Feeling very low; nothing is right.

[toptramp]

I have several thinggs going on right now

I am lonely; been mostly single for a decade following an abusive relationship. I am STILL in love with an old flame. He persued me after abusive relationship but I was too cut up to go for it. Heard he has a new girl friend again after recently rejectingme. I know he's not worth it and I can do better but I wake up each morning with a pain in my heart. I can't help how I feel.

I am not enjoying/embracing motherhood as much as I'd like; I feel quite resentful of dds constant demands and I miss my old life. I resent the fact that I am finding dating harder due to being a single mum. I do love her very much and I do find some joy in motherhood; I just find the daily drudgery soooo soul detroying. I do know that it is no better without kids. I am being very snappy atm and wish I had more to give.

My mum died in June and I miss her.

If I post in relationships about my sadness regarding my lack of love life one poster in particular delights in telling me how desperate I am even though I have turned down several suitors due to well er unsuitability. I hope that by posting on this thread I might get some moral support. I don't think that it is unnatural or desperate to want a partner and I won't settle for anyone.

My dad is lovely but aside from him I don't have much family support.

toptrump....so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum .
It is not surprising that this time of year dredges up a lot of emotions...be them good or bad. It sort of highlights what we do & don't have more than before. You say you have your dad..which is great...but do you have any other RL support..other mummies etc.
Relationship wise...are you on good terms with the old flame you still care for? May be being friends would be good...even if it doesn't develop in to a relationship?? Could you handle that?
You are right for not settling for second best...you shouldn't have to.
Motherhood...well it can feel more often than not that it's a drudgery as kids need a stable routine...but have you tried different activities where you are all having fun together? It would really bring out the best in you all & a great chance to bond.
How old are your LOs?
Have you spoken to a doctor or HV yet? You sound very down but understandably so..especially with having had such a loss.
It may be worth having a chat to them & they may b able to advise and help you.

you sound utterly grief-stricken and I feel really sad for you. It's hard being single at Christmas when there's so much emphasis on family and being together, never mind when you've so recently lost someone so special to you.

i really think you could do with some grief counselling, sorry i don't know where you could access this but hopefully someone will be along soon with good information. that doesn't mean you only talk about the loss of your mum, it just helps air some of what you've said in here and being heard and supported.

i'm really sorry for your loss x

Hi there,

My dad is lovely but he is grieving himself and has never really GOT that being a mum, let alone a single mum is really tough. He keeps saying I should enjoy every stage but I that's ok for him to say as he dosn't have to do all of the hard work. He does help a little bit.

I can't be friends with my old flame; I was even thinking of defriending him on facebook out of annoyance that he has a new dp (sad bitch emoticon) . He is very hot and cold anyway and alternates between being flirty/friendly and ignoring me. Wanker. He is one of those people who I can't be friends with as there is too much "there" if you get me?

I have one dd and I just don't feel like doing crafts etc. I do try but I don't find it fun atm at all.

Thank you x

you sound a bit depressed, do you have a nice gp you could talk to? because once meds and counselling are in synch (if that was the recommendation) and the mood picks up, then there can be motivation for things like joining groups and doing craft. Though I know it can seem way out there when you're at a low ebb.

You could do probably do with some good single mum friends as they will know a lot of the stuff you go through.

sorry, i feel like i'm telling you things you either already know or won't be interested in. maybe just talking in here will help ease some of your distress. i hope so.

I second imaginethat sounds like you could do with some extra support at the moment. You've had/got a lot on your plate and a lot to process at the moment so soe good talking therapy (not CBT) sounds like it is in order. It will help you put everything in place and find away to move forward. Your GP can refer you to arouse services or look online for shone in your area. ADs may also help f your GP thinks so, they can be really good and getting you over the hump.