I'm worried that this is going to sound silly

[Itsabitcolduphere]

I feel like by dog is causing me to feel depressed. I've name changed for this BTW.

I have a toddler and am expecting another child in 5 months time. I also have a very demanding dog. I just can't imagine how I will cope with two children and the dog as he is such hard work. In fact he is by far much harder work the my child. I actually feel like the latter part of my maternity leave was spoilt by the dog as he is so demanding and boisterous that I felt like I was slipping into PND but because of the dog not my DD. Fortunately DD is very easy going as I'm not sure what I would have done otherwise.

We talk about rehoming him but then I feel intense guilt and that makes me feel even more depressed about the whole situation.

I feel like I've ruined the dogs life by taking him on and now not being able to cope. I feel like I should keep him as it was my choice to have him in the first place and it's not fair on him to rehome him.

See, it's ridiculous isn't it. I feel so silly asking for advice on this but by God I really need some. I honestly do feel like I'm the lowest I've ever been because of it all.

I'm not a dog owner btw so I wouldn't want to advise. But I suppose the options are:

1. Re-home the dog (and deal with the guilt).
2. Keep the dog and struggle on (and deal with the depression).
3. Keep the dog and get more help to deal with dog (if that's an option eg family, friends, pay someone to look after it etc); or
4. Have the dog put to sleep (and deal with the guilt).

Do you have to make the decision alone? Good luck deciding.

Hi OP. You sound really quite distressed about this. I don't have a dog either, so I'm not giving any experiential advice. I imagine having a demanding dog is very difficult, I wonder if yours has always been demanding and now that you're expecting you're wondering how you'll manage? It's scary having a baby too and they're really demanding. Goodness, what a lot of demands on the horizon. Do you know of anyone who can look after your dog in the meanwhile and give it the attention it's so clearly looking for? I wonder if the dog feels your preoccupation with your little bump and new to arrive bundle and is feeling jealous? Poor little thing really, if that is the case. I can't help comparing it to how a child might feel if they have a new brother or sister coming along. Do you really love the dog enough to make the effort to include it in the new arrival and change in your life or would it be better to allow your dog to have a new family to give it the love it deserves. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but it might be you have to be realistic about it. As I say, i dont' have a dog but I imagine they're a bit like children and need a lot of love and attention. Please don't feel guilty. You have to do what's best for you, your new born and your dog. I think being practical might help you through this one. Good luck.

You are not being silly at all. The dog is a part of your family as much as your dd or partner are. You are going through a tough time and dogs are alot of work that only dog owners can appreciate. With another little one on the way it is hard to imagine how you will cope if you are struggling at the moment but you will feel awful about having him rehomed if thats what you decide to do. It's worth looking at other avenues first though and you have five months to work through this. Have you considered a dog behaviourist? Or dog training classes? There are also facilities popping up all over that do doggy day care which is like a nursery for dogs where you drop them off in the morning and pick them up in the evening. Even if only for a couple of days a week it might give you the time you need to cope better?

I am almost 13 weeks pregnant and we have an 8 month old labrador puppy. We lost our old labrador at the beginning of the year and quickly got a puppy. Then fell pregnant. I have wondered whether we did the right thing getting a puppy as she is very demanding of my time and attention. I've had terrible sickness throughout this pregnancy and keeping up with her has been a nightmare. My DH has undertaken alot of the walking which would usually be my job and she now looks to him as being the "master" as I see it. This saddens me as it's always been my role to look after the dog. I have worried about how I will cope all day with a baby and a dog who needs to run around for hours at a time and wants clapped and to lick me all over. We have addressed this by trying to get her to lie around more at home rather than encouraging playtime indoors. We have checked out walking routes suitable for a pram and a dog. I love the thought of my child growing up alongside a dog as I hate to see children afraid of them, as so many are. I also see it as great company and stimulation for a child, and for me when off work on maternity leave. It gives me an excuse to have to get outside every day and will help me get fit and slim again. All my doubts about how I will cope quickly fade when my puppy falls asleep on my lap or runs to meet me when I come home. They provide so much warmth. My situation is different to yours though and you must do what is best for you and your family. It is worth fighting for the best of both worlds though and giving yourself some time to make the situation more workable.

I hope I have helped and not confused you further. I cannot imagine not having a dog at home and always having had labs am used to their easygoing temperament. Not all dogs are like this, and not every lifestyle is suitable for owning a dog. By deciding what is best for you and your family you are deciding what is best for the dog too. It may be heartbreaking rehoming the dog but it would be far kinder for the dog to go to another loving family who have time to look after, exercise and care for it than to stay with you if you cannot commit to providing this or if it compromises you looking after your family.

Thanks everyone. He is definitely demanding because he's not getting the attention he needs or deserves, I'm certain of that. Although in fairness he has always been a difficult dog. We have worked through some of his issues for example he used to obsessively hump, everything and everyone, and he simply doesn't do that anymore. He does however, still demonstrate lots of other dominant behaviour traits. I dont want to out myself by saying too much but he is not the most placid breed. His breed are known for showing stubborn and dominant behaviour and in all honesty I feel bullied by him at times. God, I still feel like it sounds silly to other people 'bullied by a dog'?!?! Honestly, that's how it feels at times.

We've had one-to-one training for him at home and have also taken him to group classes once a week. He gets walked every day without fail. In fact he's lovely when out walking and I think it's because he is getting mine or my husbands sole attention and he really loves that.

I really have battled with this for months and months. I blame myself. I feel the dog will suffer because I thought I would be able to cope with a baby and a puppy. I can't. If I can't cope now, I'll never be able to cope with two babies and a dog will I? Poor, poor dog. I hate myself for this.

My husband helps as much as he can but he works long hours do its difficult. He has seen how upset I've been about it and feels that we should rehome the dog so that he gets a chance to be with a loving family who are able to give him more attention. Perhaps with older or no children.

We had a dog when we were children and we adored him. I wanted my children to have the same however I feel that if we do rehome our dog I'll never be able to take on another as I'll be so worried about it not working out again.

Op - I have a springer spaniel and a 12 wo DD. He is only two and is like your dog is. However my FIL walks him most days for us as a favour and my DP does too.

Have you thought about a dog walker?

Not wishing to sound ungrateful for any advice but the walking part isn't the problem really. I can take him out with the pushchair and DH takes him out every evening after dinner and we both enjoy walks with the dog.

I could list a hundred things that are the problem, for example barking in the mornings. Doesn't matter what time DH comes down at in the mornings, the dog will always bark continuously after DH has left the hose until I come down. For example, this morning DH came down at 5.45am, fed the dog, let him into the garden for the loo and gave him some fuss. DH left the house at 6.30am. The dog then began barking at 7.15am for me to come down. He doesn't need to go out or anything. He has just learnt that I'll come down as I don't want him to wake DD. Of a weekend the barking starts anywhere from 6am (and has been as early as 4.30am). Our Daughter will sleep until 9am but we never can because the dog won't allow us to.

We can never leave him in the garden alone, even just to go to the loo as he stands at the back door an barks continuously until either we stand outside with him or bring him back in. Neighbours in one side are fine but the otherwise have complained (although they also complain about children playing in the garden a few doors up so are generally the type to moan).

He's taken to running, full force, into my legs and has knocked me over twice in the last month. Actually fully knocked me to the ground. Obviously worrying as I'm pregnant but I also worry about when I have a newborn in my arms. This has progressed from the head butting that he tended to do before and still does. He'll just stand by us and constantly butt us, demanding attention. If that doesn't work he'll jump up and eventually wil start nipping and barking.

He snaps and growls if we tell him off, snaps food out of our hands or off the kitchen counter. The aggressive behaviour has got more difficult to deal with as he's become bigger and stronger. He's bitten DH and drawn blood. He has nipped as snarled at me but never as aggressively as he does with DH.

He isn't allowed upstairs and is fine in kitchen, hallway, dining room (other than destroying furniture and now door frames) but if we let him into the sitting room for family time he'll pee on the carpet. Doesn't do it anywhere else in the house though?

In short, it's all the sort of behaviour I would expect from a child that was completely ignored and began to perform and play up as a means of getting some attention. However, he ISN'T Ignored. We just don't seem to be able to give him the amount of attention that he desires. He seems to need constant attention without any interruption.

A friend come over the other evening and I separated the dog using a dog gate and she doesn't like dogs and he goes crazy when someone comes into the house. He threw himself at the gate so violently for so long that he actually broke through. It frightens visitors and I'm embarrassed to ask the other Mums to come around with their babies. I worry about him near my baby so goodness knows how the other Mums feel. He'll bark and cry non-stop when someone is here.

I could go one but won't. He IS lovely at times. :)

I feel like we've created the monster. That his behaviour is a result of competing for attention with DD. Everytime I decide I'm going to rehome him, the guilt kicks in and I think let's just wait until he's 6 months/he's a year old/DD is no longer a babe in arms/the new baby comes..... Etc etc

Sorry for going on and on. I feel like I've even struggling through for a year now and it feel good to get it off my chest a little.

Hi OP, I hope you're ok. It sounds like you've made a decision that's right for you. I don't think it's helpful for you to feel such guilt. I'm sure you'll make the right decision for all of you in the circumstances. It's important he's in the right place too. I hope all goes well for you and your family.

Has he been neutered?

I've had 6 children & 4 dogs over 30 years. Children & my sanity come first every time, I've been fortunate with the dogs I've had slotted in, always knew they were below the baby in the pecking order, & trained not to bark if I told them too (VERY important!) If you feel the slightest bit uncomfortable about you dog with an inpending baby, REHOME HIM NOW... or the situation will only get worse - It's the kindest thing to do xx

Thank you. Yes he as been neutered. That was another thing in my 'wait until...' list. I almost can't explain how this makes me feel. I feel like I've failed and let the dog down so badly.

There's a rescue centre for his specific bread that I've found. I'll speak to them on Monday and talk through how they go about rehoming. Perhaps it's unrealistic but maybe I could meet potential new owners? At the very least I need to know that he would go to a loving home.

God I hate myself for this. :(

You have my sympathy OP. We got a dog early last year and it made me depressed for many of the reasons you describe plus more - constant barking, puppy nipping and stealing things, digging and running away - you name it. I can truthfully say that it was the worst summer I had ever had. My relationship with dc's deteriorated and I was snappy and tearful constantly. And I wasn't pregnant and my dc's are a bit older so you are doing a sterling job of bearing up it seems to me.

In our case we've plugged away at things and we've still got her and she's still a bit bonkers but she's better and we get on ok now!

All I really wanted to say was that you should do the right thing for you and your dc's. I know it's not a popular viewpoint with the fearsome dog dictatorship on some of the threads on mn but it is only a dog. Your dc's are far more important and you need to have the space, time and patience to do the best for you and them. Good luck.