hi all, i have name changed for this.
I found out last night that my Mum is leaving my Dad, he is severely depressed and he wont be helped, he gets nasty and wont talk.
He has always been like that, nasty not depressed, his answer to everything is to say nasty things or lash out. He is an excellent actor and a well known public figure in our area so people would be very shocked to learn this is how he is.
I remember him always acting this way when we were growing up, he can be abusive (verbally, and physically to my DB never witnessed it to my DM but sort of wouldnt be shocked) :(
I am painting him out to be awful I know, but he is my Dad and i love him dearly, I was, admittedly Daddys little girl and he will always help me out when i ask, but since speaking to my DM last nig it has made me question my whole relationship with him.
I am the peacekeeper, as is my mum we basically spend our life treading on eggshells around him to stop him flying off the handle, its not something i do conciously, i just realised thats what i do.
He lost his Mother about 8 years ago, he was very close to her, his Dad leftwhen he was very young and his only brother was killed in an accident as a teenager. I have realised that the process of slipping into this horrible depression started then. He does little more than sit in the chair watching crap tv, he loves his 5 gc's (3 mine and 2 brothers) dearly but he shows no interest in going anywhere with the and my Mum he only sees them if they come to his chair, they can be in the same house and not see him as he doesnt get out of his chair.
He is 63, so not that old, and has written himself off totally, he knows my Mum has had enough of him, even before the depression and she has been the peacekeeper and stayed with him to avoid confrontation and upset. I understand why she wants to leave and fully support her, i know what he is like.
But... How can i help him? How can i make him see he is ill and get help, i dont want him to deteriorate in that chair, they will have to sell the house and go their seperate ways and he will be useless, my Mum runs about after him, and he has piled on loads of weight because he just eats.
I am a big girl and can ce with him being nasty to me if i speak to him and try and convince him he needs help, but how do i start, what the hell do i say?
Gd this is long, it feels a little better to get it all down on a screen!
Also... May be irrational but you hear of it all too often, he has a gun licence and a shotgun in the house, that's my biggest fear...