i have been agonising over whether I should write a post or not, as I have no idea if I have just gone past any help. I'll be honest and say I have changed my name for this, not that I post much anyway, just do not want anyone at all to even have the slightest suspicion of who I am.
ill just get straight to the point, i am suicidal and i have been since well before christmas. i have a wonderful partner who once i would talk to about these feelings, but this time i cant, and i have no idea why?
i had a very bad experience of being in hospital the last time, and no way will i ever go back in to that ward/hospital, so thats out of the question.
i have no pro relationship whatsoever with my cpn or ever changing psychs, my cpn is male, i asked about 2 years ago if it would be possible to be changed to a female psych, this never happened, i cant talk to him, not that i ever see him anyway, so i have no support there either.
i have no friends, my family live a long way away and contact with any of them is little. i havent sh'ed in years, but right now that is all i can think of.
i have a nice GP who is female, she told me to get in touch if things got worse, but i havent. i cannot use a phone and well i just seem to have gone past that point of wanting to help myself, i really dont care much about anything any more.
i have suffered with mi for more than 20 years, and each time it gets worse.