Getting the most from counselling

[MyYearYeah]

Have bitten the bullet and been for an initial consultation with a counsellor who combines CBT, person-centred and psychodynamic approaches. I'd like to continue, but am looking for ways in which to get the most out of it. There is nothing too traumatic to resolve, just lots of niggles that I'd like to put to bed - mainly about how I was parented, and mental traits that I have (ocd-esque and more) - I feel very petty going, as I know my problems are nothing compared to many others. But, yes, I believe counselling is the only way to knock them on the head.
So, any tips?

(namechanged regular, but I think I prefer this username, damn it!)

Remember you only get back what you give, and honesty even if it hurts to admit or see the truth it is the only way to move forward. Good luck hope it helps you to sort things out.

Sounds like you've chosen somebody with a really good background and training to help you deal with what you want to deal with.

I've been in counselling with a similarly trained chap for about 6 weeks now, like you, not dealing with anything catastrophic just trying to understand myself and my marriage more.

I personally find reading a really good way of helping me benefit the most from my sessions - I just find things on the web or on amazon that relate to my situation as it helps me dig deeper. Or biographies/autobiographies of people who have had challenging times. My favourite at the moment is 'Why be happy when you can be normal' by Jeanette Winterson.

This - "I feel very petty going, as I know my problems are nothing compared to many others".

try to do that as little as possible, try to notice the self criticism and try to believe that you are 'worth' that time and dedication - really worth it and not just in a 'L'oreal way

I also think that in general being very mindful of yourself when you're going through therapy and taking a lot of care of yourself is really important. Therapy can be hard work so being kind towards yourself outside the therapy room is really important.

so examples could include: not watching the news as it's easy to let outside trauma in when your already analysing or highly emotional, watching 'nice' films and reading life affirming books etc.

I'm wittering now so I will stop - good luck with it

Ooh - slight hijack here. You sound just like me, except I haven't ever bitten the bullet, as I haven't had a trigger to really make me go.

Can I ask what made you finally bite the bullet, and how you found your counsellor, too?

I see a counsellor very similar to the one you've mentioned (are you in Birmingham?!). Mine is private, so a really important part of getting the most out of it is to remember that I am paying for it, and so it doesn't matter what issues I am going to talk about, as it is my choice to go, and for as long as I want to/need to.

If they set you homework, do it. Like, really do it.

Take a notebook to write the homework down in. I was so strung out and exhausted by me CBT sessions (in a good way) and had cried so much that when he gave me my hw every week I always forgot it if it wasn't written down. He started emailing it to me after a while.

If you are having trouble doing it, or can't see the point in some of the stuff, don't let that get away from you. Bring it up in the next session.

If the therapist advises a self help book, do give it a look. At least borrow it from the library before buying to see if you get on with it. The one my therapist recommended I did't buy til a month or so after finishing therapy and I think it would have helped to read it during treatment, not after.

Can anyone point me in the direction of finding a counsellor?....Iam in the north west. I really have no idea. The one the opening poster has sounds very good.

Wow, thanks. So much great advice here. Very much appreciated.

jendifa No, not in birmingham .
longtallsally Decided to go as just had enough of lots of minor niggles getting to me. Realised they're not going to just disappear without help. sallyanne I found the counsellor just by googling, and then going on gut instinct + a free trial consultation. Am in East Mids, so too far for you, I'd imagine.

Start with the BACP register for people in your area - www.bacp.co.uk/ - and do some looking at the different qualifications people hold with the help of Wikipedia so you find an approach which seems to suit you.

If possible try to arrange to have half an hour to yourself after the session to reflect on what came out and what made the biggest impact on you. Keep a notebook with you at all times, including by your bed at night - thoughts about what I wanted to raise next time, or connections between past events that had never occurred to me before, could keep me awake half the night unless I knew they were safely written down.

Remember that the point of counseling isn't for you to spill your guts and then the counselor telling you what to do/think. The idea is for the counselor to help you learn some techniques for re-evaluating how you see yourself. Fundamentally, the counselor is there to help guide you to forming your own answers.

I found it hard work, and draining, but hugely rewarding. I'm very glad I did it.