Depressed and overwhelmed

[Overwhelmingchaos]

Am so low I can hardly think straight at the moment.
House is a tip
DS (9) who is autistic with adhd is running rings round me because I cannot get my head round any routine except his one. He doesn't sleep very well and is often still awake past 11pm (and on a bad night 1am).
I work part time (just 15 hours a week) but even that's just an additional stress. My job is a very responsible one where problems could occur if I make a mistake so I am panic stricken that I will miss something all the time. I missed recording something last week due to overtiredness but even worse - had no idea I had not done it. I have now gone off sick but am really thinking about how realistic it is to be working while trying to cope with depression and the needs of my son.
I am binge eating and can't seem to stop and am in either in a constant panic or feeling low. I have been crying a lot but am trying to keep it together when DS is around - it is hard though.
If I give up my job then I lose my car which is leased. Even worse the lease is up this month so I either have to agree a new lease (tying me in for another 3 years) or return the car in three weeks time leaving me carless (although I have just sold my beloved iPad to start a car fund).
Ironically I have discovered that I will possibly not be hugely worse off in not working as I would then get Carer's Allowance for my son.
I am so scared and low and I don't lmow which way to turn. I am seeing my GP this evening who is one of these calm, kind and logical people which I so need at the moment.
All I can see is a life ahead of e being constantly disorganised, untidy and overweight with a chid who does not progress.
Don't really need any advice, I just need to write it all down

It can be so hard sometimes.

Good for you though recognising that you are not coping at the moment.

Try & focus on the moment, try to put aside thoughts about your job/car just now, can be dealt with at another time. You are off sick to get a break because you are not up to work at the moment. Leave important decisions.

I find it helpful when I am stressing and worrying to keep really busy, just do stuff, whether it be hoover/dishes, just get jobs done one at a time, eg I will say forget the whole house being a tip, I'm doing the hoovering now, then I'm going to stop for a cuppa, then I'm going to do the dishes, the rest can wait.

You are doing the right thing is seeing GP. Need to do same but just keep putting it off

Oh overwhelming I do feel for you so much and agree with what Mrs Voltar has said. I know how horrid depression is at first hand and I don't have a child to care for as you do, they've all long flown the nest. I really really feel for you young mums struggling with depression and children too, especially for you as your son is bound to be a handful, even when you are not overwhelmed.

You have so many worries going through your head and that is making everything worse and Mrs Vortar is right in a way, but you do have deadlines about the car. Can you make a list of all your worries and then they are out of your head onto paper (sorry if that sounds trite) but it always helps me. It seems to me that if you can manage financially without work, that might be your best bet. It sounds like you are a single parent too, so is there anyone else who can help with your son to give you some respite, though he must be at school, but it doesn't sound like your evenings are free if he is not sleepy.

I don't think you need me to tell you you are depressed, and are having spiralling negative thoughts about the future. Have you ever taken ADs in the past. I have found them helpful and you may too. You need something to take the edge of these feelings of being overwhelmed. Don't worry about the house. Take an hour at a time, and yes you could say to yourself "will just do that" then I will sit down with a coffee for half anhour etc. That works for me, but then we are all different.
So so glad you have a good GP and glad you are seeing him/her tonight. Post again and sending you warm wishes from one sufferer to another x

I'm obviously not going to out you here but I recognise your story from this really supportive fb group we're both part of. Please don't be afraid to spout on there to get it out of your system and get support. It's too hard on your own!

Thanks all, have seen my GP today and she has signed me off for two weeks. She says not to resign as although it might be the right decision in the long term that NOW is not the best time to make it. Told e to speak to HR about the types of support available and what leave is available too.
Thanks you madmouse , I have deregistered on FB for the time being but am already leaning towards reactivating it ......