Is this how it starts? I'm turning into my mum.

[Magneto]

My mum has lot of problems but mainly a long long history of what she calls manic depression but I understand they now call it bi-polar disorder?

I have dealt with a lot since I was 8 years old, mainly mental abuse from my mother which continues to an extent to this day. I am now 22, married and with an 18 month old ds. I have always thought I could cope with everything but recently I really don't think I can anymore.

I work full time and while I'm not (always) tired I can fall asleep whenever I want, except at bedtime usually (hence still being awake despite having to be up at 5am). I could sleep 18 hours a day if I tried.

I have no motivation to do anything, I can plan and make lists and organise things but when it comes to actually doing it I just never do. Dh has said that I can't just do a bit at a time, I always want it all done right now or not at all, I get unreasonably upset if it doesn't work out or doesn't get done.

I get horrendously upset if I read about a baby or child getting hurt or dying. I will sob reading the article and can't stop thinking about it for
days. I put this down to having a baby myself
but it still seems excessive.

Over Christmas there were a lot of problems with my mum and my brother and sister, I feel emotionally exhausted from having to deal with this. Dh hates his job, it depresses him, crap money, crap hours and treated like crap too but despite5 years of searching noone else has offered him a job. I am the main breadwinner and I hate it. I need to be with ds but I can't.

I fight with dh over nothing, I never want to have sex and it is just me I can hear myself saying things and acting like my mum would in an argument. I don't want my family to have to live with someone like that.

I'm slipping and I know it, I just don't know what to do about it. In in tears just writing this although it seems like nothing written down, I'm just so afraid of turning into her.

Try the book - Potatoes Not Prozac by Kathleen Desmasons.

Depression is not a genetic illness it is a modern disease.

xxx

Contrary to what Clary says there can be a hereditary (which is not the same as genetic) element to certain mental illnesses including bipolar. But you do not come across bipolar from how you describe yourself. You do sound tired, fed up and possibly depressed. No risk of turning into your mum methinks - but maybe a visit to the doctor is in order.

Hi,
I Went through a similar thing when my children were younger. I felt like I didn't know how to parent, be a wife, or have a 'normal' family. I was offered anti-depressants which I turned down. I tried counselling, CBT ( which u can get through the NHS) and 'lifespan integration' which sounds mad if you read about it but it re-programmes your brain to make up for the childhood neglect. Does sound mad but worked for me. I felt more confident and in control after about 3 months. It has also helped me distance myself from my toxic parents!
Try the doctor, they may be helpful!

Depression is a curable illness,and it does run in families.prevalence increased if familial member had depression

However,with adequate treatment, medication, good activity level and support you can hope to retain good quality of life

Clarry depression and mood disorder have been written about for thousands of years and are part of the human condition. In fact Socrates Said "Our greatest blessings come to us by way of madness, provided the madness is given us by divine gift." description of mental illness over the centuries abound.

Your advice is bizarre,and has no factual basis

Potatoes are not a panacea for illness,nor a cure for mood disorders

Meant to say Depression is treatable illness,not curable
The impact and severity vary individually

Thank you for replying everyone, I'm glad you don't think I sound bi-polar madmouse, I do need to find time to get to the doctors, I have taken the day of work to try and get my head sorted a little bit.

I have always understood that depression can be genetic, and as I have said my mother suffers. My grandfather (her father) was also treated for depression for a large part of his life and his mother was actually sectioned and detained in a mental hospital for over 20 years (some research suggests she had puerperal psychosis after the birth of her last child).

I've always been worried that I will become ill too but until recently I've always thought I could manage it myself. The constant and unending stress I've been under seems to be wearing me down day by day.

There is ALWAYS an environmental cause. those causes can also be passed down through families which then produce problems in the children of subsequent generations. My point is we're not slaves to the dreaded genes. they change, they adapt and are nothing but modes of communication between the external world (lifestyle, diet, living conditions etc.) and the body.

People who say 'its in my genes' love the fact they're stripped of being responsible for their own health. I find it curious that our genes, on mass, have suddenly started malfunctioning. Autism (about 70yrs old) is genetic, obesity, ADHD, Asthma, Depression...oh its just our genes being naughty. couldn't possibly be what we're doing to ourselves or the planet.

ClaryKitten I am sure that you mean well, but I honestly think some of your posts sound a little odd, and you sound so definite about the things that you believe in. I don't think anyone can be definite about mental illness, as no one really understands the working of the brain which is a very complex organ. Medics don't understand why ADs work, or why they work for some people and not others, or why ADs that worked in a first episode, don't work in any subsequent episodes.

There are some very vulnerable people on this thread and I think they could be confused and possibly worried about some of your beliefs. Any chance you could maybe start your own thread on your beliefs, not necessarily on MH, and then you may find people who think as you do.

Magneta I think the last line of your last post says it all "The constant and unending stress I have been under seems to be wearing me down day by day"

I don't know whether you are just stressed out and need some time to rest and relax (which I know is not going to be easy for you) or whether maybe you are depressed, but the best thing to do is visit the GP - better still if you can find one who is empathetic in these matters. I have suffered severe depression and have read nmany books of the subjects, but the one I remember most is "Depression - the curse of the Strong" - written by a psychiatrist but can't remember his name.

Keep us updated as there is lots of support on here for you. MN MH thread has got me through some very dark days this past 18 months.

NanaNina good to see you where have you been. Thanks for that carefully worded post to Clary - I did not have the headspace to do it properly so refrained.

Clary if you had ever had a serious mental illness yourself (I had
bad complex PTSD and was in a lot of mental pain and turmoil all the time, not sleeping and wanting to be dead a lot) you would know that we'd eat all the potatoes in the world to stop feeling like that.

You need to stop trivialising mental health problems.

clarry your posts are misguided.you clearly know v little about mental health but seem to have considerable predetermined ideas

may i suggest you improve your reading to include reputable advice and information.and refrain from your quacky advice

Thank you for all the replies, honestly thank you all for caring!

Emsie I called in sick on Thursday and Friday because I just can't cope with crap at home and crap at work. I can do one or the other atm! I'll be back in on Monday and see how it goes. I am feeling a bit better at the moment, made some decision and got some stuff crossed off on my many lists which helps a lot. I agree that I think the fear of mental illness is just as bad - at least my mum doesn't worry about what her behaviour does to everyone else!!!

Ds is looked after by family (not my mum) when I'm at work and currently dropping my hours at work isn't an option, dh wants to go back to education to widen his career prospects and it's all going to involve a lot of juggling of money but it's what he needs to do. Im trying to think long term and getting dh and I where we want to be in life and not worry about the small things or the things I can't do anything about.

What's that saying? Something about knowing what you can't change and focussing on what you can?

YES!