Mumsnetters who suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, could I ask you something please?

[bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe]

I'd be so grateful if you could spare a moment to give me advice on how to handle my mother's anxiety and depression.

I don't know what to do for the best for her and at the same time am getting pretty exasperated and snappish. I know this isn't helping her at all, but I am at a loss and, quite frankly, finding endless conversations about her problems is beginning to grind me down. Its like her depression is contagious.

Can I ask what you would like your family to do for you when you are particularly anxious/depressed?

Thank you.

Can you get her out of the house? Is she seeing her GP? If you can encourage her to do something to occupy her mind it may help?

Depression is contagious if you are intensely involved with someone who has it. And caring for someone who has depression can be really hard. So, look after yourself as a priority.

Has your mum seen her GP? What causes her anxiety?

My DP likes everyone to carry on as normal - to make him go out (even if only to the shops), to eat properly and to keep busy so he's not dwelling on it. His mental health team said the same - to love them, be patient & understanding but to continue doing the same things you all normally would.

I like as little attention paid to my illness as possible.

Best not to notice the way she is feeling. Turn a blind eye. Be kind, supportive etc but don't talk about it all the time. The worst thing for me when I was really low was to feel I was dragging everyone else down to. Made the burden worse.

I do agree about getting out of the house as much as possible.

Is she seeing her GP?

I agree, you need to try and ignore it the best you can. Is she taking any medication?

It is important not to pander to each additional whim and fussiness as it arrives as well, because it will just make her worse. Some of that is just what happens with older people, I went through it all a few years ago with my Grandma.

Agree with getting out and about as much as you can, and try to vary the routine a little so that you don't end up with a battle royal of 'but I can't/won't/don't do that' when it is necessary to do things a different way.

Be kind though. DH used to say to me, 'look I know you are finding this particular thing hard, but I am here so let's just do it rather than overthink things', and give me a hug.

But drugs are great for this, if she isn't taking any then she should be, IMO.