Do I need to see the Dr?

[BaxterIsThatYou]

This is probably 95% down to extreme sleep deprivation but I cannot figure out what to do.
Long story short - DD is 16 months and is sleeping worse than ever, DH and I are very sleep deprived to the point of losing it. We have paid for a consultation from a sleep clinic tonight to try and sort it out, as I'm also 15 weeks pg and the thought of continuous lack of sleep is making me feel sick.

I am irritable ALL the time, I have spent a number of days this week in tears, couldn't get out of bed this morning despite DD's loud protests, I just felt numb to them.

I feel like my life is one big pile of unhappiness, where has my smile and laughter gone? I feel like a shadow of my pre-DD self.

I love DD so so much - we are both very attached to each other - but I have recently had feelings of wanting to escape for a week and for someone else to deal with the sleeping issue. I have to use all my self control at night when she's awake for up to 2 hours each night, not to get angry with her.

This morning when I finally emerged, DH just said 'come on give me a hug, I need some attention' - he gets bizarrely needy when I'm feeling like this, I don't think he knows how to react. He often tries to turn things around so that he's the one who needs the extra support, when it's pretty clear sometimes that I'm teetering on the edge. Not that it's a competition of course.

I don't know whether things will resolve themselves if DD starts sleeping better. Even making the decision to get help from the sleep clinic makes me sad, it feels like a complete failure on my part to get it sorted. All the bf-ing and night-time love we've given her seems to have completely blown up in our face.

Any advice?

you're having a really rough time. DO you have any family or friends who could help, even just give you both a night off? Failing that, could you give each other a break, take it in turns at night?

DH and I do take it in turns each night. DD has got used to DH going to her now so doesn't scream for milk anymore, but when it's my night she won't have any of it - it's milk then into my bed for a roll around until she decides she's tired again.
MiL helps sometimes during the day but she has her own issues (she is full time carer for FiL so can't leave the house without someone else being there with him).

i'm not sure you do need a doctor for you, you're not mentally ill, you are suffering the perfectly normal and understandable consequences of not sleeping enough. only sleep will help.

you've made a really good and positive choice in getting your DD help with her sleep (NOT a failure AT ALL) and so next step is to ensure that you and your DH are getting enough.. do you get any naps in the day? does your DD sleep in the day at all? can you use some childcare in the day to catch up on sleep? Honestly - all you need is more sleep, there's NOTHING wrong with you and YOU'RE NOT a failure.

DD sleeps late morning, usually for an hour and a half but sometimes (if I mis-time it) only half an hour. I try to sleep at the same time otherwise I cannot function properly.
The thought of DC2 being as bad a sleeper is also making me :(

My MiL has just picked her up to give me chance to sleep. I burst into tears as soon as she left, I can't stop crying and feeling like a failure :(

Oh love you are running on "empty" at the moment aren't you, and sleep deprivation can make you feel really ill and irritable. I know it's easy to say but don't look ahead and think the worse cus that's heaping more stress on you. Your new baby may be a better sleeper. One of my sons and dil are going through this too - their first child was a brill sleeper and they were a bit smug, saying it's nothing to do with luck, it's the way you "train" them................but baby No. 2 who is 18 months has been just the opposite. She goes through phases, sometimes screaming when she is put down, but more often waking at 1.00 and 3.00 for anything up to an hour or two each time.

There is nothing really wrong cus when they go in she is standing up in the cot screaming and as soon as she is picked up she is fine! Sometimes though she continues to scream even when picked up and nothing can console her, not even going in the big bed. Then she wakes her brother and there is pandemonium. My DIL can let her cry but my son can't and so he is the one who is always shattered. Unfortunately I am not near enough to help, nowhere near at all.

I'm sorry to say this and please don't take it the wrong way but your little girl is just behaving like a 16 month child!! These days will pass and before you know where you are they will be teenagers and you will be moaning about the fact they lie in bed till mid-day! It will be hard work with 2 under 2 and that can't be avoided. I remember 3 under 5 many many years ago andthe sleepless nights, but the memory fades - honest.

I do wonder though about you giving in and giving your daughter milk and a "roll around in the bed" - I assume you are talking about BFing because dad could give her a bottle if that's what she wanted. I think it is a battle of wills with toddlers and sometimes you have to switch to "tough love" to keep your own sanity. She will kick up even more of course, but you will have to try to be strong and not give in. Once you are satisfied there is nothing wrong, maybe you should leave her a while to cry it out. Giving her milk is actually reinforcing her behaviour, and it is intermittent reinforcement because she doesn't get it when dad goes in, powerful stuff!

I must really take issue with you on the final para of your OP "all the love and BFing we gave her has completely blown up in our face" - NO, no no, that is not the case. The child's earliest days, weeks, months and years are of prime importance and will lay the foundation for future life. The first 3 years are the most important in a child's life and if parents and child have secure attachments between them (which you do) this will be a protective factor for your daughter throughout her life span. Conversely if children are abused or neglected during those years, they will to a greater or lesser extent experience problems through their lifespan.

You are giving your daughter the greatest gift that you can - unconditional love (ok you are sleep deprived and worrying about the future which is only natural) but you are clearly loving parents and please please don't think you are failures because your daughter is unsettled at night. This happens to loads of parents - my No 3 was horrendous and yes I sometimes had to walk away before I "lost it" and would you believe he now has 3 DCs who are all good sleepers - not fair!

As others have said, it doesn't sound like you are depressed in the sense that you need meds, because there is a clear reason for your tearfulness and tiredness, though I do know some women can get depressed when pregnant. Maybe getting it checked out wouldn't hurt.

Take good care and STOP thinking of yourself as anything other than a tired, stressed pregnant mum with a lovely little girl who isn't sleeping well, but it will pass and above all remember that what you are giving her now will protect her all her life...............well done you!

your story sounds like mine! My son is 17 months and he woke up every hour until 15,5 months. I stopped bf during the nights, which helped a bit but his sleep got better considerebly better after he was described movolac for constipation. Now he sleeps 7-6 and wakes up only once. Maybe there is underlying medical reason your child does not sleep well?

I am also pregnant (10 weeks) and have suffered of insomnia, awful tiredness and morning sickness. I also have had bad bouts of depression. I could cope waking up every hour of the night for almost a year. I was tired but felt fine. But when I got pregnant and depression hit me, everything started to be really difficult and hopeless. Maybe you shoudl go and discuss with doctor about the possibility that you could be depressed.