Hey Memoo, I'm afraid I don't know you, or the situation you're in.
I've come close myself - to the extent of planning it all out, and spending an hour on the bridge itself - just thinking about what out was I wanted to do. I thought I wanted to die, but more than anything I just wanted a way out - I wanted to escape. I also wanted those previous seconds of freedom before the inevitable hit.
I was convinced that my husband and children would be better off without me, and although in the short term there'd be some grieving, long term things would be far better with me out of the picture.
I then thought about a different, less permanent way of doing it - writing a suicide note, then just disappearing. That way if I changed my mind, I wouldn't be dead. I don't know what it was about that scenario, but it hit me just how hard suicide would be for my family. I imagined my husband trying to explain the situation to my children, and knew that they'd never accept it without blaming themselves, and I didn't want that. I thought of the first Christmas with me not there. I thought of the stigma they'd have growing up, that not even their mother loved them enough to stick around - regardless of the intentions, that's how it would be taken.
It was imagining watching my kids growing up from afar, but not being able to join in that really upset me. That moment for me was an epiphany, and I realised that almost anything else I did would hurt my children and the people I love less than suicide.
It doesn't stop me wanting to kill myself, but I know deep down, it's not what I want to do to those around me.
I have a safety net now that if I want to kill myself, I'll get on a train and disappear for a few days. If I still want to kill myself after that, then so be it.
That's just my 2p.