please come and hold my hand.

[FriggsFlyingFalconFeathers]

today has been a BAD day.
i ran out of tablets,idiot me did'nt check the number i was given and trusted ther were 52 as my GP had said there would be. in fact only 28 were given.

so yesterday i phoned my surgery,receptionist say's i can speak to the GP until today so i waited,today my lovely GP phones and says she will fax a prescripion over to boot's intown so i only havet to make one trip out.
i get there and no prescription is waiting,they phone my GP,and the recepionist wont put them through,the receptionist speaks to me and proceeds to grill me on WHY i need extra tablets,why am i on them anyway,what it says in my notes etc etc, all in the middle of bloody boots! in front of my DC.

add to this i havent taken any meds for 2 days now,and i have a thing about talking on the phone (i hate it) - i burst into tears. i cryed all the way home,obviously bumping into everybody i know.

i get home and summon my corage to make yet another phone call,i BEG the receptionist to let me speak to my GP,she wont let me.
she tells me there was most likely a mistake at the pharmacy,or else i have taken too many i ask what the hell i am supposed to do,she doesnt know,and suggests phoning the pharmacy.
i cant i cant i cant.

i know it's stupid. i cant stop crying.
i was having a bad week anyway,i dont think the tablets are really working anymore anyway,my DP is fed up with it,he thought was getting better and now im worse than ever,i just want to curl up and disappear.

Friggs...do you have a RL friend/family who could call the pharmacy for you to inquire if the prescription has got there?
It sounds as though you have been pushed from pillar to post today...take a few minutes and try & calm down.
Is it an option to call the doctors again & try to be put through to your doctor. I think you need the reassurance...may be even make an appointment to get the meds reviewed if you do not feel they are working effectively for you anymore.
If you do not have the support...call Samaritans...they will be able to help & reassure you.

Oh you poor love - I'm having crap day too, but yours sounds a bloody nightmare. That receptionist needs a kick up the bum if you ask me. Your GP agreed to fax the prescription over to Boots so it's nothing to do with the receptionist - but there are somelike that, like to think they are the boss.

I so so know the feeling of wanting to curl up and disappear and this is what depression makes us want to do. Hang on in there - and get the meds sorted and you may start to feel benefit - have you only just started them, cus they take a while to kick in and yu can sometimes feel worse at the beginning.

Can you summon up enough courage to phone Rec again and try to be assertive though know how hard that is when you are feeling so crap. Is there anyone who could do it for you. Will certainly hold your hand as that will help me too..........it's a crap illness and is so scarey - I'm sure worse than anything physical.

Take care and remember, this too will pass...............

thankyou.
i have found a packet at the back of the cupboard with 3 tablets in,so ive taken one of those,for now,hopefully when DP gets home from work he will call for me.
sorry to hear you are also having a crappy day nina.

it means so much on days like this just to know MNers are around...

I know - posting on MN has got me through many a dark day - somehow it helps to know others are suffering and that sounds horrible but I think whatever we are going through it is nice to know we are not alone.

Hi FFFF - wondering how you are today. I had the day from hell yesterday, crying a lot and staying in bed most of the day (I get blips every few weeks that can last around 7 days on average) but yesterday was one of the most horrendous I have had. Had to miss my niece's engagement party. Slightly better today but no energy/motivation etc.

Hope you get your meds sorted out next week - love NN
Hate this bloody illness.

Nana & FFFF....how are you both doing today?

Oh thanks for asking wifey6 - slightly better today thank you and have got better during the evening which is why I am still up - this is the usual pattern. This morning was grim but then mornings always are when I'm like this. Nice friend came to see me this afternoon and I have a loving and supportive DP - thank god. Hope to hear something from FFFF soon. MNs on this thread are so kind and supportive and I do try to reach out to others when I am feeling ok.

nananina...I'm so glad to hear you are feeling better & have a good support system around you. I think that helps so much. I feel as though I am jut gaining that myself. I hope we hear from FFFF very soon as well. I hope today is another good day for you.

hello everyone,im doing much better thankyou so much for asking,my lovely GP phoned to make sure everything was okay,and has written me a new prescripition,i am seeing her on thursday too.

NN have days like those too,sometimes for no reason at all it seems...that is when DP tends to lose sympathy i think,he feels like im getting somewhere and then all of a sudden i dont want to do anything,or see anyone for days...

Hi FFF and wifey6 - another really bad day for me. Only just up and showered - DP out for walk with ramblers so that is why I stayed in bed so long, as he usually encourages me to get up. Woke feeling flat, empty and am wrung out after long crying session. Glad you are doing bettwe FFF and that you have a lovely GP. I have one too, but she is so booked up that you can never get to see her.

It is difficult for others to understand the ups and downs of depression but somehow you need to try to help your DP to understand, because losing sympathy for you when you need it most is going to make you worse.
I don't think my DP and friends understand it (well I don't either as I cango to bed feeling fine and wake up feeling shite) but they try to cope with me as best they can.

I feel like my life has been on hold for 2 years (when all this began for me) and though I have lots more good days than bad, when the bad ones come I despair. I don't feel i can make any arrangements in case I am crap and then can't make it. Doesn't matter so much with adults but it's my gr/chrn I worry about, as they can't understand why sometimes I can meet them from school and sometimes not etc - you can't explain depression to children.

We mustbelieve there will be brighter times ahead x

NN...so sorry to hear you are having a bad day. Can I ask if you take any medication/counselling etc?

Yes I am on 200 mg of imipramine per day. My first major episode of depression and anxiety was 16 years ago at the age of 50, following the unexpected death of my dearest friend at the age of 46. I was admitted to hospital for 3 months, put on imipramine and made full recovery - back at work within 1 month.

Then I started to see a psychologist as I knew she was an expert at helping people get off ADs - had been on them for 15 years and she certainly knew how to get me off them- it took 10 months and by July 2010 I was off them, without any withdrawal effects. 2 GPs had already tried beforehand and both times I had massive withdrawal symptoms.

However between July & Dec 2010 I had a series of stressful incidents, new baby gr/dgtr very ill (but made complete recovery) broke my leg, contracted campylobacter (food poisoning like salmonella) and this wiped me out for weeks. Eventually GP suggested I could have M.E and this sent my anxiety soaring as I knew someone who had this and she never got better.

Went back to the same psychologist Jan 2010 and saw her x2 per week and was getting worse and worse and the therapy wasn't helping - in fact making me worse and costing me £90 per week! She totally disagreed with meds and said if I took them she wouldn't see me.

By March 2010 I was rock bottom and gave up the psychology and took a nose dive at Easter and was suicidal so was again admitted to psych ward for 3 months and made some improvement. But this time has been different, no full recovery - ups and downs (weeks of feeling fine) and then out of the blue 7 days or so of feeling horrendous but improves through the day usually. No triggers as far as I know. I saw a CPN when discharged from hospital for 18 months and she was lovely and introduced me to CBT which all sounded sensible when I was feeling ok but less helpful when I was feeling crap.

I am now seeing an NHS psychological counsellor who is very nice but can't really understand the "blips" (I tend to talk in terms of "me" and "not me") becasue that's how it feels and she says it is "all me" which I know but when in a bad blip don't feel like me at all.

I am firmly of the opinion that no one can understand this horrid illness until they have had it themselves. I am fortunate to have a supportive DP (Been together 40 years!) and some close women friends.

The conslt psych has visited every 3 months since discharge from hospital but has now "signed me off" as I have been making improvements through the year. He says blips are to be expected and sometimes they go and sometimes not! Thanks for asking.

I feel selfish because I know there are so many people far worse off then me - all these struggling young mums - my heart goes out to them. I can barely cope with myself, let alone young children.

Wifey6 - sorry don't know your back story. Of course only post if it helps x

NN...you sound to me like a survivor. You sound like although this overwhelms you at times and you have blips...you are still trying to fight & I admire that. I really do. I have anxiety..stress-induced OCD & toxic sisters of whom have only ever made things worse. CBT was my turning point. I was very ill after my DS...16 months ago (hormone related)...but feel I am getting through..although the last few weeks have been hard. Let's all support one another..

Sorry to hijack - just wanted to say to NN - hope the blip passes really quickly. Bloody blips !!!!!

FFFF - glad you got it sorted. Your GP sounds lovely. The receptionist sounds like a silly jobs worth cow

Thanks wifey6 and Kizzie - yes support on MN really helps. Wifey - I don't know much about OCD but used to think it was just about washing hands all the time or something similar, but gather from the MH threads that it can be having really intrusive and scarey thoughts to. Glad CBT helped you so much - it does seem to help so many - can I ask did you see a therapist trained in CBT. My CPN introduced me to it but admitte that she didn't know a great deal, because she had only been on a course, but she knew the basics.

Kizzie I know you know about bloody blips!

FFF - sounds like you know all about blips too.

Yes, am all for supporting each other - I seem to manage to MN even when I am feeling crap. Time for bed ........... hoping for better day for us all tomorrow (or the next day!)