I feel so sick and worried

[itsnotmyrealname]

Have been off work for 5 weeks now due to work related stress. Thought last week i may try to go back. So this morning i have an app at the doctors for my return to work.

But, i don't feel ready, i think i was just trying to be brave for my DH as only getting SSP and money is so tight.

But i feel so sick with worry and keep going to to loo. I can't stop shaking.

I just want to be signed off again as i just can't face going in. What am i going to do if he says im ok for work. I'm crying as im typing this.

Well to begin with he is going to ask how you are feeling and from the sound of it you will burst into tears at that point.

In my experience of having been off work returning in itself is stressful and sometimes when you get there it is not so bad. A phased return can also help, ie part time for the first week or so. But it is well possible that you are simply not ready.

Do not let money be your reason for returning. Better a few more weeks on SSP with money tight than a longer spell off later anyway. But even apart from that your health needs to come before money.

What else is being done apart from you being signed off? Is work looking at what happened and making any changes? Do you need some counselling? As long as you go straight back into the fray and the same situation you left it's unlikely to work.

For me some small changes helped: I now have trays near my desk where people put files they need me to work on, they no longer just put them on my desk where they become a mountain with no order or priority leading me to panic. And when I'm running behind due to work pressure I tell my boss, which takes some of the pressure off me even if nothing else changes as it is no longer my sole responsibility.

Back from the doctors.

He said to take at least a couple more weeks off before going back.

I feel so pathetic and stupid and just want to crawl far away for a very long time.

Why can't i just snap myself out of this and be like everyone else

Like everyone else - you mean all those others with mental health problems and stress related illnesses?

Calling yourself names like that is unhelpful and unjustified. Take your doctor's advice and accept that you are still ill.

This afternoon do something positive for yourself - a walk, gym visit, book on sofa - although something active is a better idea.

Well that told me.

I meant im fed up feeling like this as im sure all my family is as well.

Your family is just concerned for you.

I spent several years being ill with complex PTSD and was convinced all that time that everyone else was fed up with me. Fact is they were just concerned, they still love me and my friends are still my friends.

It is your stress-head that tells you that they are fed up with you. And I can quite understand that you are fed up. Just that no matter how fed up you are, it doesn't help you get better any quickly, just keeps you more stressed.

itsnotmyrealname - Glad you are still signed off work. You say you have work related stress. However when does prolonged stress become depression or anxiety. It certainly sounds like you are very anxious. Has your GP prescribed any meds for you. I think all of us on the MH threads who have varying kinds of mental illness are fed up with it, and it is actually one of the symptoms of depression to think that everyone else is fed up with you too. If we have a physical illness, we may be fed up, but we don't necessarily think that our family are fed up with us.

Depression/anxiety is a deceitful illness and tells us things about ourselves that aren't true. I am wondering if it is just work that is the problem, or is it because you have depression/anxiety that you can't face work. If the latter that is very very understandable, because when in this state we just want to withdraw and it can be an effort to do anything at all. I was struck by your words "I just want to crawl away for a long time" - this sounds so much like depression, and you can't just "snap yourself" out of this, no more than you could mend your own broken leg. Sadly there is still a great deal of misunderstanding and stigma around mental illness, and because no-one can see it, like they can see a plaster cast, they can't understand why you can't just "pull yourself together"

Is this the first time you have experienced anything like this. You will find lots of empathy on the MH threads. It has got me through many a dark day over the past 2 years.

Take care and be kind to yourself.