So scared of getting pnd...

[Scaredtoday]

I am pregnant for the 3rd time. My 1st 2 pregnancies were happy events, but this time I don't want another baby. I want to go back to work, I am sick of struggling financially, I can't face coping with 3 children 4 and under. If it were not for my religious beliefs I would have an abortion, but as it is I have to see this through. I am secretly hoping this pregnancy might not work out, but I feel very guilty for these thoughts. Especially as dh does want this baby.

After ds I had pnd. I never sought help, and it lasted about 9 months. It was the worst time of my life and we ended up moving as i thought if we were out of the city and had less money worries i would be happier. I cared for the baby ok, but my relationship with ds1 really suffered - I was a terribly mum for a while. I feel like our relationship is only just recovering and now I am going to put him and ds 2 through it all again.

I am also desperatly worried about money. We will need a new car to fit 3 and it will use all our savings. We have just found woodworm in the beams in the upstairs bedrooms. There is a damp patch on the ceiling upstairs too. Builders have just finishe fitting a downstairs loo and done it badly, but I can't face sorting out the snag list. We need more money coming I but dh feels it's unfair of me to suggest he shold look for a better paid job. I work from home 7 hours per week, on top of having dc2 full time. I would love to work more and was planning to but now I am pregnant I can't.

I just feel overwhelmed and desperatly sad, and I think I'm going to have pnd again.

I'm so sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. Especially today. I just wanted you to know that I have read your post - you're not alone this morning. All sounds v stressful. I too had PND and have only just confronted this. How far gone are you?

Sending virtual hugs xx

Thank you hood. I am 8 weeks. I think it's all comeuppance because I feel so out of control. We have had to change ourchristmas plans last minute because ds2 has infectious illness, and I just feel like I have no control I anything. We were using contraception when I got pregnant, so don't even have control over that.

It's not comeuppance. Don't blame yourself and carry guilt when you have so much going on. I know at 8 weeks I was always quite hormonal and down on myself. I'm sure you just woke up early this morning (probably needing more sleep) - analysed everything around you that needs doing and it set you off. You must allow yourself rest and not worry. I know it is a tough time to have another dc but it sounds like you ate putting enormous pressure on yourself. Poor DS being poorly too - just to add to everything! You will be OK. I'm probably not being v helpful! x

morning honey.sounds like youve been through the mill recently.im sorry you are feeling so afraid right now.i had horrendous pnd with 3rd child(emergency c sect etc) and was terrified when i found out i was having a 4th.the secret is to put in place support for after the birth,whether thats from dh,family or friends,surestart centre or h.v.doesnt guareentee you will need any help but its comforting to know its in place and that you arent struggling alone.be kind to yourself during the pregnancy and beyond.this is not a comeuppance,you are very stressed(understandablly) and that makes us crave order and control in a way most of us dont in our ordinary lifes(taking things as they come and ddealing with them).i wish you well and if youre stresed of depressed come join us in the mental health thread for hand holding and bit sympathy/laugh

I don't really know how to put support in place. Ds1 will start school in sep 2012 - baby due august - so he will be out of house. Can't afford childcare for ds2. Dh will have 2 weeks off and help a lot, but then he'll be back at work. My mum is local but only has the boys once a month or so, and does not want to be tied down to regular childcare. I will be on my own with this.

But it's so far away for the time being. You can deal with that hurdle nearer the time. I havehad DC1 in nursery 2 days and I honestly think he would have bee better off with me - I'm removing him next month. You will get through this. August is miles away. And meant to say you can selftreat the woodworm - not you obviously. I hope you are ok x

I've had a similar experience too.

dc3 was unplanned and it took us 10weeks to get over the shock and get on with things. we decided we had to convince ourselves that we really wanted a 3rd child/it was a sign/a blessing/anything positive. I made a real effort to convince myself we were happy and i did enjoy the pregnancy and planning. baby is now a bit older and i've had some big downs, felt like i was having panic attacks/breakdowns (but not got that bad) so i saw a very supportive hv and gp but am a bit stuck as i can't take any medication while bf.

looking back i feel a bit naive - i saw this all with rose tinted glasses and just assumed i could be super woman and do it all. i can't! and i don't work so i don't know how you work from home with 2dc's!! what i have got out of the hv and gp is i have very high standards, i am a control freak and the more stressed/depressed/anxious i am the more in control i need to feel and the higher my standards. i'm looking into some sort of therapy or counselling at the moment to deal with things as i have a lot of anger and resentment that explodes every now and then. i've found myself wishing away the next few years till dc3 starts nursery.

my hv offered to get dc2 into the children's centre playschool as i was really struggling. you do need to plan ahead, you definately do need support. tell your mw and/or a hv now so they can help you. have you got a children's centre nearby?

we had to buy a new car too but it wasn't too expensive. the one thing i really couldn't cope with was the diy/building work at home!

my dh was at home more for a while then ended up getting a much better paid job but is away a lot commuting and travelling so i'm on my own more. he's much happier in his new job and we have a bit more money so even though i'm not coping very well on my own, i need to find a way to as we don't have any other options.

Thank you all for replying. I know it's such a busy time for everyone, so I'm grateful.
Which car did you buy turtles? I have only ever bought 1 car, off a relative. I have no idea how to go about choosing another one or buying it (it will have to be 2nd hand). Dh painted some of the new timbers the builders put in downstairs with woodworm stuff today, so at least they are safe. He really has no clue about DIY / maintenance stuff so I have to advise him out of my own very limited knowledge.

I'm still feeling so overwhelmed. We can't afford another baby. We can't afford a new car. I don't want to be at home for another 2 years. I have been pregnant, breast feeding, or both, since April 2007, with no break. I am barely a person anymore, and each time I feel like I may get a chance to have an ounce of freedom back, it is taken from me.

I keep trying to explain to dh why I have this longing to get a job outside the home again, just part time, and he thinks I' idealising it, that I've forgotten what a drag working is. I know it probably would be stressful, but at least we'd have a bit more money - or maybe not, as we'd ave so much childcare to pay. I don't know, I feel like a rat in a maze with no way out.