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New Year's Eve blues

5 replies

IssyPeach · 31/12/2011 21:04

Feeling very isolated just now. Can hear neighbours partying, one DS upstairs watching a video with a mate and other DS on a laptop. Another DC has gone AWOL - long, sad story.

DH on a late shift. Cats for company, which I do appreciate.

The DS on the laptop - now 16, has become, over the months, distant, critical, often cold and snappy with me. Has his problems which we are trying to deal with but I seem to be the person he lashes out at most. Oldest sibling (the AWOL one) has caused him immense hurt - I think much of his behaviour is a reaction to that. However, I feel so lonely. DS this evening has made it clear he doesn't want to see me - I guess midnight will come and go. I love my DCs so much that the apparent indifference hurts more than I can say.

No other close family, some friends in these parts but not many. Work p-t so colleagues, although very nice, not close to.

Wonder sometimes if I shouldn't take off for a few days, book a cheap hotel. I really feel that I am not wanted at home. DH loving but weak - will not support me when DS rude and abrupt. DS who is with his mate is now at Uni and catching up with friends - we used to be very close and I can understand that he's spreading his wings.

I don't suffocate my kids, far from it, but I do expect some kind words and some semblance, at least, of some respect and affection towards me.

Low, low, low - and the noise from next door is increasing. Normally, wouldn't mind - lovely neighbours but it does add to a very real sense of loneliness.

I hope 2012 brings good things to all of us. xx

OP posts:
Haziedoll · 31/12/2011 21:19

Do you ever tell your children how you feel? When I was a teenager I was a nightmare to my mum and never took her feelings into consideration, if she had told me I was hurting her feelings I think it might have made a difference.

Ds1 is only 7 and I know it is very different parenting a teenager but when he is hurtful towards me I make a point of telling him how his words have hurt me. It seems to work because he makes an effort and is very quick to let me know when I have caused offense! But as I said I know that teenagers are not as black and white.

IssyPeach · 31/12/2011 22:22

Hi - thanks for reply. yes, I have spoken with my DCs. Without going on too much/making a fool of myself. Noise from next door very loud now - would normally be delighted for them. Tonight, so low, though. Middle DS and his mate have gone out for a while, DS on laptop no intention of speaking to me though I did suggest a chat/a walk/watching a film/whatever.

Seems a bleak way to end 2011 - used to be pally and fun in our house - not now. Sitting here wondering if younger DC in particular would like me gone - I do worry about him (obsessively on computer - not enough school work - rarely goes out) and he'd probably like me off his case. DH also worries but far less likely to say anything and certainly not to back me when DS being particularly unpleasant.

OP posts:
superfrenchie1 · 31/12/2011 23:31

Issy, poor you, it's awful when you're in and lonely and can hear party noises from elsewhere, and I wish your DS on the laptop would come and give you a hug or at least a shrug and a "happy new year mum"...

i am home alone tonight, lonelier than i can ever admit. Conscious that nearly everyone i know is out or at a party tonight. my kids are not with me so its just me in the flat and seems like everything is wrong and it's pretty bloody depressing.

you can definitely change things at home and with your dcs - new years resolution maybe?? and try to get your DH to be supportive?

good luck with it all x

IssyPeach · 31/12/2011 23:45

Oh, frenchie - thank you for your wise and kind words. Yes, resolutions, a very good idea. Will set to.

I hope things brighten for you, too. I hope 2012 brings good things for you.

I guess lots and lots of people are alone tonight (must be) but all the hype around New Year tends to accentuate the loneliness, doesn't it? Still, will be over very soon and then into a new year. Back to business.

Off to bed before the wall's burst! Will say good night to DCs (and friend) - and wish them HNY - may not be returned!

Thanks again xx

OP posts:
FlossingMyCat · 01/01/2012 00:02

Just wanted to echo what haziedoll said. My mum and i had a nightmare relationship but my mother was always too proud to talk about her feelings. She still is. If you're honest about how you feel with your dcs, it will pay off in time, I'm sure of it. There is no reason it shouldn't work, although it will probably take some time and greater maturity on their part for the things you say to take on meaning.

Hey, i'm a bit caned, so I hope I'm making sense!!

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