Is counselling really worth all this?

[queenoffairies]

I have posted about my difficult and abusive childhood in the past, under a namechange. I now don't have the energy to namechange again - so am sticking with the original.

I have started counselling re issues from my childhood, and to say it is tough going is a massive understatement I knew it was going to be hard, but I wasnt expecting this. I am having panic attacks left right and centre, flashbacks from triggers that I didnt know would trigger anything, and am basically a mess I already suffered from quite bad depression, and have direct payment support of 7 hours per week to help with social inclusion. That hasnt happened since before Xmas, as i cant cope with going out.

I am a lone parent for my 2 DDs, DD1 14(ASD) and DD2 5 - with no family support at all due to my entire childhood in care. I cant afford (emotionally) to fall apart any more than I am at the moment, and I think I am rapidly reaching the point where I jack it in. Everyone told me counselling is worse before it gets better - its just I have no idea how long this stage will be, and quite frankly - I am scared.

Sorry for such a negative post I think I just need to offload before I explode.

I'm struggling with this question myself, but I know last time I had a round of counselling, it was very bad for a couple of months and then it did get better. I think it depends on the counsellor. Tell him or her how you're feeling at your next appointment, that it seems worse. They'll be able to advise you.

I'm currently undergoing counselling mine started in early November and was horrendous up until the last session on Friday, but I've turned a corner and moved on to next stage it is a long road and will be up and down I have cried a lot had panic/anxiety attacks flasbacks and gone through every emotion possible some I didn't know existed.Mine is also due to severe childhood issues I am also on AD's and they where increased 2 weeks ago and I can now function better I still have major problems going out alone and into busy situations, but I like you will get there and it will be worth it I have been told I'm a nicer person now as I was very angry before.

Thanks for your replies, though sorry you have also been through it.

I am with my counsellor tomorrow - she is very lovely which I guess is half the battle. I may mention how i am feeling, thanks Sofa. Dotty, if you don't mind me asking - you say you have turned a corner. Does that mean the flashbacks etc have stopped?

Fairys what I mean by turning a corner is that I am no longer constantly thinking about it and I no longer go into panic mode when going to bed this probably to do with the increase in AD's as it co-incided with that.I still have occasional flashback and nightmares but I have had nightmares my whole life. My next goal is to be getting out more and seeing people without panicking. It may well get worse if it goes to trial but I have the support of my counsellor at the crisis centre, my GP and both the DC here and where I grew up.

I'm coming to the end of a 3 year period of not being well with 3 lots of therapy (that's because my situation was complex, not because any of the counselling was bad!).

Flashbacks are hell, the worst thing ever, and they have now mostly slowly gone away.

Counselling in my view is worth it because as I see it, it brings the nasty stuff out in the open and then gives it its proper place. Traumatic memories don't always get 'date stamped' ie they don't fade to the past. It's like they jump first out of the filing cabinet every time it's opened. Counselling can help you give them their proper place so they stay where they are supposed to be.

Not to say it's not friggin painful though, I've had times where I haven't wanted to go, have never wanted to go back, have not felt able to open up and have wanted to be dead. But I'm very glad I did it now (and still doing it)