I'm in a self destructive spiral.
I cannot get my head around my ex, the way he behaves, and I've ended up replaying a whole load of past stuff in my head and I can't stop thinking about it and I'm in tears if I relax my guard at all.
There's a massive history with me and my ex in-laws. They hate me, treated me terribly when we were married, he defended them (they were sneaky and sly and it was sly digs and comments when he wasn't around I was portrayed as a headcase, and a nutter and yes those were the words they used if I pulled them up on it)
My ex is a twat and puts his views and opinions over and above mine, always has, he viewed himself as the "senior partner" and me as the "junior partner" in the marriage.
So, Sunday night I had to drop the kids off after their week with me of the holidays - they are off til Thursday so he asked for them yesterday and I will have them today (he was off yesterday as Bank Holiday).
I did the usual handover at the door.
He asked me to step inside a minute and walked me to the living room where members of his family who I hate with a passion were sitting and said "Here's TotallyScunnered"
I felt so so awkward, said "hello" they turned their backs, snorted, and pointedly ignored me.
To be fair to ex, he had told them he was going to ask me in. He wants everyone to play nice and kid on we're all mates.
I am gutted. I'm struggling to come to terms with it. It's put me back where I was when we were together. I feel like i'm going to have a panic attack I'm playing over in my head every time they ever did it to me before and I want to do them an injury. Real physical pain.
To be fair, the ex is mortified and has apologised a million times and for once they did it in front of him and he sees it. now. After 20 fucking yeards. Why couldn't he see it before.
He says I have to accept he did it with the best of intentions and he didn't mean it maliciously or to hurt me.
I've told him that I don't give a fiddlers fart if he did it maliciously or not, what matters is the end result and how it makes me feel . And to put me in that position with no warning and not being sure of how they would react and the reception I would get is wrong. Just wrong.
I might to post in Relationships as well? What do you think? - I'm not even sure where this belongs and I'm sorry its so long