Is there something wrong with me?

[TwllBach]

I want to sleep All the time. I cry at the drop of a hat. I have this dragging desperate feeling of low level despair almost constantly. I have no motivation. I get angry much quicker than normal - i screamed at a colleague last week, yes she had been provoking me for months but I dont normally have a temper.

I don't feel like I'm me any more.

My mum has what she calls 'black dog' and I know that I've got a tendency towards it too, from when I was a teenager really. It normally comes for a week, maybe two, and then I can shake it off. This time I can't. It's been here since before Christmas and I can't shift it.

I've got a nice life. A DP who loves me, we rent a nice house, I have a job.

It's like I'm living on two levels - I can behave normally at work and then when I get home it's different. Today, for example, is my day off and when I picked DP up from work at 5, he asked what I did and it was literally nothing. I sat on the sofa at 8.30 and watched some films that I don't even remember now, although I did a couple of washes and some washing up too.

I'm scared of this feeling and I'm lonely and I'm scared that it won't go away.

You sound as though you're depressed. The thing is that your mum wouldn't have had access to the sort of medication that's available today - if she had, she would maybe have had a different life.

Go to the doctor and say exactly what you've said here. The first few days on ADs can be strange but then you will feel absolutely great. Not different, not high, just how you should be feeling all the time.

I'm so sorry you feel like this. It's really important you seek help.

I feel a bit weak for writing it all down like that, which I know is silly.

I did go to the doctor two years ago whilst I was feeling similar to how I am now, but I described it mostly as mood swings and she dismissed it as exam stress (I was a student) but I think I have to be a bit more specific because it isn't that.

With regards to anti depressants, I'm right in thinking that I could just have a short dose aren't I and that I won't have to be on them forever? Do I have to declare them on job applications if I'm looking for teaching jobs?

You do sound a bit depressed. You can talk to your GP and ask for their 'off the record' advice re anti-depressants. Anti-d's can be used for a few months and then stopped if they are not needed any more.

I'm not sure if you need to declare them if you are applying for a teaching job. You could start a specific thread to ask any teachers on here if they know about that.

No, I'm a teacher and - beside the fact that half the staff have been on ADs at some point - you are not asked that sort of question anyway. I don't think it's legal to ask about health, is it? Even if it is, a few months of ADs wouldn't be taken as a reason for not giving someone a job. Never, ever, don't worry about that.

And yes, you can take them short term, though that will be months rather than weeks. Once you are feeling okay, you could talk to your doctor about a sensible reduction/exit from them.