when you hear of someone killing themselves does it act like a trigger?

[Memoo]

It's all over the news isn't it and I can't believe the reaction its provoked in me.

Keep having flash backs to the time when I was in a really bad place too. Particularly one time when I was on my knees begging dh to kill me.

Feel sick and anxious every time I think of him.

Not sure this make any sense!

It makes sense I think. For me the way used is something I tried. I hope you've got support, hugs.

Dh is around and he is a fab support.

Sorry you've been through similar x

Nobody can understand what its like unless they have been there. I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy.

The only thing that stopped me actually killing myself was my kids, I just couldn't leave then.

Poor bloke was obviously past that point

I hope he is at peace now.

Sort of. Like you it has brought a lot of unpleasant memories flooding back. It doesn't help that I am tired and stressed. Or that it is a topic of conversation at work. Unknowingly people make "selfish" comments, and "how could he" and part of me wants to interject as say "Actually..." and the other part wants to curl up in a corner and forget that was ever me.

Yeah I've been hearing the selfish comments too. People can never understand unless they have been there.

Part of me actually feels kind of jealous that he really did it. A dark thought I wouldn't admit to anyone in real life. And yes it seems like I "have it all" from the outside. I am not even particularly sad, wouldn't say I was depressed, have lots to live for, but I can so understand it, especially the "oh but he was laughing and joking!" comments. I just think, on balance, probably, everyone would actually be better off without me. But I enjoy my life, love my family, I suppose it wouldn't make sense to a lot of people.

It just makes me feel really sad. I've been there, I've wanted to be dead as I felt that was better for everyone and I've left the house intending never to come back but in the end text a friend who came and found me. I believed if I was gone dh would marry a better woman and ds would get a proper mummy.

Now I can only be glad and grateful that I didn't do it, that I sent that text and that my friend would not let go until he found me.

For me everyone who commits suicide is a precious life wasted that could have been turned around with help and support. By the same token I never judge anyone for wanting to do it or for doing it. I know from experience how black and intensely painful life can be.

Three years ago, just before I became pregnant with DS3, in fact while we were busy trying, one of DH's colleagues killed himself and it was just awful. He was exactly a day older than me too and for some reason, perhaps for that reason (and also because DH and I were busy trying to create a new life at that time) it really affected me. He'd had depression on and off for a while and his partner had left him just recently before he did it. I hadn't even met him but I felt so sad for him for ages after it happened (he did it in January, the most depressing month I think). Then just a year later, exactly, I wanted to die and begged DH to let me die once (a horrible memory, I hate thinking about it) and it was only then that I understood how DH's colleague had felt, but also it made me realise how transient those feelings are. How in fact they are a desire for 'this life' to end, not life itself. I think it is understandable to be affected by someone dying in this way in the public eye and it upsets me to see negative things being said about it. Suicide is such a sad, sad thing to have to deal with, for everyone involved.

How in fact they are a desire for 'this life' to end, not life itself

Thats very poignant and given me a new way of looking at things.