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Mental health

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Flip

Original poster

Feeling deflated and really stressed, getting grumpy with DS..

15 replies

fastasleep · 12/01/2006 09:45

I'm usually a perfectly chirpy person with a bit of a grumpy temper sometimes lol... but recently I just feel soooo streeessseed all the time!!

I have a 12 wk old DD and 22 month old DS... I express exclusively for my DD, like I did with DS, which is really restrictive and going anywhere is a military operation, especially on public transport! None of the buses I need even have buggy spaces so I have to carry a bag big enough to fit most of my wardrobe in (lol!), a folded pram, a wriggling toddler and then I have DD in a sling... before the break I was doing ok and going to 3 groups a week and then expressing there... but I have to do it for 40 minutes and I feel like I can't play with DS and everyone stares at me and then when DD cries and I have to prop a bottle in her mouth with a blanket everyone gives me that 'bad mum' look... it just seems such an effort to go out again now! I can't go shopping really with my stupid breastpump, we can't go out for valentines because the bus ride means that we wouldn't have time for food or anything...

I just want to cry today! I used to really enjoy being at home with DS and we would play and have fun etc etc but now I just find myself being exhausted and wanting to sleep or getting really grouchy with him and biting his head off all the time... I just want to have fun again!

Thankyou just needed to vent... argh. Had better free DS from highchair and go find that breastpump.. again!

OP posts:

Aloha · 12/01/2006 09:51

I am a huge fan of breastfeeding and think breastmilk is wonderful.....BUT....all this expressing seems incredibly restrictive to me and appears to be helping make you and your ds miserable (most importantly, YOU). This cannot be good for anyone in your family.
I am sure you have tried everything to get your dd breastfeeding directly from the breast, but maybe one last attempt and if that fails, adding at least one or two formula feeds to the mix. It isn't quite as good as breastmilk, but it is pretty good, and you've done an absolutely heroic 12 weeks of breastmilk feeding and I am amazed you have managed that. If it would upset you to do all formula feeds, you could express for a couple of feeds and mix it up.
BTW I am SURE nobody (at least nobody normal and worth bothering about) is giving you 'bad mum' looks. I suspect you are very, very sensitive atm. They are more probably looking at your lovely baby and thinking 'aaah, I remember when mine was that tiny'.

Enid · 12/01/2006 09:53

you poor thing

you have done the best thing by your dd. If I were you tbh I would give formula from now on.

biglips · 12/01/2006 09:59

FAS - oh dear.. cheer up girl! as ive never had "expressed" my milk and even though you've been doing it for 12 weeks, that is really good going. Stuff the other people who gives you a funny look as they probably be thinking "Whats she doing??" and being curious!.. i think i would be the same as ive never seen anyone expressing before!!

How come youre not BF? as i cannot remember the reason!

dexter · 12/01/2006 10:00

absolutely! Bottles from now on and no agonising about it. Your baby will thrive far more from having a happy relaxed mum. As Aloha said you have been heroic and done more than 99% of people would with the current arrangement.

Do not let the breastfeeding fascists out there make you feel bad - obviously it's best for baby but your baby WILL thrive on bottles and has already had the best start in life from you.

Make the change and start to enjoy your lovely young family xxxx

oliveoil · 12/01/2006 10:00

You have nearly the same age gap as me (I had 22 months) and I found it hideous breastfeeding dd2, really really really hard. I felt I was neglecting dd1 as it took ages to feed all the time, then I felt guilty rushing dd2 off the boob as I hadn't with dd1. Then dd2 wouldn't have bottles. It went on and on in a vicious circle of guilt.

I whooped for joy when dd2 eventually took a bottle (along with feeling guilty of course) and I felt like I had a bit of control back.

I hated going to M&T with both of them as one or the other was always whinging and I felt like I was split in two, but that did improve after a while when I swallowed my pride and asked one of the other mums to help and was INUNDATED with people wanting to hold dd2, they were all waiting impatiently to be asked!

Hang on in there.

Aloha · 12/01/2006 10:04

Gosh yes, if I only had ds I would love to have a sweet baby to cuddle!

Dexter - I really hate the term 'breastfeeding fascists' - so unecessary and extreme. The only person putting any pressure on Fastasleep is poor Fastasleep herself!

As I say, I am very pro-breastfeeding, but I also think there are times when if it doesn't work and everyone is this miserable that formula does become a better option.

oliveoil · 12/01/2006 10:10

Hideous is the wrong word, reading back. Hard is more apt I think.

Original poster

fastasleep · 12/01/2006 10:45

I don't want to get excited here but before I even read any comments (Aloha we think alike obviously!) I tried DD on my boob after a short express... and and she took it for about 10 minutes and sucked herself off to sleep!! This is the first time I've got her to latch... will she do it again?

Thankyou for your comments, I agree with you guys if she doesn't do it again formula will probably be the answer... I can't handle being so horrible and stressed, I just want to at least sit with DS while he plays at groups, rather than hiding under my blanket in the corner!

Biglips DD and DS never latched on at all.. and rather than admit defeat I plugged away at expressing like a muppet!!

Thanks again...

OP posts:

biglips · 12/01/2006 10:47

oh righto.... as i know you've been thinking of your little ones first as make sure they get the best "stuff"... but now you are feeling down, you gotta think of yourself now

Aloha · 12/01/2006 10:50

Wow fastasleep! I can see why you don't want to get too excited/count chickens etc etc, but that is very good news. There is no reason why she can't do it again either. maybe the fact that the let down was quite gentle after expressing helped? Also she is bigger and a bit more coordinated now, so you never know. And if it doesn't work, you know you've done your best to do what you wanted, and can move on.

Original poster

fastasleep · 12/01/2006 10:54

crosses fingers and omms to herself like a mad woman I'm off to scrape the muck off the big baby and splash water on the little one... maybe after her bath she'll....do it again...

OP posts:

biglips · 12/01/2006 16:19

dont give up yet!!...

saadia · 12/01/2006 16:38

fastasleep if he latches on that will be wonderful but if he doesn't I second those who suggest giving formula, even just for one or two feeds a day.

You can do mixed feeding, continue expressing if you want and keep giving hm that as well, but I can't imagine how tired you must be with looking after ds1 and ds2, expressing, sterilising all the bottles and equipment.

Give yourself a break, you need to be less stressed and your kids need you to be happy. I think you've done really well so far and am impressed that you've been out and about on buses with two such little ones

saadia · 12/01/2006 16:40

Sorry didn't read properly that little one is a girl, apologies.

mummytosteven · 12/01/2006 20:48

Sorry you're feeling down. It is a mammoth effort what you are doing with the expressing. DH got mad at me for saying so many times - OMG I'm worried it's going to be too much for her doing all that expressing and dealing with DS. Fingers crossed that DD manages the latching on better. Shopping - you can always come to mine, express, shop, express at mine, etc etc. Toddler groups - if we are at same ones I'll gladly give more help with DD. I think once you make it out the first time, you will feel a lot better.

Flip