Think I'm actually a freak really could slap myself hard right now.

[mrsmilesaway]

I have a history of anxiety and panic attacks. They feel like a heartattack and are very scary. I have had an ECG and all is good.

I had them under control for a while but they came back after a bad labour with dd (2). I have become quite reclusive I mean I go nowhere if I can help it I do most shopping online and only go out once a day for the schoolrun.

I do lots with dc inside and we have a massive garden but I freak if I go out I think people are laughing or talking about me.

DD nativity was today and for some reason it has played on my mind God knows why. Last night pains started and I felt shocking had a bad nights sleep and felt really bad this morning in the end dp said he would go before work. When he went I felt my whole body relax and the pain actually just went.
Why though? I wanted to go, I wanted to see her.

Yesterday was a bad day as it was the anniversary of dd's death but I've been ok on the date before.

I am sick of it I have fears about everything _ me dying, the kids dying.

I am sabotaging myself I look a mess, I need an eye test but am scared to go, I am already stressing about 2 weddings I have to go to next year.

Please help me.

needy bump

Hello, I can understand how you feel sometimes. I too avoid going out unless I have to.
It is hard when a loved one has gone. It must be worse if you loose a child.
I dread the anniversary of my Dads death although it has been years now. I think too when a loved one has died if makes you worry about death and dying.

I also know what you mean when you worry about what other people think (Thinking they could be talking about you, laughing etc).

Don't really have any advice as I am similar to you.

Does your GP know how you get?

Hopefully someone else will come along.

I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks for years. You know yourself it's a vicious circle once they come back it all starts up again. If I were you I'd see my Gp and get referred from CBT- or if you can afford it go and get hypnosis- I found this was very good. I also listened to anti-anxiety hypnosis CD and it was great. I didn't get any medication - as my GP was rubbish and couldn't recognise a panic attack- but I know someone who got betablockers which worked a dream for them
You know yourself you need to stop avoiding situations as this makes the whole thing worse- the more used you are to something the less you panic. Going out even for a short walk a day will give you confidence.
If you're a freak then I'm a freak and so are loads more people. Once I started talking about my panic attacks it turned out plenty of people had, or knew someone, with the same thing.
If you need an eye test, book it and tell the optician you have panic attacks - I found it helpful to be upfront- as people were great at making me relaxed and I didn't get stressed at what people would think of me and so often I didn't get so anxious. They'd usually seen it all before anyway.
I got better when I had ds as I was determined he wasn't going to miss out because I was anxious so I forced myself to do things.
It is really hard to see your way out of this but you did it before you just need to get some help doing it again. I am very sorry for your loss. Good luck- you can do it.

Sounds like your anxiety is having a big negative impact on your life. Get help. You don't have to live with this. Explain in detail to your doctor how it is affecting you - don't hold back. You have the right to ask for help. If your doctor can refer you for CBT it could be life changing for you. CBT is not invasive, it just gives you the tools to manage and reduce your anxiety and panic attacks. For the majority of people with anxiety and panic problems it really works.

Thanks all. I made myself go out for a bit with smallest dd, only to the supermarket but it was a walk.

Have had a cry chat to dp so he knows I am feeling crap again and am going to be brave and make an appt with gp.

I can't do this anymore I feel like I'm stood over myself trying to make myself stop.

Thankyou all again you have all been lovely.

Well done for deciding to see your GP. Just make sure you actually go and do it! Honestly there's nothing to worry about with talking to your GP about these sort of problems. They are really common - although it can feel like you are the only person in the world feeling that way - and your GP will have come across hundreds of people with similar difficulties.
Don't keep struggling on with them on your own. Life is too short to be miserable, and you can change things - you can do this. You have taken the first step posting about it on here today - well done. Now just keep taking the next small steps and keep on going. Best wishes.

Wow I have a reputation for being hard on myself but you are something else. My dear love, children are not supposed to die and when they do it rips your heart out. It doesn't matter that you were ok at the anniversary of her death last year. This year you are not and that is ok.

You really seem to suffer with fear caused by the physical symptoms of panic attacks. You may want to ask your doctor if beta blockers are suitable for you. The are not addictive or habit forming, but they stop your heart from racing when you have a panic attack.

Go see your GP - get the support you deserve and maybe think about some counselling too. Cruse bereavement care may be able to help.

Thankyou. I am hard on myself but it makes me feel so useless been like this.
DD's death was totally out of the blue she was only ill for a week with an illness thousands of kids get each year before she died. So now I always think the worst.

I will ask about beta blockers, thanks for the advice.

Wishing you all the best x

Mrs - I take propranolol which is a beta blocker. These are particularly effective for situational stress conditions. As madhouse has said they aren't adictive and you can take on an ad hoc basis as required. Are often used by actors etc to calm stage fright/nerves. X