia and don't even get through the birth, you could have had a baby in SCBU..........." I think I exploded when I told her that DS was born prematurely due to preeclampsia and he had spent 4 weeks in SCBU so I was familiar with that albeit 3 years ago!

I have no idea really why I am posting this. I am still gobsmacked 10 hours later. She did give me ADs (Fluoxetine sp?), needless to say I won't be allowing her to review me in two weeks. I have also raised a complaint with the practice manager.

OP posts:

NewYearsDaysie · 01/02/2012 21:02

how did you not punch this person? I think you definitely did the right thing raising a complaint. Confiding in someone that you feel the way you do is a major major step forward and believe me when I say that counselling is worth the wait and get yourself ADswhile you wait because they do work (although they take a little time, about 4 weeks its not immediate ... do give them chance it is worth it) have a and pour it over that stupid docs head!

Grockle · 01/02/2012 21:03

OMG

I'm so sorry - it's hard to believe there are GPs like this.

I hope you find a GP who is sensible and supportive and that the ADs help you get through the worst of it before your counselling starts.

fedupandtired · 01/02/2012 21:23

That's shocking and I'm really angry on your behalf.

Some people, even doctors, just don't understand mental illness. Hopefully she'll be told the error of her ways and get some more training.

NinjaChipmunk · 01/02/2012 21:36

That is shocking. Good for you for raising with the practice manager. I really hope you get a sensitive and knowledgeable GP who can help you through this and the GP you saw is pulled up on her behavior and given some more training.
Good luck for the future, I hope you get all the help you need.

notcitrus · 01/02/2012 21:43

Thank you for alerting the practice manager to this GP. I was hoping that such GP attitudes had died out as haven't encountered them in the last 10 years (but quite frequently before that), but clearly not.

I hope the ADs help until you can get decent counselling (some NHS counselling used to be almost as bad as your GP, but if there's a waiting list nowadays I'd hope it's good!)

LadyMedea · 01/02/2012 22:01

That's terrible. Well done for complaining.

hiddenhome · 01/02/2012 22:32

Bloody hell, that's terrible Saying things like that could easily push somebody over the edge. What a total idiot she is. Well done for complaining. She totally needs some education and an attitude readjustment

joanofarchitrave · 01/02/2012 22:35

Jeeeeeeeeesus Christ.

I am so glad you are complaining about this.

I am so glad you are starting ADs.

More power to your elbow.

Tonksforthememories · 01/02/2012 22:36

WTF?? I can't believe these people still practice! If my GP had said similar with my last bout of PND, i think she would have pushed me over the edge.

Good on you reporting her. I also had Fluoxetine and got on really well with it. Hope you do too.

soandsosmummy · 02/02/2012 12:54

"You don't have to have a broken leg you know - you have a choice" of course he wouldn't say that so why is he coming out with this rubbish to you.

And if ADs don't work why the hell has he prescribed them to you - either he's a rubbish doctor or he's a rubbish doctor.

Good for you for complaining I hope he gets all the retraining he needs. Hope the ADs kick in and start helping soon

Grumpla · 02/02/2012 13:02

Good lord what a fucking dinosaur!

When I finally plucked up the courage to go to my GP several years ago I told him that I felt I was failing by needing ADs "as a crutch". He told me that he recommended these particular ones as they were the ones he had found most helpful when he was going through a period of bad depression. That's the sort of sympathetic, reassuring response you should be able to expect from a GP.

If you'd broken your leg you wouldn't feel like a "failure" for using a crutch FFS!

I think ADS can be a very useful crutch to help balance you out and give you a bit of space / calm to address your depression. For me, being on ADs for a period enabled me to develop coping strategies that have stood me in good stead ever since. I really hope you have the same positive experience and that you never have to deal with this fuckwit again.

iklboo · 02/02/2012 13:06

Pop a copy of your complaint to the PCT who looks after the practice as well. They'll keep it on file at least - she may be spouting this archaic crap to loads of patients. She needs more training. One of the principles of the GMC's Good Medical Practice is keeping up to date with training!

PoppadumPreach · 02/02/2012 13:19

I'd report her to GMC too - the surgery will try to sweep under carpet.

Sounds like she has a real knowledge shortfall and some retraining would be in order.

Hope you get the help and support you need.

PoppadumPreach · 02/02/2012 13:20

www.gmc-uk.org/concerns/making_a_complaint.asp

Link to reporting her to gmc.

Original poster

backintraining · 02/02/2012 23:41

Wow, thanks for such supportive replies. I am definitely following through with the complaint. She's terrible. She is the same GP who told my friend colic was a myth. She also told me she didn't think it would be wise for my husband to have a vasectomy just in case one of our children died.... this was after I told her not only did we not want anymore, but due to medical issues following my last two pregnancies I can't have anymore children anyway.

I don't know why I just didn't punch her in the face.

OP posts:

DioneTheDiabolist · 02/02/2012 23:47

Congratulations for not punching her in the face. And congratulate yourself for being able to do something to protect others from her ignorance. Are you on the waiting list for counseling?

Original poster

backintraining · 02/02/2012 23:51

Sorry, to clarify, I can't carry anymore babies. I can still get pregnant which would be dangerous, which she knows, hence the vasectomy request.

OP posts:

Original poster

backintraining · 03/02/2012 00:02

Yes. I am on a waiting list.

OP posts:

LadyWidmerpool · 03/02/2012 00:03

I hope you feel better soon, that's the important thing. Fluoxetine did great things for someone I'm close to.

Well done for raising a complaint. This dangerous rubbish needs to be nipped in the bud. You have done your fellow patients a real service.

DioneTheDiabolist · 03/02/2012 00:37

Good. I am so glad. I know that 8 weeks seems a long time right now, but you can get through it. You seem an insightful, strong person.

If you need help or support in the interim, post here.

I think you have behaved brilliantly and you really made my day. You showed composure, displayed intelligence and tried to make the world a better place for vulnerable women, even though you are hurting at the minute.
You are mega cool!

nizlopi · 03/02/2012 12:12

That is terrible, so out of order. I had PND with my son, when I originally went to my GP about it, she said to me that I should think myself lucky that my son was happy and healthy, and that I'd had a 'romantic' view of what birth should be like, and now I was just behaving bitterly about it not going my way. I don't want to go into my birth story, but needless to say, I am still pretty traumatised by it. The things that GP said to me stopped me getting help for another year, by which point I was barely functioning.

Things said like that by people in that position are really fucking harmful. I'm glad you are strong enough to see that she's so, so wrong.

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