Dh's anxiety starting to worry me.

[puddinghead]

DH has a history with anxiety, having had first major 'episode' 12 yrs ago when was off work 2 months and has been on ads ever since. Since I've known him (7/8 yrs) he has had a couple of minor 'episodes' (not requiring time off) and a worse one after ds2 was born (4.5 yrs ago just before Christmas).
It's now been 6 weeks since he started feeling bad this 'episode'. He gets very bad anxiety, can't eat, throws up, sweats, very tearful. Might have been triggered by his trying to cut down ads (Fluoxetine) over the summer? Anyway he upped them by himself and got suicidal resulting in us spending a day in A&E....
Anyway, he seemed to be getting better, having more good days, interspersed with bad ones but has now has a couple of bad days on the trot again. He changed to Citalopram a few days ago - could this be causing more dips?

Anyway I try to be patient and as supportive as I can but sometimes feel at a loss as to what to say/do. Should I carry on being like this or does it help to be 'firmer' with him IYSWIM? He is trying to get out and do the self help stuff he's meant to but on a bad day, everything just seems so black to him.

Definitely when you switch ADs, the anxiety can increase. I noticed this a lot when I switched to Citalopram as well, it was bad for about 2 weeks and then helped.

I don't know about firmer. I mean, you know your husband. When I am having a bad day, I just want gentleness and kindness. I don't want someone booting me up the arse and making me, I don't know, socialise or go to the gym. I can deal with easy things: going for a walk, watching a film, even cleaning the house can take my mind off things.

I don't think you need to say anything in particular, in fact most things people say are a bit pointless and don't help that much. It's better to just be there and listen (but look after your own mental health too).

Thanks Yellow, I thought it might be the switch causing that, so hopefully another two weeks things will settle. Yes, I think he finds my just being there for hugs and kindness hugely helpful. Luckily I'm a positive kind of person and can see the light at the end....

Has your DH been trying to cut down his meds without medical supervision and then upping them by himself. If so this isn't a good idea because decreases need to be very gradual. I am wondering why he decreased them - is that because he was feeling better. Is there a reason he has been changed to citalopram (although this seems to be the drug of choice these days) not meaning anything critical of course.

I am no medic but have suffered 2 major episodes of depression/anxiety (3 months in hospital each time) 2nd one last year I am sure was caused by reducing my meds even though I did it very very gradually and with medical oversight and I was fine for 4 months after I had finished taking them (had been on them for 15 years) and then another major episode descended, although I had had some very anxiety provoking things in those months, physical illness, worry of grand child etc. I am now back on my original AD that kept me ok for 15 years! It is an old fashioned tryclic not an SSRI like citalopram. Many people on these threads talk very positively about citalopram.

You say your DH has anxiety and I'm sure he does, but he does also sound depressed, and the two go hand in hand mostly. I hope the new ADs start to work soon. However dips or blips as I call them are very common in depression and anxiety. I have been having blips for the past 18 months and I can go for weeks being fine and then out of the blue comes the blip and can last for several days, or get better one day and down again the next. I'm afraid it is the nature of the beast. It may be of course that the citalopram levels things out for him and I do hope so.

Couldn't agree more with yellowraincoat about being gentle and kind to your DH when he is having a very bad day. The thing is that (for me anyway) it isn't so much as feeling sad, it is more an absence of any emotion - totally flat and empty, and I have prolonged bouts of crying. Very fortunately for me I have a very supportive and understanding DP and on my bad days I cry on his shoulder literally and just want him to hold me so that I feel a bit more safe.

I think there is a marked tendency to want to stay under the duvet on really bad days, and maybe if this is the case with your DH, a gentle talk about gettingup and having a shower etc as this usually helps a little, as does gentle exercise.

You sound like a very thoughtful person, so please continue to be kind and gentle to your DH because depression and anxiety is a truly horrible illness and it can only be understood by those who have experienced it.

Thanks NN, I appreciate your insights, like you say, it's difficult to understand what he's going through sometimes and I feel rotten for getting frustrated with him sometimes and thinking 'come on get a grip' when I know that's the most unhelpful thing to say!
I was thinking also that he seems more depressed alongside the anxiety this time as compared to last ...
He said he'd cut down from one a day to every other day over the summer as he was feeling much better...obviously not a good idea and he did it off his own bat.
Here's hoping he'll level out soon...