"Freedom" to commit suicide?

[TheyCallMeMimi]

I've posted before about DH's long-lasting depression and recent suicide attempt. Last night he had a new angle on it: he says he doesn't have the "freedom" to kill himself because he has a wife (that's me) and children (both are students).

I'm stuck for a response.

Not sure you should even try to respond to that, he is shoving a responsibility your way that is not yours to carry. In sickness and in health and all that but he is still responsible for his own choices and his own life.

Most people who are very depressed and want to be dead but do not commit suicide will be stopped by the ties they have here, the guilt of what they would burden their loved ones with. And at times that can make you resentful of your loved ones as you still want to be dead.

Personally the only time when my life was in danger and it nearly went very wrong is when I had decided with rockfast certainty that dh and ds would be better off without me, so in my view your dh feeling he doesn't have the freedom to kill himself is a good thing for now. Is he getting good treatment (I know you say it's long lasting depression but dh's lasted 12 years before he took meds and therapy).

This is incredibly tough on you. Do you have any support at all? Make sure you have someone you can talk to. It took me years and years to start talking about dh's depression and how tough it was on me, held back by feeling I was somehow betraying him. My life improved so much when I started talking!

Thanks, madmouse, for your useful perspective. I see a counsellor from time to time. She's very helpful to me. I also chat IRL and by email to a friend who is also helpful. DH has been depressed for 4 years and has been on a selection of meds plus sees a CPN regularly during the 4 years. He also saw a psychotherapist for a while and had an 8-week Mindfulness course.

I have introduced him to the notion of having a choice in what he does, and being responsible for his thoughts and actions, but he disagrees and gets annoyed with mew for suggesting such a thing. We had a bit of a full and frank exchange the other night about that. Re choices, he calls me "unsympathetic" and says I show "no understanding". I've explained that I understand that he wants to kill himself but that I can't feel what he feels, so I can't "understand" him to that degree.

He says quite a lot of things these days that I find increasingly difficult to respond to.

I hope your own situation no longer makes you feel suicidal.

Have you come across the book 'How You Can Survive When They're Depressed: Living and Coping with Depression Fallout' by Anne Sheffield. Nothing magical, but a comforting read.