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Mental health

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Original poster

Life is a story of loss and sorrow on the way to inevitable decline and death, once you leave childhood behind

20 replies

OrmIrian · 03/01/2012 18:38

I know this isn't the whole picture. I know there is more to it than that. How do I make myself feel it too?

God I hate hate hate this time of year. Christmas is special because time stands still for a short while, traditions take me back to the past when I still thought life was safe and happy, everyone I love is with me and there are briefly no problems. NY is like a bucket of cold water, and the clock starts again.

How do I prevent this mood fro communicating itself to my children? I am so raw atm.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 03/01/2012 18:48

Hello OrmIrian. When I was young (about ten years old) I used to lie in bed thinking of all the things that were to come and to look forward to. Meeting future DH. Getting married and having children.

I have done both now, and I don't know what I should lie in bed thinking of.

Agree NY is like the merry go round has started up again.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 03/01/2012 18:59

I think my kids getting older - DS1 is 15 tomorrow - and my parent's dramatic decline in the last few years, has made me very conscious of time passing. I no longer have parents who could 'look after me' if i needed it, and I no longer have little children.

I would like time to stop for a little while - let me catch up.

NY isn't a new page or a clean slate - it's the first sight of the bloody great hill I have to climb again.

OP posts:

BeckyBendyLegs · 03/01/2012 19:00

I hate this time of year too. I love Christmas, and I love the bit between Christmas and New Year when we're all at home, but I hate New Year's Eve and I hate January so I feel your pain. It is hard not to be down at this time of year and it's hard not to bring other people down too, esp family. I don't have any advice really, just that this time will pass and before you know it it'll be spring and the sun will start shining again, and it won't be so cold and dark, the days will get longer.

Sparklingbrook · 03/01/2012 19:03

I understand the parents thing. I have pre-teens and sometimes wonder what the next few years may hold in terms of juggling grumpy teenagers and elderly parents.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 03/01/2012 19:05

Thanks Becky - I know I will be a bit better come Feb. My birthday is at the start of February. Thing I always used to love the winter - now I realise it isn't winter I loved, it was Autumn and the run up to christmas. The rest is more or less horrible. I think I could love it if I was allowed to semi-hibernate, just go out for long muddy walks, and sleep a lot. Working, rush-hour, waking up in the dark, getting home in the dark is dreadful

OP posts:

Original poster

OrmIrian · 03/01/2012 19:06

"sometimes wonder what the next few years may hold in terms of juggling grumpy teenagers and elderly parents"

Want me to tell you?

Actually my teens are not grumpy (well, I only have one officially as yet). But there's still time....

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 03/01/2012 19:08

My pre-teens are v grumpy. Perhaps they are getting it over with early for me so I can see to my parents.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 04/01/2012 10:29

Took out the tree this morning and found some christmas tree decs that had been dropped in a puddle. They were little Japanese chiffon and wire angels with gold plastic intruments from the 1950s that I remember from being a child - faded and battered but full of memories. Until a few years ago DD used to make sure they were all put on the same branch so they could play together.

Had a good weep. I think DH beleives I am losing my mind atm.

OP posts:

boglach · 04/01/2012 17:13

This time of year is so hard. be kind to yourself

orangeflutie · 04/01/2012 19:52

Hi I feel for you as January is such a bleak month. I usually feel very low this time of year. This year I feel quite numb, probably due to the ADs. I think on balance I prefer being numb, slightly cushioned. Otherwise I feel overwhelmed by emotions.

Hope you feel better soon x

motherinferior · 04/01/2012 19:54

Oh Orm, I know rather how you feel . I am going to be 49 in June and have achieved really very little with my life and am a sad fat self-pitying grumbly person.

On the other hand, I suppose we should seize the day while the day still remains to us?

Original poster

OrmIrian · 05/01/2012 12:25

thanks for all your sympathy. I feel a bit of a fraud as I was brought up to be a brisk, pull-your-socks-up type. But every year it gets worse.

Hi MI - "On the other hand, I suppose we should seize the day while the day still remains to us?" Yes, we should. Problem is I have what I think might be the start of arthritis in one hand so I am a bit cautious about 'seizing' anything too vigorously i am such an old wreck. DH and I had a day off together yesterday so we took the dog for a walk - there was a time when we'd have found something more dynamic to do together - and both of us were limping along with various aches and pains. I slipped over and jarred my lower back and pulled a calf muscle. DH slipped over and hurt his hamstring again. I just stood there and laughed hystericall - not because he hurt himself, just that we have turned into such old crocks all of a sudden. When did that happen?

I haven't done much with my life either, if it's any comfort - when I had my babies I felt for a while as if that was enough of an acheivement. Now I've realised that they are their own 'acheivement' not mine. I have to find my own goals again. Scary.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 05/01/2012 13:49

I have no goals OrmIrian. It bothers me, I don't think too far ahead though as you just never know what's coming along.

WowOoo · 05/01/2012 14:03

Sorry to hear you're feeling achey. But at least you can laugh at yourselves. Know it's not that funny having arthritis. Mine is so mild I feel I can't actually complain about it, but it's always there and sometimes does gets painful.

About cheering yourself up..
What about travel destinations and plans?

When I'm feeling down or can't sleep I think about all the places I've been to and loved. Then, all the other wonderful places that I'm going to visit. (No reality of never perhaps not getting there of course!)

We don't have parents or in laws. it seems sick of me to say that I don't have to deal with it as they all died prematurely and I'm lucky in some respects. I can understand it is tough.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 05/01/2012 14:05

wowoo - I'd love to plan my travels but short of a lottery win i don't think we'll be managing much of that any time soon. DS1 is due to go the US on a school trip to Space Camp next year, and DD will probably do the same 2 years later. So that's where all our spare cash is going Can't afford to take all 5 of us abroad atm - much to DD's disgust.

OP posts:

WowOoo · 05/01/2012 14:13

My latest fantasy is driving around Northern Spain. Alone. It is not going to happen

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 05/01/2012 14:17

This is a horrid time of year isn't it?

Your post about aches and pains and turning into a pair of old crocks really hit home with me. I hurt my back NYE and dh has a bad neck normally I get through this time of year unscathed but this year a gloom has hit me like a ton of bricks.

I'm a runner and getting out really helps but ever since a chest infection before Christmas I feel I've been going backwards which is a horrid feeling.

Booking a holiday or planning a trip, even just a day out is a good idea. Doesn't have to be expensive or abroad. We have booked a week to stay in Anglesey This summer followed by a week overlooking the Llangollen canal. I am ridiculously excited about it and it has cheered me no end.

Also it is important to get out and make the most of the day light we have. The weather is crap at the moment and I have to say I enjoyed very little of my run on the Downs with mud and hurricane strong winds today but I know I would feel worse if I hadn't got out.

Spring will be here soon too I was telling ds1 yesterday that the first snow drops are normally about in February, then it's all down hill to spring

WowOoo · 05/01/2012 14:22

Doyouthink, I too will be in Anglesey in the summer. Loads of beautiful running spots there.

AngryFeet · 05/01/2012 14:24

Have you ever read this. It really helped me focus on what is important and what things I want to have to look forward to in my life. So although I am married and have kids I am still looking forward to watching them grow into adults, seeing them fall in love, spending time with my friends and family, retirement and travelling with DH etc etc.

Try not to look at it so negatively, who is to say the best isn't still to come? Life is what you make of it after all :)

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 05/01/2012 14:34

That's the plan WowOoo, we will be on the coast so hopefully i will get some runs in along the Coastal path. I love Wales

Orm don't dismiss your achievement in bringing up well adjusted children. Being a mum is by far the biggest challenge I have ever undertaken and I intend to take full credit if when they become highly successful individuals

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