Please could you help me with thoughts on where I go next...

[Chicinwellies]

I am not too sure as to whether there is a 'problem' that needs addressing, or if it is just me, apparently not a great person to be around at the moment.
My DH wants me to seek help because it doesnt take much (at all) to make me Angry, I am hugely Impatient, and get extremely 'stressed' in the run up to occasions, events, etc. Apparently I am one person behind closed doors and a 'Sham' because my friends / family wouldnt have a clue how I treat my husband. I definately act differently around different people, and can really change to suit my surroundings if that makes sense. I am always (always) short tempered with him, hugely sensitive to any comments constructive or otherwise, and really at my wits end now as to what to do. He has told my friends and his about how short tempered I am, and has told me that I am completely imbalanced.
We went to Relate for 8 months, which apart from costing a bomb achieved nothing. I would be really grateful as to what people think I need to do now.

do you suffer with depression?that can manifest as angry outbursts and impatience,especially at those we love

Have you been to your GP? It'd be worth checking there's no medical causes for the way you're feeling. I was a bit like that, my GP referred me for counselling so I could manage my anger and anxiety. It really helped.

haveyourself has some good advice..can I also suggest googling e-couch which is a brilliant self help Cognitive behavioural therapy site from a reputable university department..hope that helps. Christmas puts a lot of stuff into sharp perspective, doesn't it?

Sounds like you could definitely do with some space to talk alone with a counsellor or therapist. Do some digging as to where this anger and irritability comes from.

Do you think your DH's assessment of your behaviour is accurate?

Well if you are angry around him and only him then either a) you have a reason to be angry with him - it might not be valid, but there's something in your mind that makes you feel cross about him or b) you're relaxed enough with him to feel able to show your true feelings. So your issues are either him/your marriage, or a more general feeling of discontent/anxiety. I think some counselling on your own would be useful - GP will refer you.

I am depressed and it manifests itself in anger and short fuse and dh being on the receiving end of vileness from me.

I am much calmer on anti-depressants (and nicer to live with)

We need couples therapy but have been recommended NOT to use relate but to find a therapist who we think can help us each as individuals and as a couple.

My advice would be try antidepressants as IME when you are so volatile towards others it just adds to your sense of self loathing.

Thank you,all, I was worried about posting. I am going to see my GP in the new year and like you suggest aim to be referred for counselling on my own and I'm not against trying medication, I have realised now that something has to change. I do feel DH is valid, he supports me in everything I do and is a very lovely husband by all accounts, but literally sometimes i just go on and on at him or just start saying downright nasty things to him, and I need to address this awful impatience and irritability. Thanks for your help .

I think medication has it place in mental health issues but as a tool to give you the ability to tackle issues - I've been depressed in the past, meds helped me function, counselling helped me recover.
Good on you for seeking help. Let us know how you get on.

by the way you arent alone be growley with those closest to you.my dp says i have a "horse face" when im not good and he knws to avoid me or understand im not the best of company!!!