Had a wake up call today.

[dottyspotty2]

Under rape crisis centre and GP after disclosing childhood abuse, all my adult life i've had issues with my eating and sleeping which has escalated since doing this.

Was back at GP today told her everything as DC told me I had to she set me targets going out for short periods every day because I only go out if I have to and cooking and eating at least one meal a day. Told her I would try, came home had a sleep on settee got up and nearly keeled over guess I don't have a choice now.

Swore at the beginning and promised DS's[SN] SW I wouldn't let it get as bad as when I was 16-18. Now need to accept there's no quick fix for this didn't happen overnight so isn't going to be fixed in a few months much as I want it to. One day at a time now.

For different reasons I have not been eating properly for the past few weeks. Stbx has been cooking for DD(20) who gets in from work at 7pm cold and hungry.

A couple of times he hasn't been there, tonight was one of them, so I have cooked a meal for DD, and in spite of thinking I didn't want to eat, did share the meal with her. Felt much better for some decent food, I have to admit.

All of which is to say, can you sort of sneak up on it by focussing on cooking for DS and doing enough for you and eating with him?

Made a shepherds pie for DH,DS and me DD2 is veggie so just makes something to go with the mash. Only problem DH dished it up and put huge portion out only ate about a third of it.I want to start with side plate or bowl at first and do it myself its all about me being in control, I know he cares but he suffocates me with it that and his nagging about what I'm doing to occupy myself.

Oh bless I think he is trying to feed you up.

And you probably want to shout 'shut the fuck up' at him when he goes on trying to solve your problems for you. There's a theory, isn't there, that that's what men do, you want just to offload but they can't help offering solutions. How about 'I do appreciate what you are trying to do, however [NOT BUT, don't say 'but' if you can help it] I think I need to just sit silently and process things/take things slowly by myself' or whatever. Can you think of some little thing you could ask him to do so he feels he's helping, without swamping you?

It's a balancing act - you want to be in control but eating is your control to an unhealthy degree, that's the problem.

And I can see why you want to start with a bowl, start slowly, on the other hand you may be tempted to then convince yourself that you have eaten when in fact you've eaten very very little.

Thing is I could see this happening and me losing the control of everything it wasn't to bad before xmas was eating either a sandwich or rice pot a day. Then a few days before xmas when IT was arrested I picked up and was eating a meal a day just a small one but then it all became to much and I crumbled completely and was lucky to be eating every few days. Was out all day with DH today just back he made me have a meal out but I got up this morning and had toast because I felt dizzy again. My cousins coming through tomorrow he's up visiting which means I have to go out again but local that's a problem as I don't go to town if I can help it.