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please please please help us! were out of options

16 replies

2wwmadness · 29/11/2011 17:24

bit of back story, My MIL is bi-polar, has been diagnosed for 26 years. My DH knows more about it these things but she is a severe case.
She has been on lithium for years, lowering the dosage but coping, she came off all medication last year (changed DR so she could) we have moved in with her over the years as we lived close and she is very dependent on my DH (hes an oly child, shes divorced and has lost both her parents and her brother who took care of her in the past) when she has been up or down, nothing since the last year,
to cut a long story short she has been on a huge high for about a year, blowing alot of her money and generally doing manic things, the DR just askes if shes coping, she says yes and she is pushed no further (in reality she has been a royal pita doing things she "knows" are manic, but wont get help for, cant blame her, she was having fun at the time.(eg- essential giving her house away and DH and i having to control her accounts and go for power of atorney)
so for about 3 weeks the biggest low has hit her. We now live 3 hours away from her. The crisis team have been "supporting her" but are shit. they dont turn up when they say they will, sometimes not at all. Her DR isnt monitoring her at all and her medication is now unsuitible for her on a low. This resulted on her taking a massive overdose yesterday.
luckily, and only by chance, she was found and is alive. DH is still in the hospital with her now. He is sitting in with the DR's consultation. She is upset the overdose didnt work and told the doctor she wants to die.she says she feels dead to this world already and shes had enough. She will try this again. This is the 1st time she has ever attempted suicide, she has never gone this far before and has been in mental health institutions (by her choice) in the past. THE DR HAS JUST DISTCHARGED HER AS MENTALLY STABLE, DH WAS THERE, SHE TOLD THE DR!!! SHE IS IN A BAD WAY, ITS AMAZING THE AMOUNT OF PILLS SHE TOOK DIDNT KILL HER LESS THAN 24HOUS AGO. dh took the dr to one side, told him thatb she has no support, she will be left on her own and has never been this bad ect. The DR said that in his opinion shes fine. The crisis team should of been there hours ago, they are our last hope to help her (DH and her thinks she should go into a hospital) they have now kicked DH out of the ward as visiting hours are over for the next hour, DH has stressed that he must be there when she is seen by them, the head nurse said she will ring him "if she can" i get that they are busy and overstretched and strikes ect going on toworrow, i do sympathise but we need them to help us. Just a missed call from the ward so he can come in form the carpark (where hes standing for an hour to try and catch them) if they dont help and shes discharged tonight, We beleive she will be dead by christmas. Please help us, where do we go from here? who can we call? we have always been her carers, but this has now got bigger than we can handle. Im 17 weeks pg with our 1st child, DH starts his super promotion on friday. We need help. MIL is in south yorkshie if that makes a difference

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2wwmadness · 29/11/2011 17:32

bump

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2wwmadness · 29/11/2011 17:46

Anyone? We don't know what to do?

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Rumplestiltskine · 29/11/2011 17:46

I'm so sorry that you're all in this situation, what a shocking lack of care from the professionals :( I'm afraid I have no experience with this kind of thing so no advice, but didn't want to read and run. Your MIL is very lucky to have such a caring family to fight for her, I hope the doctors realise she needs help and give her the appropriate care.

Upwardandonward · 29/11/2011 17:47

Has your DH made a formal request for an assessment under the Mental Health Act?

2wwmadness · 29/11/2011 17:53

Don't know? I'm texting him as we speak, I don't think so, how do we do that? Who to? Thank you rumple, we car about her but she's too much (although we would never let her know we felt like that) my dh deserves a life too. He wants constant care, shes always had people look after her. We are at the point where we can't. Or we do and put our lives on hold. Thank you both or your response

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Marne · 29/11/2011 17:54

i don't really know what to suggest but could not read and run, hopfully the hospital will not discharge her tonight and will offer her the help she needs, she needs to go back on medication and find the right medication for her. I don't know a lot about bi-polar but my mums friend has it and was in a bad way a while ago, she's now on new medication and doing well.

If you beleive she is a harm to herself then i think there is a way of getting her sectioned and her mental health acessed.

Sorry i cant be more help Sad

2wwmadness · 29/11/2011 17:54

She wants constant care* sorry on my phone now

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2wwmadness · 29/11/2011 18:01

It's just a Constant battle to get her the help she needs. We just get passed to another person who passes us to another person and she is effectively terminally ill. She cannot take anymore. We are in our early (just, ok mid) 20's in afraid people just arn't taking us seriously. There just seems to be no advice. Thank you all for your help. He's just got in with the crisis team (who should of been there 6 hours ago!!!) we will see what they think. This the same crisis team thr discharged her from their care hours before she took enough sleeping pills to knock out a shire horse! Fingers crossed dh can be her voice and fight for help!

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Upwardandonward · 29/11/2011 18:22

After having a look around the internet, it appears that it can be your duty social work team (or duty allied health professional). Whilst this is Devon's information , the first paragraph applies everywhere.

I'm not sure whether your DH would need to wait til your MiL is discharged - it might be worth him 'officially' requesting via the crisis team (or asking them who to contact, saying that he is her nearest relative (if he is)).

Hopefully someone who knows for definite will come by.

2wwmadness · 29/11/2011 18:31

Thank you so so so much. We have got her a few nights stay in a private care house. It's like a hostal with nurses. It's bought us some time. We got this through a friend who is a dr and rang someone in the crisis team. It's bought u some time anyway. She will be watched whilst we can fight some more. Dh is seeing the solicitor tomorrow about her assets. When she's on a high she won't agree to this, and blows alot of money. Now we can mak sure the funds are there to take care of her. I will show him this and get him into contact with social services. Thanks everyone. You have given us direction to go in! Incidetly, if you want to complain about about dr's how do you? Who can you complain to?

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Memoo · 29/11/2011 18:34

If she is still poorly when discharge her take her to A&E, they will have a duty psychiatrist. You are going to have to make a lot of noise to get people to listen. If they send her home keep taking her back.

You shouldn't have to do that but mental health services are seriously lacking.
Also try contacting Mind. They can give you lots of advice.
The other thing to consider is calling social services.

Memoo · 29/11/2011 18:35

X posts, good luck.

2wwmadness · 29/11/2011 18:45

Memoo she was in the A&E ward. There wasnt a psych avalible that's why they wanted to discharge her. Dh has just been back to her house to pack her a bag. She didn't leave a note. She was going to leave her only son without leaving a note :( he's so upset.

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Memoo · 29/11/2011 18:57

I'm so sorry I read that completely wrong x

Marne · 29/11/2011 20:24

Thats so sad for your dh Sad

My dh lost his mum to suicide (dh was only 11 at the time), it has had a huge effect on his life. I hope you can get her the help she needs and you don't have to fight too hard to get it. xxx

2wwmadness · 29/11/2011 20:34

Thanks everyone. It's so frustrating I want to tell her how angry I am with her and how selfish and controlling on her beautiful son age is being. But obviously I can't. She's ill. And needs help. But dh doesn't deserve this. No one does

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