Just too much:-(

[paranoidandroidwreckmyownlife]

Life's just too bloody much at the moment. long term depression sufferer.
I've just lost it and shouted at 18m old DD who started screaming the second she went in cot. She never self settles, I have to cuddle or nurse her to sleep twice a dfay. She wakes at 5 most mornings atm.
I just wanted to go out to cinema with DH, we NEED quality time, our marriage is suffereing.
Caught him exchanging flirty texts with a 19yr old girl at work. I want to kill him for being so vain and stupid. I want to kill her for pursuing him even after he said nothing will happen i have a wife and kids. In fact i want to tear the chavvy bitch apart in my wildest dreams.
I hate my self and just want the feelings of shitty emptiness to go away.

I'm so tired of all of it.
Mental health nurse discharged me last week saying I didn't need cbt, need self esteem and relationship therapy. Cheers for saying we won't help you when I'm Sat there crying buckets. All I seem to do is cry.

Oh love, feel so so sorry for what you are going through. Depression and anxiety are no strangers to me so I know the horror of this bloody illness, that you have to experience to understand it. Are you on meds for your depression, should imagine you have if it has been long term. Have they done any good - I'm sure you know if one doesn't suit another one might. Could PND be exacerbating your condition, though you sound like you are very sleep deprived with your LO at the moment.

Your DH has been an absolute pillock and he just shouldn't be putting you seen through this - you have enough on your plate. I'm afraid the male ego is very susceptible to flattery, especially from a young girl - no excuse though. Hope yu laid down an ultimatum to him - start behaving like a mature adult and give yu the support you need, or else.......

Where does the MH nurse imagine you are going to get therapy for self esteem and relationship problems, unless yu are in a position where you can pay privately for this. Mind I am seeing a psychologist on the NHS and she's very good, so it might be worth checking out.

If you haven't tried meds, I think you should - they have certainly helped me.

Sending lots of good wishes and don't waste any of your emotional energy on that silly young girl. She might be in your position one day!