Loneliness

[nomorefrizz]

Ok I dont really know where to start but thought I would see if there is anyone out there who may understand . I am in my late forties have a very people focussed job for which I get lots of positive feed back and think I am quite good at but is very demanding and quite stressful. I have plenty of aquaintances but I feel very few actual friends. I cannot remember the last time I had a call from anyone just for a chat. I cannot remember the last time I did the same either to be honest- I have lost all confidence that anyone would want to hear from me. I have a husband who loves me but doesn't understand and 3 teenage children. I just don't know where to start am really embarrassed to talk to anyone about it. Can anyone give any advice?

Hi nomorefrizz, I didn't want your post to go unanswered - I have seen quite a lot of threads on MN about this, it seems such a common issue. The only advice I can suggest is to push yourself to call someone that you used to call. Sunday night is a good night for catching up with people I think. If you feel awkward, you could always text first to see if they're free for a chat.

I can't give you any advice as I search for that answer myself, but wanted you to know you are not alone. I sometimes wonder if its and age and stage thing, that makes me able to see some hope for the future in that it might pass.
all the best. Good advice from Apuski might try that too.

Thank you both for your posts. Yes I agree with the age and stage thing. My children get to school independently so there is no longer the school gate meet up and if, as I do , you work full time then the opportunities for maintaining friendships are more tricky and require effort. Then confidence is lost and its a vicious cycle. It is not as if people seem to dislike me it just seems most people have their own inner circle of friends and Im never in it. This sounds so self pitying! My husband mean while has his own interest as a sports coach so has his own social life. Maybe this is the problem , if we made an effort together it may be easier to reconnect with people. Thank you for helping me to feel less of a freak anyway.

I think that unless you are very lucky where your life sets you up to frequently meet with like-minded people, the reality is that friendships do require effort.

I've moved to a new area in the last 6 months, and so am having to start from scratch - I am meeting new people but it'll take a long time to get past the acquaintance stage. So in the meantime I'm making an effort to call older friends who are miles away and chatting to a 'clique' on here that I'm a long term poster on - keeping my hand in at less superficial conversations in a way!

You are definitely not alone though! I suspect a combination of seeing if there are old friends you can reconnect with, acquaintances you can invest more time in and new people you can meet maybe via your DH might be worth a try.

I bought a book 'the friendship crisis' by Marla Paul (sorry can't link from my phone), which I found helpful, albeit a bit American in places.

Thank you. I think a combination of being a fairly shy person along with not much spare time has led me to this situation to a point. Its just that I start to question wether I am extremely dull, a bit odd, have poor personal hygeine (at least I know last one not true!) etc etc. May be I give out the wrong signals. I will look up the book that you recommend.

I recognise it. I have a partner, 2 18yr old's & an 11 yr old. I don't know my neighbours, there isn't any community I don't work and can go days without any proper adult conversation as my partner works away a lot.
I haven't gone out with girlfriends for about a year. I do have friends but only on a polite level, they never ask me to go out for a night out with them,and when I try and organise anything it never comes off.
I also find it hard to make friends. I seem to of had a better social life when I was going through my divorce, I was out most Fri nights and had lots of girlfriends on hand to help mop up the tears, but then I met said partner and slowly my girlfriends disappeared and now I don't go out unless it's with my partner. He has gone through a divorce as well and doesn't have many friends except one.
So how do I get round this problem ? People think I'm a confident person but I'm dying inside. I will be definitely be looking for the book.

Just been on Amazon and found the book www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=+%27the+friendship+crisis%27+by+Marla+Paul&x=0&y=0

Hope this helps :)