Madmouse's Christmas Refuge - If Christmas is hard for you come post here for support

[madmouse]

Hi guys

I'm fine myself this year. Mostly. Struggling with some bits of my past that are coming up in therapy at the moment, but all in all I'm looking forward to Christmas. But for so many of us with mental health problems or 'just' generally crap stuff going on in their lives Christmas is no fun, in fact it can be the worst day of the year.

So here is a safe space to be honest about how you feel about Christmas this year - no holds barred, to help you keep the mask on for the kids and rellies xx

Whoa easy 'Ohno' you haven't fucked up anything. Your illness may have spoilt things but you haven't fucked up anything. And I am absolutely sure that you have tried, maybe tried too hard, to be good, cheerful, happy whatever but the best cannot be beaten that way. You will come out the other side, I've had a couple of crap christmasses due to PTSD but ds is now a happy nearly 4 year old, no harm done. Your dh and in-laws are adults who can understand that you are not well.

I understand the frustration though that it had to be like this, you don't get it back - but it's not your fault.

oops that is a really silly typo - meant to write the beast cannot be beaten

Never is it only a day/part of the day that you endure MIL? It sounds frighteningly like she may be staying with you for a bit? Masses of strength and good luck for tomorrow. As Madmouse said, smiling and nodding may be able to get you a long way - doesn't mean you are agreeing, just acknowledging her.

And Madmouse, loving the idea of the "MIL bingo". Think that would be great fun to play with my il's. They are lovely really, but MIL especially can get a bit repetitive and predictable lol.

I am chuffed that I survived tea with il's and parents earlier. Now sat chilling with a drink and choc :) Hope things are getting calmer for everyone else.

Ohno, please try to be a bit kinder to yourself. I was you, abait 8 years ago with DS and it is absolutely rubbish eh? Know that feeling of having "ruined" things in one way or another, but you haven't, you're not well at the mo, and things will get better. Remember feeling like PND was neverending at the time, but it passed eventually.

And like Madmouse said, maybe try a bit less hard? I was so guilty of this, and it was just setting myself up to "fail". Take it as easy as you can tom xx

Thanks for that madmouse. It really helps to know that a nice Christmas in the future isn't out of the question. DH was in tears at one point and it's his absolute favourite day of the year :(

So my mum didn't even call me. she sent a text. i feel so pushed out by my family at the moment.

glad today is over and that i've survived.

thanks ladies, I think we need a bingo thing here for her every time she comes... will suggest it to DH.
It is Mum not MiL tis just the pattern of my life!

Sorry for all those who have also had a challenging Christmas. OhNo you will have so many more Christmases together as a family, your little one won't remember this and although you will it will help you to remember how far you have come, and how much better you are feeling. Echoing all the other ladies, be kind to yourself

I'm glad I started this thread again this year - but sad it is so well used this time round. Christmas is hyped up so badly. It all has to be perfect and we're too hard on us as it is so it's the match from hell.

I had a relaxed one, up early, ds opened his stocking and we had home made stollen for breakfast. Then church (dh is vicar and was preaching), more presents, ds's new dvd and a lovely steak dinner.

I have been more than expected been overwhelmed with childhood memories. A very traumatic childhood means I've blanked out some of the hell and also lost a lot of the good memories and they are coming back in dribs and drabs. Good, but difficult and there have been some random tears.

Thank you for your kind words :) me, DS and DH have had a normal non Christmassy snuggle in bed and that's been by far my favourite part of the day! Love to you all.

Glad its over but now have to face the 'do I want to break my mothers martyred sulk AGAIN or fuck it' decision

If you can face it 'fuck it' may not be a bad idea...

I need to go through to my brothers house to deliver his girls presents he hasn't been to see me and have found out he's been phoning my cousin to find out what he knows instead of phoning me, he lives in same town as my mum if she finds out i've been she'll be hurt. WHY DO I FEEL SO BLOODY LOYAL TO HER AT TIMES.

dotty I assume this is not the brother but another one? If so he's scared, and cowardice.

It's normal to feel loyal to your mum but that's taking it a bit far. That's not being hurt that's playing ugly martyr games, leave her.

Cristmas day is over, failed big time but it's just a day everyone says.
Today I have to do it all again except I have to face the world and to do it, my mask has to be firmly glued on, the smile has to be perfect so that no one catches a glimpse of the screw up I am.

I want to take the tree down, put all memory of christmas away but it wont make the memories go, wont change what happened, wont make me normal, will just make my kids want to know whats going on.

Thinking back the @bu$e wasn't that much worse on christmas or birthdays but its a date that doesnt go away, the rest of the year it was just normal, part of my life so why does it feel soo much worse now?

Because it so clear that the cultural norm is at least to suspend animosity for a day. And that dosn't/didn't happen in some people's case.