Feeling very isolated just now. Can hear neighbours partying, one DS upstairs watching a video with a mate and other DS on a laptop. Another DC has gone AWOL - long, sad story.
DH on a late shift. Cats for company, which I do appreciate.
The DS on the laptop - now 16, has become, over the months, distant, critical, often cold and snappy with me. Has his problems which we are trying to deal with but I seem to be the person he lashes out at most. Oldest sibling (the AWOL one) has caused him immense hurt - I think much of his behaviour is a reaction to that. However, I feel so lonely. DS this evening has made it clear he doesn't want to see me - I guess midnight will come and go. I love my DCs so much that the apparent indifference hurts more than I can say.
No other close family, some friends in these parts but not many. Work p-t so colleagues, although very nice, not close to.
Wonder sometimes if I shouldn't take off for a few days, book a cheap hotel. I really feel that I am not wanted at home. DH loving but weak - will not support me when DS rude and abrupt. DS who is with his mate is now at Uni and catching up with friends - we used to be very close and I can understand that he's spreading his wings.
I don't suffocate my kids, far from it, but I do expect some kind words and some semblance, at least, of some respect and affection towards me.
Low, low, low - and the noise from next door is increasing. Normally, wouldn't mind - lovely neighbours but it does add to a very real sense of loneliness.
I hope 2012 brings good things to all of us. xx