Just been diagnosed with PND..... all falling apart.

[backintraining]

Hi,

I know there is a PND board in 'becoming a parent' but there seems to be a bit more going off on here, I dunno, a bit more support?? Maybe I'm not wording that correctly.

Anyway, basically I have just been diagnosed with PND and I feel like I'm going completely mad. DD is 17 weeks old. I have a DS who is 3, I never had PND after having him, this is all new to me.

I think I expected too much with DD. DS was 7weeks prem and spent a month in SCBU, couldn't breastfeed etc so when I went full term with DD I obviously got it in my head I would "get it right this time". How wrong. I was induced but ended up with an EMCS, again failed to breastfeed, I literally had no milk. We were then in and out of hospital with DD because she just didn't want to feed etc. Then she got bronchiolitus and we were back in hospital...... then it was Christmas.

It seems that after all that has passed and I had just got on with it, everything seems to have calmed down, DD is feeding better, gaining weight etc and it's as though a pressure cooker inside me exploded. I hadn't slept right from about the night before New Years Eve, my mind was racing. DD isn't bad at all. She is fed at bedtime at 7.30ish, then has a dreamfeed at 10.30/11ish and then from being a few weeks old has only ever woken for one feed (some nights at 3am, some at 5am........ really REALLY ready for her to decide to drop this though, if she feeds in the night she isn't as bothered about her morning bottle which is another worry for me, I did post on MN about this but was advised go with the flow. I always worry she isn't taking enough millk....... anyway, I'm rambling).

It all came to a head this weekend, I hadn't slept since waking at 5am on Thursday morning and I was pretty much on the edge. I don't know why I couldn't sleep, my mind was 100mph while everyone around me slept peacefully. I ended up in a heap on the kitchen floor on Saturday morning and my sister literally dragged me to out of hours doctor. He said it was PND and prescribed some mild sleep inducers to get me through the weekend and said I was to see GP this morning.

I have been and GP was pretty good. He said he didn't want me to go on anti-depressants straightaway, instead he wanted to see how I got on with a bit more sleep, I have been referred to counselling service and he wants me back next week.

I don't really know why I'm posting, and I'm so sorry I am rambling. I've never felt so worthless and confused in my whole life. I feel such a failure as a mother, I'm just snapping at DS...... and DH........ all the time. The GP asked me how I felt when I woke up this morning. I said: "Oh God, I've woken up." That's not good is it????

I have a great support network but I think because this is so unlike me to feel like this nobody really knows what to say. I feel like DH is angry with me, although I know he isn't. I hate feeling like this. I am so ashamed....... which again, I know is so irrational.

Sorry for rambling.

Wow, you really need to sleep. Ask you DH to do the night feeds for a week and you don't get up under any circumstances. Even if you are awake.
Can you and the DCs go to a friend's or your sisters during the day? Loneliness often used to make me feel really low.
How has your gp suggested you get mire sleep?

Oh, and you're NOT worthless and all those other negative words.
You have an illness and with the right treatment and help you will get better

Oh poor you. My story with DS3 was very similar, I stopped sleeping and was diagnosed with PND. I initially took some sleeping pills, but eventually got myself better with herbal tablets, hypnotherapy, CBT, and a group therapy run by our local health visitors which was BRILLIANT. You need more help at night, you need the chance to get your sleep pattern back and to relax, and I suggest either joining the thread about PND here, support I got from MN was completely brilliant. I thought all the same things as you are thinking but it really isn't true, not even slightly. Talk to people, you will be ok xxx

Hi, thanks for your replies. I've been given mild sleeping pills which helped Saturday and last night but I know I can't just rely on them. I will join the PND thread on this board, not that I'm glad to hear others are suffering but it is comforting to know I am not on my own.

DH has been great and has been doing all he can to help. I am lucky that I have a lot of friends with young children/babies and we get out of the hpuse most days. I'm just conscious of not wanting to bring their mood down though. It's a truly horrible feeling. I am glad GP has suggested counselling initially rather than anti-d's.

Becky... Out of interest, what herbal stuff did you take?

It was just Boots own herbal sleeping tablets. I was first prescribed anti-depressants and they made me feel really ill so after just two days of trying them the GP gave me some zopiclone (sleeping tablets) and diazepam (valium). I took the zopiclone for a couple of weeks, which worked because they knock you out, then diazepam at night for two days as I didn't want to get addicted to sleeping tablets, then I went to herbal tablets for two weeks. They worked very well but I didn't want to take pills so I tried hypnotherapy on my ipod and this worked wonders, I still use it every so often when I can't sleep. I also drink camomile tea at night still, as it really relaxes me. I'd say all in all it took about 3-4 months before my anxiety and sleep issues got better.