My life has no meaning

[aroundincircles]

I don't know where to start really, not sure if im posting this in the right place, but feel i need to get it off my chest.
Am feeling depressed, have been on and off since i was 15 -i'm 33 now. I'm on fluoxetine, have had a lot of therapy in the past but not at the moment.
I am single and childless, i live on my own. I have a couple of very close friends who are very supportive but have there own lives-pregnant/married etc.
I just feel my life has no meaning. I dont have any responsibilities really or purpose, i feel like a failure, and i also feel ashamed for feeling like this because i have more than a lot of other people.
I would love a child, but have never been in a relationship that has worked out that way, have had lots of relationships, but over recent years they have been quite messy. I have a good job-i work in mental health-which is difficult in itself because right now i dont really feel up to it. The job is also very isolated - i dont have any immediate colleagues.
I'm trying to keep going, but the idea of keeping living this life fills me with terror, christmas is approaching and i just feel so sad that i don't have the things i see other people having-a partner and a child to be a family with. I don't know how to feel 'ok' about this situation. I'm trying to do the right things-keep seeing people, doing stuff but today i have just curled up under the duvet and dont want to come out.

I am so sorry you are feeling this way, to give you some perspective, I am married with two children, my purpose in life at the moment is to be a mum and wife, but I have lost direction in my OWN personal purpose as a human being.
I find it by difficult to make friends, I feel lonely despite having my children.

Christmas is a difficult time because it makes you realise what you don't have compared to others, so I start feeling sorry for myself because I see people being a part of a wider social circle which I cannot seem to attain.

Sorry for rambling, the purpose of that story is that I think we all need a purpose in life and we all need to feel accompanied, but children and a husband is not always the answer.

In my case, I will start CBT soon to get to the bottom of my social difficulties, and I want to start doing some volunteering work so give me some purpose. Can you think of what steps you can take to improve things?

I can relate. I'm 34, and while I have a boyfriend at the moment I've yet to live with anyone. I really thought I'd be married by this point in my life, and I do feel similar twinges of envy when I see my coupled-up friends (obviously I'm happy for them!)

Life does have meaning outside of partners & children, though. I love my job (although it's not everything to me) and I find a lot of worth/meaning in my hobbies.

I would suggest, if you can, trying to get out there and meet people like you - they DO exist! I found [www.meetup.com] really helpful for meeting friends interested in similar things. Also CBT can really help - it can help you cope with negative thought patterns.

Don't be hard on yourself for wanting to curl up & hide - we all do, sometimes. Give yourself permission to hide today, and resolve to get out tomorrow.

so sorry you feel like this; this time of year can be sooo difficult. How about you write down a list of things that you would like to do, things that you would enjoy and then take steps to make one of these happen. I know it's really hard but taking action , however small, can make you feel better?

Thanks-i appreciate the comments. I know i need to take some proactive action-take some control of how i feel. I feel fustrated -because of my job i know what i need to do-its just doing it is the problem I'm trying to keep busy, make plans and not ruminate too much.

The doing it is the difficult part but once you start it will make a big difference. Would it be possible to change job?