Are there any others out there who never realised they probably had PND?

[maxpower]

Hi. I have 2 DCs. DD was born by emcs in 2006. It was a very traumatic delivery. DS was born in 2010 by vbac. While I was pg with DS, I had to see a specialist mw as I was hoping for a vabc. Talking things thorugh with her was incredibly helpful as she validated the fact that I'd been through a birth trauma with DD and the subsequent successful vbac put a lot of ghosts to rest for me.

However, having had a wonderful year off on mat leave with DS (I'm due back at work next month) I can now see that I was really unhappy and not right after DD was born. The only way I could cope with the birth experience was to lock it away and almost pretend it never happened. I was quite successful at that until I fell pg with DS when I spent the first few months sobbing every time I was left alone.

I was desperate to go back to work and couldn't understand anyone who wanted to stay at home with their children. DH used to work quite long days and none of my other friends/family had children so I was very isolated. I would count the minutes until he was home and lost it once or twice with him because I was so jealous that he had a life outside of being a parent. I went to a baby group but shut myself off from other mums there (which isn't like me).

Having had DS, I feel totally different this time round. I've loved spending time with him, it doesn't feel like a chore. I sort of feel I was cheated because no-one (including me) recognised that something wasn't right.

I understand how you feel and had a similar experience with DS2 compared to DS1. I was very good at hiding the ineptitude, isolation and disconnection from my baby I felt so I don't think I can blame anyone for how things went. I think if I'd used MN at the time it would have gone better!

By chance I saw the head of midwifery for the PCT when I got booked in for DS2 (she did a few clinics here and there to keep her hand in.) She identified the problem and I had special MW care through the second pregnancy.

Have you had any other issues within MH that have concerned you? Mine is generally pretty poor and I have received treatment for anxiety since then.

Also, if this feeling of being 'cheated' is preventing you from taking enjoyment in your children or life in general now, or causing you a significant amount of distress or anxiety in any way it's worth speaking to someone about - your GP would be a good starting point.

Thanks for your reply Betsy. I haven't had any other MH issues either before or after this and thankfully, it's not presenting any problem in enjoying my DCs now. It's more my reflection on the first year with DD that just leaves me feeling sad when I think about it.