Please tell me there is hope.

[DontCryWithYourMouthFull]

I have been depressed for 6 years, I have bad pmt every month on the top of the normal depression. I'm on 40 mg of ciatalopram and on the pill (to help with the pmt). Few months ago, I used to be a very heavy drinker but I'm now tee total, I dont smoke either. I have increased my exercise, I eat better so please can someone explain to me why I feel suicidal, why I hate myself so much, why can't I lose weight, why am I crying everyday, why am I insomniac ?
I had my blood tested today, what if it is something really bad ? Or what if there is nothing and I have to contemplate the rest of my life like this ? I'm on waiting list for therapy. I try to do everything I can to be better, all I want is to be normal, able to cope, even some happiness.

And vit d defiency can bugger you sideways. Have they prescribed you supplements or injections? And I second Scott, whenever I've had blood tests done, I go through them with a fine tooth comb and read up on normal ranges and stuff. Your gp should print them off without quibbling.