just need a bit of a vent.

[spingey]

I called my mum this morning and asked if she could come help me for a bit today with my house. I have been depressed for a while and as a consiquence the house is just horrendous.
I know it sounds totally pathetic but my head it a bit all over the place and the thought of getting on top of things just seems over whealming.
She said no....her reasoning was that my dsis (who has a young baby) had asked my mum the same thing yesterday and she had said no so it would cause tension if she came over and helped me with mine. I guess its fair enough. But over the past few days everytime I have called her even just for a chat she has been with my dsis and unable to talk, last night she had promised ds he could sleep over. He was so excited when he got in from school and called her straight away only to be told he couldnt, because my mum was having tea at my sisters. I then got interrogated as to why I havent called dsis all week and told off for "ignoring" her.
I even asked her is she wanted to come and see the wiggles with me and the dc's on dd's birthday. She said no because she might but probably wont be going on holiday with dsis.
What annoys me the most is that sis has a dp, all be it not the most supportive dp but she has one all the same. She wont ask him to do anything.....she reckons it causes arguments. I just feel at the end of the day if she walks on egg shells around him he is never going to step up and it falls on everyone around her to fill in for him and then he knows it doesnt matter if he doesnt help because someone else will. He is never going to step up if he knows that my mum or me will just do it. This has been going on for years now and I feel like just when I really need my mum she doesnt have time to even talk to me. I get that she is obviously under a lot of pressure from my sister to help out and the difference in our personalities means that when she asks she wont usually accept no for an answer. Im not trying to make her feel guilty. I just feel totally alone atm.
Im working through my depression and I know the state of the house makes it worse so whilst I was asking for help I was trying to help myself at the same time if that makes sense.

Im not sure what Im expecting people to say. Im just really lonely right now and needed to vent a bit. Just tired of doing everything on my own.

Poor you Spingey!!!

Wish I could offer practical help and a hug. What a collection of things you have dragging you down.

Do you have any friends nearby - could you join forces and do each others housework together? your house one day, their house the next? It isn't much of a solution but I know these tasks are soooo much easier with company.

Hope you get something nice coming along to give you a lift soon.

:)

Thank you for the kind reply. I made another thread in good housekeeping and me and some other posters have spent the day keeping one another well motivated to do our housework....sounds sad but I feel quite good that I managed to get up and do it myself with out my mums help. Its not perfect yet but its 100 x's better than what it looked like this morning. :) Im going to spend more time tomorrow chipping away at it and hopefully it will all start coming together. :)

Oh brilliant!! So glad you found a way to make it less daunting and more fun!
Just goes to show - you feel so alone but when you reach out to people they reach back... just need to get some of that going in RL too. :)
When it has mounted up it can seem so overfacing just to consider it, and that's not even when you have depression plus other problems!
Give yourself a huge pat on the back, and I for one, think you have taken a big step - cos it might be 'only' a bit of housework but when things are the way they are for you just now, being imaginative and proactive about the way you tackle it is a huge Well Done!
Now, when can you come round and do mine?

I dont mind doing other people housework. I just hate doing my own because its the same thing every day. And you feel rubbish that you cant even keep on top of a bit of mess. Anywho the house is looking a million times better now and if I can keep this up for a few more days everything should be back in order and I might even be able to do some decorating.

I had a nice lie in today and we are going to have some lunch in a mo then go out to the park for a bit. get some fresh air.

I am feeling a lot more positive about it and have decided to start addressing other areas in my life that need work. like my confidence. need to start making time for me and making sure I get the attention and help that I need to get me functioning at full capacity again.

Thanks for being so nice :)

Spingey you sound like a total diamond - getting out for fresh air is a great idea and not the sort of thing that someone whose depression was beating them would manage to do. Hope you keep climbing up and up - you sound like you'll make it to me fwiw. :)

Decorating next- Crikey - now I'm beginning to wonder if I have depression.... I haven't been as pro-active as you for yonks!

Thanks. I have been feeling quite let down by the people around me in RL recently but Im going to get on top of this with or without them. It was really difficult to say it out loud to them that I wasnt coping and I knew I was slipping back into being depressed, I thought I might have got some help but all I got was blank looks.
I dare say Im just on a bit of a high at the moment and in a few days I will come crashing back down but at least when that happens now the house is clean, the washing is done and I know I can get back up again. Everyone on here has been really great to me.
We have a new park about 5 mins walk from our house, I took dd in the week and ds was gutted that he didnt get to come so I promised him we would. I always feel better when I get out of the house and whilst I would rather stay in my pj's today and potter around the house Im going to make myself go out. I know it will make me feel better in the long run.

Regarding the diy, If you saw my flat and all the unfinished projects there are you too would be forcing yourself to finish them off. There are a few odds and ends in each room and if I could get them done then its another thing that wouldnt be maing me feel depressed. I know its the things around me that make me feel depressed so I guess if I start making positive changes then I can makes things a little better.

That is so true - walking into a house which is basically a giant to-do list is not good for your state of mind - I should know!
Sounds like your RL people are a bit thoughtless or just have no knowledge of depression etc. Maybe you could try to meet some people in a similar boat - have you been on local mumsnet to see if anyone is near you?
I bet your DD and DS love you to bits and pieces, so hopefully that reminds you you are the centre of someones world despite some family ickiness.
I bet many people would be glad to know you and give as much as they take, and I hope you find them. :)

My flat was like a slum when we moved in so it is slowly inching in the right direction.....I just need to have a mass glossing session and finish off all the odds and ends and it might actually look semi respectable. its a bit enbarassing at the moment.
My mum has been depressed for as long as I can remember which is why I thought she would be a bit more understanding.
I want to try and expland my friends in rl, my best friend isnt talking to me at the mo (which has turned out to be a good thing) Im sure in a month or two things will be sorted out but for now im going to focus on me.
I love my little babies, and I think they love me back. We are pretty close so I do feel loved :)
You are a really lovely mner and have put a huge smile on my face, so thankyou.

Ahhhh fanks. Glad to be of service

Maybe that's why your sis has such success getting your mum to run around after her - maybe she needs to be needed with her state of mind.

Still - you will derive much self esteem from not relying on someone who helps reluctantly only. :) So I hope your plan works.

Up and at 'em my Spingey friend.

spingey I was so sorry to hear you had no response from your mum,but good for you in starting on the problem yourself,if you carry on doing a bit a day your house will be super sparkling in no time,going to the park is a fab idea so reward yourself and your DCs as often as possible with that as a treat,you could think of taking a packed lunch with you even though it only 5 mins away and have a nice picnic with your DCs they would love it,and such a change from every day stuff.If you continue to do a small amount every day the jobs will soon be completed and you will be the owner of a nice home which will then only need tidying through every day or so,giving you more time for you DCs.Best wishes on the springclean

Its quite a nice park, didnt even know it existed untill a couple of days ago!!! It has picnic tables so once its a bit warmer I was thinking we could do the whole picnic thing. We are lucky we have quite a few nice parks close by, one even has a massive outdoor paddling pool.
Im looking forward to everything being done including the diy, its been quite a burdon financially as well as mentally, it plays on my mind at night when Im trying to sleep.
Once the house is sorted I can get on with the garden which is where I really want to be, even in this cold weather i would much rather be outside digging a hole and planting a shrub. Cant wait to get the garden all sorted for summer and be able to spend all the nice weather in it. At the moment its a bramble patch!!!
Just trying to keep myself busy and focus on more positive things than feeling low.

re: playing on your mind when you're trying to sleep, have you tried writing all the jobs down in order of urgency, then when you get a moment you do the tasks in strict order, so you get the satisfaction of crossing them off. I always find if I write these things down they stop preventing my sleep cos they stop going round and round in my head. :)
Wish I lived near you - sounds lovely.
Also... when you have finished my housework would you mind starting on my gardening - I find that a real chore.

Can you tell I'm at my computer 'working'?

by the way - just a thought - but if you enjoy gardening why do that after the house?
The house won't change the garden will... Why not wrap up warm and tackle that now while plants are still not yet growing like mad? Get the kids doing it to kids love getting mucky!
Then it is a smaller job than in spring anyway - which from the sounds of it will be the earliest your house is ready. You will have a nice garden ready for the summer and the progress you make there will be a) enjoyable and b) make you feel better so you can tackle the house then.
Its free to hack down brambles and I bet it would be sooooo therapeutic.