Have name changed btw. Sorry if this is a bit long!
Dh is, I am sure, anxious and depressed and probably has been since dc1 was born 8 years ago. It has got increasingly bad, I realise now, since dc2 was born and life has got busier. Bascially looking back I think I have transferred some of the 'nurturing' to the children and this has left him feeling unsupported. He is incredibly anxious, particularly when tired (gets vastly more sleep than me, I have taken on all the non-sleeping toddler duties as he is foul if up at night) and seems to want to scale back on anything remotely stressful. I suppose the best way to describe him is 'joyless' - a black cloud of negativity hangs over our family life. He is critical of our elder child (actually pretty well behaved) and has a shorter and shorter fuse when tired. Has on occasion pushed and shoved her when she doesn't immediately obey. He is also utterly unable to cope with the normal mess that a toddler makes eg when eating. He clearly dislikes his job, but won't discuss alternatives.
Anyway, apparently he is not depressed, the cause of all his problems is me and I do nothing to support him. This is because I have tried to talk through what might be wrong and in the process have suggested he might have some control over his moods eg eating more regularly, trying to see count his blessings etc.
Things came to a head last night when he was tired and coldy and we both agreed he should move out for a bit, again I am apparently "completely unsupportive" towards him. So he has gone off with a suitcase to get some space.
I suppose if I am honest I don't feel 100% sympathetic to someone who takes no responsibility for his happiness - he is always the victim. I am not suggesting that everything is his fault and if he is depressed I would absolutely help him, but what can I do if he refuses to admit it?
Friends who haven't seen him for a while btw are shocked by the change in him, so I am not alone in this view.
Can anyone help? I feel sad for us all really 