Booked an appointment with a psychologist

[itsconfusing]

Feeling a bit nervous about it really. But for weeks I can be struggling. Feeling very low, not able to do much, sad, racing thoughts, bad mood swings, short temper, vile to dh. But then I'm fine, happy - very very happy even, excitable, big plans, plans for big careers, big holidays, big spending (even though we are skint). Etc etc. on reflection I think I've been like this since about aged 14. But at that age I was very depressed, suicidal at times. No one knows/knew.

My past keeps haunting me in recent weeks, hence me booking an appointment when I was feeling very low last week. Things that have happened/I idid that i blocked and haven't thought about. Why are they rearing their ugly heads now? I want to be honest and try and tackle my demons, or at least find out if there is something wrong with me. I have my beautiful dc now and I want them to grow up in a healthy environment.

I can feel so low and down on myself one part of the day, then happy, excited about life the next. Can that be normal? I feel like I'm going to lose control at times, then hours later feel that I can take on the world. Can tiredness make you feel like this, so up and down?

Too embarrassed to go to my gp, so I've booked privately. Just hope it doesn't make things worse. Maybe I shouldn't be opening my secret box.

I think keeping your "secret box" to yourself for such a long time when it feels so full of such difficult things and feelings would probably be more harmful. You sound very brave and your motivations for yourself and your children very healthy. Sometimes in the process of getting help and finding out what is wrong you also find out what is "very right" with you too. If you feel you needed to bypass the GP in the first instance of course that is okay. You can tell them later if you need to. Hope it goes really well for you.

Thank you. I've started another thread begining my journey with my deepest secret that I hadn't thought about for along time, but had kept 'hidden'. I figured I may as well start with the scariest then it can only get easier hey?! I'm hoping the cause of my problems is that I haven't dealt with anything and it's just taken its toll now.

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. How awful to have suffered for so long and not been able to talk to people around you. Thank goodness you feel you can start to talk now. You are managing to keep your children's needs in your mind at a time that is very difficult for you, and that says a great deal about you.

There are so many things that can cause you to have the mood swings you describe. If you have been 'sitting on' dark thoughts and feelings for a long time that could certainly cause you to struggle at times and feel overwhelmed, even without you realising the trigger. If you grew up in an environment where people around you didn't cope well with life's ups and downs, you might not have learned the coping skills you need to navigate your own thoughts, feelings and circumstances. There are even some clinical syndromes that could cause your mood swings, which might even need some medication to help balance things out. In your first session, your psychologist will be interested in hearing you tell your story first and foremost, finding out from you what you want to achieve and making a plan for how to work together. Nothing frightening. You might even find it therapeutic just saying out loud what has happened to bring you to this point.

I looked for the other thread you mentioned but couldn't find it. Where did you post? I'd like to read it.

By the way, don't feel that you are unusual in the extremes of emotions and thoughts you have. So many people suffer like this and feel unable to talk about it. It is a great shame that we are not better as a society in talking about mental health issues.

Just popping in quickly, my other thread is in Off The Beaten Track. Will be back later. Thank you for the response fluppy

Thank you for your post floppy, I found it very reassuring. My family are not good with dealing with emotions, you have to just get on with it and be grateful for what you have! I fear I have a lot to learn and a long journey ahead of me, thankfully my dc are still babies, so hope my low mood/lack of motivation at this time doesn't effect them too much.

HOw do you motivate yourself to get up/dressed/washed and take your dc out when you have no desire to in anyway? It's so hard.

When I've motivated enough to move my finger I put on lively music or blast a bit of a kick-my-arse out of bed self help track which i have right by my bed.

Thanks Fiona, what self help tracks to you use?

man--too embarrassing to put down here!! I have an irrational embarrassment about my self help collection!! I'll PM you.

Started freaking out this morning about dcs going to pil whilst I had session with psychologist. I was imagining alsorts such as dd choking on one of their many ornaments, the dog attacking them and ds2 having a severe allergic reaction to a peanut hanging around Honestly I was going out of my mind with worry/panic/crying (fwiw there's NO reason to think they should come to any harm with pil )

I phoned dh in a state of panic. For the first time ever he left work. Came home and stayed with the dc so I could go to appointment. So by the time I was with psychologist I was pretty exhausted.

She spoke to me nicely and that was it, tears galore - the poor woman! So we skipped the 'assessment' part and we talked for an hour. I have so much to say, we didn't even get started really, yet we covered so much. I feel very sad about my upbringing. I was a very sad teenager with lots of things missing which I suppose are hugely important skills for life. It seems in the words of the dr that no child could have been 'happy' growing up in the environment I did, so that's something...I can't be all bad.

It was quite enlightening sitting there telling someone things and having someone with knowledge explain the why's etc. She was really good and I felt very at ease with her. I'm so pleased I found the strength to go through with this. Seeing her again next week.

I feel quite peaceful tonight. I think all the talking I've done on here, the reading, then talking to the dr today has helped massively already. But I know it's a long journey and will have it's ups and downs. But it's about surviving and getting stronger hey?! I will give my dc a home healthy in mind and body to grow up in

Thanks for the info fiona

I'm so pleased to hear the session went well. It sounds like you feel she is a good match for you, which is so important. Don't worry at all if you cry/shout/whatever in your sessions. Actually, it is a safe place for you to do just that, as you don't have to think at all about how your emotions and behaviour might affect the people around you. It is her job, and she will have seen it all before! Best of luck with everything.