Can someone tell me to pull myself together please?

[QED]

Have long term history of depression and anxiety. Have been off ADs for the past couple of tears after v successful CBT a few years ago. Have had various things in the past year or so which could have triggered anxiety or depression but haven't,

Have had some news about debt problems recebtmy which is causing me worry and can feel myself retreating into myself - haven't washed hair for a few days and house us getting v messy. Having problems going to sleep (although that has been there for a while) and finding getting up v hard. Feel a large amount of pointlessness and having fleeting suicide thoughts which are basically daft but would mean the debt in my name would be gone etc. XH and I split up last year and children have met OW now so the silly part of me feels they'd be OK if I weren't here.

How long do I leave it before doing something ie seeing GP? Was there today due to thrush but didn't think of mentioning thus as am hoping it us short term.

Am going to go and wash my hair before school pick up which feels a major achievement tbh.

Washing your hair sounds daft doesn't it but it actually helps a little bit. Am very supportive of you QED and think I know a bit of where your're coming from. I am by nature quite an introspective person. I can go through some crises and be fine but then something happens and I retreat into myself. I know that this retreat inwards is not good and I always feel better when I do anything which forces me to look outwards, eg, working at something outside of my home, going somewhere which involves talking to other people.

I would definitely go see your GP as soon as you can. I don't know how helpful he or she will be but the very process of doing it can help. I fully understand you struggling with the effort of it all. I am at a low ebb at the moment. Outwardly I have several good things going for me but I suffer from crippling self doubt. I am struggling to be positive but do know how hard it can be.

Your suicidal thoughts are a symptom of your inward looking feelings about life and not a true reflection of your own worth as a human being. You are a valuable, important person who is in a dark place at the moment. If you were no longer around you would probably be missed in ways you could never imagine.

Try to get youself into an open space, look at the sky and breath. That sounds a bit daft but I know when I feel like this I tend to walk around looking at the ground. It's a big open world out there and you can get back into it. Talk and do as much as you possibly can away from your own four walls. Good luck :-)

Thank you fir replying - knowing that someone has read and replied means a lot :)

Have washed my hair and found the floor in DDs room and put some clothes away which I think is pretty good. I have been getting out and doing things but generally on my own. Better than doing nothing I suppose though.

Will think about seeing the doctor - as I can tell this blip is on reaction to something rather than "just" depression I'm going to leave it a few days but is v easy to get appointments here so know I can get one quickly if necessary.

And thank you again :)